'MSHINI WAM'

2011-05-01T12:34:00.005+02:00

Now, here's some raw stuff you'll never get to read anywhere else about my 'hood. Not only is it a lovable 'hood but it also has culture, serious lifestyle and culture that makes it a serious contender for the Presidential Orders, if only they were given to 'hoods. So, this year it was not that different.

Mpumalanga’s flagship hip hop pilgrimage, Luv Ur Hood (themed Marope Ra Maja - we are eating dumbies) kicked off 2011 with a bang. A bang it could be heard in the Libyan cities of Misrata and Benghazi.

Within a short space of four months the stellar session hosted two spasmodic shows that exposed new emcees (cats with rhymes), new voices (poets with lines) and new patrons to this grassroots hip hop extravaganza pioneered by Katsuko (Khutso Malele) and Masta H (Hlompho Lekhuleni).

The 2011 revolution, immediately after the successful Tunisian and Egyptian insurrections started off on 26 March with an outing to Love Life Centre at Acornhoek. Luv Ur Hood has never been held outside of its homebase Ga-Kabila, which is a chillaz doubling as a car-wash and other things the police with ugly berets wouldn't want to read about. F-ck it, those dudes can't read.

In its inaugural outside venture it attracted new emcees who have performed in bedrooms and garages thinking the world was four by four metres wide. You know those cats whose parents bought desktop computers and installed them FruityLoops and Q-Base and who have always rapped their lungs out inspired by the latest video on TRL.

The Luv Ur Hood show exposed the talent of cats such as Eardrumbusters from Bushbuckridge whose intimidating lyrics reminds one of deceased geniuses, Tupac and Biggie - especially on that fearsome 'i f-cked your b-tch' ripper. There was also Thulamahashe’s finest in Crazy Doggz, who are a tight set led by C-well, a veteran of the game. C-well's involvement in the game is as old as Cashless Society.

Mesmerizing was the performance of KFB (who never really jots down his lyrics) and newcomer to the game Young KCee with his mohawk. Modelling his style and swag after the Young Money crew, KCee had half the crowd eating out of his tiny palm as he was accompanied by his cousin and hype-man for the day Masta H. For a moment it reminded me of the old Busta Rhyme and Spliffstar. At least a hundred patrons were entertained. With regulars DJ Sparkle, newcomers JOP, Wonder, Chris Force Feed and two DJs from Radio Bushbuckridge KP and Matt the show gave a platform to b-boys Wild Cats. KP is the older brother to prolific producer and rapper AB-Crazy and him and Matt hosts a show between 18h00 and 21h00 every Friday on Radio Bush. There were also life skills offered by the Love Life team.

On 24 April, barely a month later the duo took the session, themed Mangozi ya tala ka Spice (Raw mangoes eaten with spice), back to its spiritual home, Ga-Kabila in Shatale. Characterised by a proliferation of tight emcees and ghetto merchandise on sale and display, the Freedom Day eve show was off the hook. Snoop Dogg would have said 'off the hinges'.

Krazy Doggz brought their whole entourage, numbering a staggering eight or ten to the show which was graced by hundreds of good-looking clean patrons. Blue Noise from Sabie performed and bootlegged their CD titled Focused. The trio still need a stage act and presence. They looked a little disjointed.

Young KCee held down the stage but the show was flipped by Dwarsloop’s hardcore-manic Dialectic. This younger brother to DJ Sparkle free-styled with so much flow that even KFB who free-styles unhindered had to pick up his game or risk obsolensce. On the day Katsuko performed what is undoubtedly going to become the Luv Ur Hood anthem titled Ke Tšwa Bush. On a show that was more about flexing muscles and impressing hordes of sesenhoritas, C-well blasted, KP and Masta H spit rhymes in Get Your Swag On, a song from H’s still-in-the-kitchen mixtape.

On sale were mixtapes from Krazy Doggz and Blue Noise. Also sold were tons of t-shirts by 100% Lepulana/Tsonga, Re Phela SOH, Luv Ur Hood, Shatale Ya Rocka etc. Langa Media’s Nellie Ndlovu (publisher of Bushbuckridge News) graced the event and showed interest in a partnership. The next Luv Ur Hood show will be hosted by Krazy Doggz in Thulamahashe in June.

2010-04-10T20:53:00.000+02:00

Honour Amongst Dogs

On a week that we saw a lot of altercations between the media and people who think they are above the law isn’t it interesting that it ended on an encouraging note. Not only did we see the Visagie AWB chap being hackled by e.tv’s Chris Maroleng after he blew his lid while being interviewed by the daughter of a pan-Africanist Lebogang Pheko.

The week ended well because finally ANC chief Jacob Zuma decided to develop some teeth. On Saturday he finally promised to sink them so deep into Juju that the poor boy with a Sandton address will get rabies on the spot. But our understanding of their fragile relationships has informed some of us that JZ is a ram and Juju is trusted lapdog – more trusted than Mo Shaik.

See Juju started off as a Chihuahua – back in the days when spooks like Mo were vultures staking Thabo Mbeki. Juju was a Chihuahua with an in-built alto vuvuzela, a cheerleader really. Now Juju is barking like a German shepherd and his latest bark is ‘rubbish is what lies under your trousers, that’s rubbish… bastard…bladdy agent’. Poor Jonah Fisher timidly walked out since he couldn’t imagine ANC security guards who massacred so many people when Luthuli was still Shell House throwing his ‘white’ ass out of the skyscraper.

As journalist we always expect blood and gore when we go out on assignments but none at a Luthuli 11th floor media conference. Yes, most of the times we go out and really have to step over dry blood as we take pictures of warm corpses, but such an expectation will never cross our minds when invited to a Zimbabwe Tour Report Back media conference.

Now you see, these conferences are supposed to be choreographed by folks like Floyd Shibambu (he of Floetry fame) and no insurance taken since people hardly die at media conferences. We even leave our bulletproofs in the boots of our cars when we go to media conferences.

That’s until Juju stepped in and turned them into battle zones. Now JZ says he will hang him high by the balls. I’m surprised cuz I doubt if Juju does have balls. However it’s a welcome development.

2010-03-22T22:23:00.002+02:00

The Jub-Jub Reality Show

MPUMALANGA'S FINEST

2010-03-14T22:21:00.002+02:00

Do We Need A Truth Commission, Would the Teachers Line Up to Confess?
We are a nation obsessed with the truths we can handle. We bury under the rubble of patriotism anything that exposes our vulnerabilities like the Ralushai Report on Traditional Leadership, Operation Dribble, Jali and Khampepe Commissions’ findings, Inquiry into Umkhonto we Sizwe Atrocities and Commission of Inquiry into Witchcraft in Limpopo. We settle for forums where liars can perjure and escape like the Desai, Harms, and Goldstone Commissions, SABC Commission of Inquiry into Blacklisting and Related Matters, Hefer and Truth and Reconciliation Commissions etc.

Today in South Africa, especially brazenly so in Bushbuckridge we are faced with teachers who will obstruct any investigation into their sexual conduct with learners. At the same time we are burdened with teacher unions which instruct their members not to co-operate with whoever tries to investigate such atrocities. And then there are learners who are bribed and intimidated not to talk to any investigator about what they see happening in and outside of classrooms. Incidentally, we have School Governing Bodies which are run by political appointees who themselves are often guilty of the same crime or are taking instructions from their political bosses not to act.

On the ‘blamed’ side is the department of education that is incapable and ill-equipped to execute ‘truth’ investigations of this magnitude. South African Council of Educators does not have a lie detector to know if a teacher is lying about his liaisons with learners and its scope is limited. On the final end we have a Jacob Zuma government that is so focused on its own public image that it spends a lot of time and money on PR than investing in the future. The future is education and education is only feasible when learners don’t fall pregnant and drop out, are not abused by teachers and parents and are afforded the best protection by society. Half the abuse happening in black schools will not suffice in hoërskools and where the SGBs are made up of lawyers, accountants and company executives.

The atrocities committed by teachers in Bushbuckridge warrant a commission of inquiry with judicial powers to subpoena and charge people with perjury if they lie under oath. SADTU has shown its unwillingness to discipline its own members and only a process whereby ten years of abuse will be revisited and people punished can remedy this practice with the potential to arrest development. One wonders why would teachers celebrate an own goal when they score with 14-years old girls?

Without any intervention of judicial proportions there is no future for the girl-child. The Cell C Take A Girl-Child to Work campaign, which Zuma takes part in every year is just a futile money wasting exercise because the girl-child is not going to work but to labour.

Any investigation without judicial powers is a mockery and this year arrogant teachers in Bushbuckridge will be impregnating another bunch, it collapses into the social net and the teachers’ own children will be wearing their shiny blazers as they saunter into hoërskools and seminaries in town. South Africa had cold-blooded killers confessing at the TRC; it can’t fail to get confessions from teachers and former learners – for the sake of our future.

2010-02-24T21:34:00.001+02:00

What Teachers Are Now Famous For

If you have opinions about this cartoon go to The Kasiekulture Blog and post your comment

2010-02-23T21:28:00.002+02:00

Become A Book Name in a World Full of No-Names

MPUMALANGA'S FINEST

2010-02-20T21:52:00.003+02:00

Do I Look That Stupid?

Hello,

I have to thank God this moment for his direction as regards thismission. God want me to complete this mission hence, I got your contact.I know you maybe wondering how I got your contact email.

Actually when I heard from the doctor that my condition has become socritical, I had to reach out to a Christian sister, who assisted me insearching for your contact in order to help me utilize this wealth theway I am going to instruct herein, and even the sister that helped me inthis regard doesn't know the purpose for which I intend to use it I haveprayed about it and it has been revealed to me that you can makejudicious use of the resources for its intended purpose.

I am currently sending you this mail from my sick bed in the hospital.My husband earned these funds (10,800,000.00 USD) but he died in a planecrash and left everything behind for me and I will join him soon due tomy ill health. Due to my infertility resulting from medical problems Ibecame barren.

God has a reason for everything. I would want you tocontact my lawyer; he will inform you on what to do.

Contact him withthe below details:
Barrister Henry Slater Email: henryslater@unlimitedmail.org Telephone: +44-701-113-6910

Ensure to use a greater portion of the funds for its purpose infulfilment of my last wish. Furthermore you will never have any problemwith the law as you will only pay some amount to the government as taxand a minor percentage to settle the bill of the bank and the most majorpart you will use to bless God's Children all over the world.

You are blessed.

Mrs. Magret Winters.

Shepherds & Sheep - a song exposing child molestors

2010-02-05T13:05:00.001+02:00

Shepherds & Sheep

Shepherds & Sheep

Composed by Modise Mogakane

Written by Dido & Tshwarelo Mogakane

Produced By Modise Mogakane

Mastered by Modise Mogakane & Bentar Sibuyi

Recorded @ 1335 Studios

Arranged & Mixed @ 1335 Studios

Published by MegaMak Muzik

Track

Dido

I will go down with this ship,

And I won’t put my hands up, and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love…

And always will be… x 2

Intro

(Aha

And I can see you baby girl, and how you feel

You’know, those hundred feelings

Of bitterness, desperation, confusion

Yeah

Ribelatti’s here

Ribelatti loves you

Shepherds and sheep

Ah)

Ribelatti

Verse 1:

In the blanket of night, he creeps in her room

He’s sick, the creep trade-marking her doom

Takes off his pajamas,

Everything on the floor, including his tangas

In the other room sleeps her mama

The death of world peace, sorry Mr. Dalai Lama

I’ve got to speak it as I see it

If they ban me from talking my mind, so be it

I got beef with motherfuckers who murder chickens

As they say it in they drama, the plot thickens

I think this kinda shit sickens

His dick on Viagra, so nothing weakens

Alright Majita let’s talk this walk

You might be a globe-trotter

But don’t ever cross this border

What kind of a father

Sleeps with his own daughter?

Ke re a le none le a bola

A ke repe eke a sola

Yo useless, ga le na mohola

Le madimoni, kefa ba e rola

Even the devil shakes in his boots

During the day, y’oll dressed in you suits

Fela boshego, le di asshole

How you gonn shove yo penis in yo girl’s hole?

Explain it to me

Be an artist, motherfucker paint it for me

It might be nothing to you, but it’s a pain for me

What you call drizzle, is nothing but rain to me

And I can see tonight it’s raining (tonight it’s raining)

And my heart is paining

Yeah, Ah

Chorus

Dido

I will go down with this ship,

And I won’t put my hands up, and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love…

And always will be… x 2

Verse 2:

Ribelatti

Now…

She’s 25 feeling ready to date

But the monster already decided her fate

Her friends don’t know

Today Mr. Boyfriend wants some more

But she feels violated and dirty

What she gonn do when she turns 30?

Only God knows what goes on in the potholes and the pits of her heart

But I’ma sing these hundred feelings into something Mozart

Baby girl please smile

Forget yo dad, just delete his file

Permanently remove his ass from the recycle bin

I know it’s hard dealing with this cardinal sin

Even Social Development ain’t put money on it

Where them politicians is at?

What do I call it?

A crisis, a syndrome, a disaster?

Worse because one of these porn-star fathers is a pastor

Daddy took her panties off

You tell mommy and all she can do is laugh

Scold you and rough you up

Hey people what the fuck is up?

Did you bring children into the world just to fuck ‘em up?

For them to die?

For them to keep quiet and protect the lie?

This is a family matter

You tell that little girl

I swear it would have been better

Had she been born in hell

Outro:

(Yeah,

Dedicated to all the girls… who slept with they fathers

Imagine shepherds having sex with sheep

Leaders attacking followers in sleep

Doesn’t it bother that this happens under yo nose?

Right under yo nose

It’s not a secret, everybody knows

Because the truth is strange

But it’s time for a change…

Ribelatti…)

– ends –

2010-02-01T21:42:00.002+02:00

419?

Today I am in a mood to share with you a letter I got earlier this week. I have been getting this letters recently and my gut feeling tells me their contents are bloody bullshit. What do you think about this letter;

Dear Partner..  
   
I am Mr. George Bamogu a citizen of Sierra Leone. I got your contact through my search for a business partner.  I am searching for a reliable and honest business knowledge citizen, who can partner with me into an investment due to the unrest in my region.
  
I am ready to discuss with you, if you are interested to partner with me.  

Kindly provide me with your mobile telephone number, so that I can call you and we can discuss in details towards our partnership investment. Kindly reply back on my private email address (georgebamogu@gmail.com)
    
Best Regard.  
George Bamogu 

2010-01-04T20:35:00.004+02:00

The 'Hood Diary

The holiday season was the finest piece of detox anybody ever needed. Especially on the heels of a crippling recession and an inflation rate that is daily defying gravity. For some of us still rooted in our ghettos it was quite an intriguing time. Folks we haven't seen in years pitched to appease the old bones of their ancestors to 'help' them navigate the financial crisis. But I mean if your grandparents died broke why the hack do you think they can hook you up R12000 installment for your wheels?

However, beef aside it was quite an interesting time in Shatale, I don' t know about your 'hood but mine was the ultimate 'hood. Here we now have a Luv Ur Hood culture, it's monthly hip-hop sessions hosted by Katsuko at Kabila's and which feature a whole bunch of talented folks with skills still to be unearthed for the mainstream.

During the final show I was disturbed when I heard that this year's gonna happen artist Abe-Crazy demanded R1500 to perform for the 'hood. I mean not at the time that Nas is contemplating hiring the whole Trump Towers top floor for the 'hood at no cost. I mean for the better part of December I have been listening to Abe's music and it is brilliant and I am thinking this dude needs as much publicity as possible and a platform to showcase his skills and potential and I get told that the dude wants R1500. I'm like 'no ways' and I get told that's his condition.

But I mean the whole Luv Ur Hood concept is to encourage people to 'thand' ikasi' which subtracts a transactional relationship. To make matters worse the session contiues with much flav as there are more cats with swag and then Nkoto Malebye, yeah, you know here - the lead singer from Kwani Experience decides to bless the session with a free rap performance.

I should have written free with a capital letter. A recording artist who have travelled the world with an uber group giving a free performance while a dude still hustling for a deal wants money? Tell me I'm being judgmental and I will apologise. Abe is my dog and I shall be the first dude to give his music love cuz it rocks - and I shall be the first to correct when he goes wrong.

Overall the 'hood got love from the regular 'hood cats over the holidays with the MONICE brothers bringing the roof down with their ritualistic gigs, Katlego Mashego mingling with the 'hood commoners during one of the gigs and well - 2010 we are here, regardless of spoilers on New Year's Day. Go out and achieve greatness comrade. Welcome!

2009-11-29T14:44:00.005+02:00

Just Being Brutally Honest

Three things got me fascinated recently and laughing all the way through my nationwide travels. Me and my friends have been having abridged conversations about the tender system. You all know the government's flawed procurement system that doesn’t always deliver the best results because the chaps hired to man it are bloody greedy and want a slice of every pie they have to offer to hungry contractors. Now, our conversation was largely about how this system undermines excellence and rewards mediocrity and incompetence. Herewith are three scenarios.

ONE: The way the tender system is so corrupt it is most likely that if the South African Blood Service issued an invitation for a qualified company to supply it with 100 litres of blood a month for the next five years you would get comrades winning it and later supplying chicken, goat, sheep and cattle blood to the bank. For all you know people might start dying in droves, all with their blood sucked out.

TWO: if South Africa desperately wanted to win a gold medal at the next Olympics and issued an international invitation to bid from a person who can run on our behalf and win the tender, believe me the tender would go to the obese guy who drives an ML Class, that’s even if confirmed fastest man on earth Usain Bolt bidded. The fat comrade will the be told by his inside connection to go and hire Bolt since he scored high in functionality.

THREE: An initiation school is a very important institution to some of our tribes since it lies at the belly of our very survival. Thus, such a ritual is carried out first; by a trained minder who at times should be the child of someone who has run such a school for generations; second; it should be someone with the right ethnic orientation and blessings from the tribe’s elders, traditional leadership and traditional doctors since they are going to entrust their kids with not only his scalpel but his vision. One of my friends said that if such a service was put to tender you would get tenderers from tribes that don’t even initiate bidding or it, claiming that once they win it they will hire a MoPulana, uMndebele or UmXhosa to run it for them as they will be putting invoices to the House of Traditional Leaders.

What a fucked-up patronage rooted system we have for procurement. No wonder two-thirds of government services, that which is procured sucks. Government should stick to supplying IDs, imagine what would happen if they were supplied by a dodgy company called UMXABULO IDENTITY SOLUTIONS?

Immortal Technique on Russian television

2009-11-16T15:06:00.000+02:00

God is white – that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!

2009-10-29T21:40:00.006+02:00

This is not a conspiracy theory because I’m not trying to conspire against anyone; it’s a fact base opinion, if there is such a thing. I’ve grown to learn and know about God our father, who art in heaven, its lovely story of a lifetime that gives a man like me hope and hope is not something you can pick up from a street. Hope brings life and life…..! Well, Common says life is a bitch depending on how you dress it, I say life is but after death now back to my story, I say I’ve seen God and the dude isn’t black. In my 29 years on this earth I’ve seen everything in black translated into a white superiority. What I mean is, there is a certain favour that is bestowed upon the Caucasian nation and there’s nothing we can do about it. My black consciousness brothers and those who embrace Africanism preached to me about the false ideologies of the white man, through the demonic media, I received and repented but my repentance fell short. They told me about the history of African colonisation and how the white man stole everything from us. I pondered the story and realise that, if the white man can do that, have that kind of power and the rest of wasn’t sleeping then he’s got some godliness behind him. In the bible, which I grew up reading, it is said that God favoured certain people and certain nations (Israel to be specific) just to show-of his glory, well there’s no reason in there why he chose Abraham to be the father of all nations or why he chose Abel over Cain, so I assume it is for show-off…after all he’s the creator. You might be thinking blasphemy at this moment but like Eminem said I’m just giving you things that you think about or talk about in the living room but I have guts to say them in front of you. Ironically Marshall Manthers is a white rapper who dominated the genre, which is known to be a black music or black culture, like poverty over Africa. Now you tell me if that’s not favour bestowed by some high power? Beside, Em’s story, there is a whole lot of the world’s spectre that is dominated by Caucasians like the Media, Entertainment, music, business, finance, sports and controversially, even religion, they presided over us and other races to level where Chika Onyika (the author of The Capitalist Nigger) lambasted to the African nation. Who can blame him?

Although it sounds cliché and funny in a way, but it is true that when you have the favour of God like Moses did, you walk on water or part seas, while your counterparts are just the King Pharaohs following suite but failing to do the same. The charismatic preachers will and can agree with me on this one. Now, the race which I’m accusing of being godly, has apparently stolen everything from the Egyptian philosophy, our resources, history, religion even our identity but they didn’t just steal it they turned it into class. I mean the Germans made cars and we feel like god in them, Russians made guns and feel glory with them, Swedish made porn glamorous and we are addicted to it and the American took a black man to slavery and made American out of him and we cherish him. Now how’s that for being on the Almighty’s side? I sometimes think that maybe my mind is colonised by the white man mentality which sometimes I’m accused of but religion states clearly that there are those who are chosen and those that aren’t, like there’s right and wrong, heaven and hell, white and the others. It is evident that religion is classed according to race and ecology but one thing in common is the fact we put a spiritual figure (God) which we pray to, unfortunately on this case also there is a dominating religion which is run by them white folks. The Veticans, Catholics, they dictated the figure or the picture we should have about their God because they were favoured amongst others. This is not blasphemy; I just saw everything in black translated into white superiority but we don’t see the same…..”Sepedi sere, sehlare sa mosotho ke lekgowa, and the bible says God is our healer”

Chapter 2 (the Bible version coming soon)

2009-10-28T17:56:00.001+02:00

The Truth

Two weeks ago City Press publhised article penned by talented and award-winning poetLebo Mashile (Live, Love and Belong) once again exposed the high levels ofintellectual bankruptcy in our society and our ongoing celebration ofmediocrity. For anyone to have opted for Mashile to deliver such a flawedspeech during such an august occasion insinuates that South Africa has runout of history scholars with a proper grasp of anthropology – I protestthat Mashile carries such a mantle lest I proclaim our collectiveappraisal of mediocre intellectualism.First; there is no ‘small’ nation in the face of the earth calledBapulane. There is a ‘big’ nation called Mapulana rooted not inBushbuckridge (as a matter of fact Bushbuckridge is in Mpumalanga and notLimpopo) but Mapulaneng which covers a sizeable chunk of Mpumalanga.Mapulana are found in every corner of South Africa, largely in Gautengwhere they have a footprint. This is information so in the public domainthat a first year anthropology student could have delivered a betterpresentation on. That Mapulana did not have their own Bantustan and arecognized (official) language does not make them less of a nation thesame way Palestinians are not less human by virtue of being denied landand self-determination.Mashile should also understand apartheid’s (especially Bantustans) role incrafting the modern South African identity. Tribes and languages weredeliberately suffocated under the homeland system. I know not of a singleMoPulana who is “very comfortable referring to themselves as both Pedi(sic) and Bapulane (sic)”. The biggest insult one can dish against aMoPulana is to call them a MoPedi.To position Mashile’s flawed analysis within a cultural context I wouldprofess that identity is inherited and never chosen to suit a populisthegemonic agenda. Contrary to her calculated definition of her ownidentity the Mashiles are not Basotho (from Lesotho) but one of the fiveoffspring of the lion (Bana ba Tau Sethlano). They are royalty inMapulaneng. They are in the same league with Mashego, Malele, Chilwane andMogane.Given that Mashile’s diatribe was during the World Summit on Arts andCulture one can sadly conclude that the world now carries that distortednarrow interpretation of our cultural identity as fact. It will beencouraging next time for the organizers to offer such a privilege tosomeone more qualified on the subject like Professor Pitika Ntuli or DrMathole Motshega instead of a poet.All Mashile had to do was to Google ‘Mapulaneng’ and she would have endedup with more academic references, websites and Facebook groups aboutMapulana to assist in her speech instead of perpetuating a dangerousfascist analysis of Mapulana, a victorious and proud nation.

Oppression redefined!!!!

2009-10-23T14:48:00.002+02:00

For the first time in my life, I really understoond what it meant to be the "token BLACK person".

From people making sure that I knew that I was different even with my good accent and "great" people' skills to putting in extra hours and effort so that others can see my worth in the work place and not see me as the person as the person they hired just to ration out the whole "affirmative" action thing that - for a long time didn't matter much to me.

In the 9 months that I have spent in this company, I have felt emotions I had not felt in a long tme - anger, hate, frustration, weakness etc.

I had to teach myself most of what I now know, deal with a woman (that has spent the last 18 years of her life in the same company) that wanted to prove to everyone that she knows all things related to work and we (the whole department) are nothing without her, defending myself every second day because no matter how good I thought my work would be - she would always find an error, insults from retailers and so on!!!!! I t goes deeper than this though, more on a tip of "corporate sabotage" as I would call it!!!!!

People just do not want to see other people succeed or simply being better at certain things than them..... you see that, that is what makes people go to hectic extents to destroy all that is good in a person - I would call that evil behaviour and a different kind of oppression.

For that reason and more personal ones ( me failing to see how I could possibly grow in a company that had an extremely intelligent person working a junior position for 12years only to be promoted just because we spoke out when an idiot of not - who happens to be white- got promoted to a more senior position in less than 2years in the same company) and 1 woman that has made me feel how it is to despise a person that I have only known for less than a year.

What angers me more is that I have put myself in an invironment that has changed the person I had been for 25years into this petty thinking, uncreative, nagging person that I have grown to dislike! I don not want that for myself and am leaving it for those who are willing to put up with all types of bullshit in a work place for a constant salary that amounts to peanuts. I have turned myself into a prisoner and have deprived myself of the things I actually do want in my life!

If you are wondering what I am bitching about........... I have just resigned for my job!

The MADNESS has to stop!

2009-10-15T20:33:00.002+02:00

If The Bible Carried Ads…

Here I am having an inspirational talk with a guy from the left and he wants to know how far is the South Afrikan media with the discussion on who should dictate editorial policy between the advertisers and the readers. We end up on politics really; I bemoan the fact that MDDA is not well-funded and that government should put more money into the agency to unearth more grassroots media with a pulse.

I go as far as mentioning that those who run the media actually set the agenda on what national discourse should be. Then we come to the point I have been wondering relating to the influence of ads on content. Okay, Google Ads can not do that because they are content relevant. You publish stories about Mandela and the Long Walk To Freedom book retailers’ ads pop up. You write about China and The Dalai Lama’s ads dominate your page. But the real talk is about the ads that try to influence content – by throwing money at the publication.

Then our discussion came to the point where we wondered why is the Bible, thick, printed on the best paper on the market retail so cheap? If those who are propagating the spread of Christianity can put so much money into its production and distribution why can’t those who want to propagate their own leftist rhetoric do the same with newspapers. For all I know newspapers are published on cheap newsprint, are less than forty pages thick and are distributed at restaurants and beer halls. Where’s the hiccup?

Then my friend wanted to know my take on how ads influence content. I told him that I reckon if the Bible welcomed ads, you would have a lot of inaccurate information and omissions in the Holy book. Imagine this scenario;

Obviously SARS would have loved putting ads next to Jesus’ sermons about ‘giving to Caesar what belongs to Caesar’. Picture reading about all the taxes that Jesus preached about and at the bottom of the page you get a strip ad from SARS, reminding you of your obligations.

Also imagine reading about the miracle of walking on water at the Sea of Galilee and then getting an ad from Vodacom or NOKIA. After St Peter failed to cross to Jesus due to his lack of faith you can have NOKIA claiming, ‘connecting people’ or Vodacom advertising its power of connecting people.

On another note you could be reading the story of Christ’s crucifixion and at the bottom you have an ad from AVBOB, selling their funeral covers. I’m quite certain Kaizer Chiefs would have bought a half page to advertise Ikusasa LaMakhosi.

Now something that would tickle the fancy of our plastic millionaires. Imagine reading the parable of the Lazarus and the Rich Man and on the reversal of roles. And then there is an ad from ABSA selling an investment scheme. ‘Don’t end up like the Rich Man, Invest with ABSA, today, tomorrow, together’.

Well, I can dissect the inspired book to shreds because I know it so passionately but I reckon you can also think of ads to go with the story. On the issue of influence I swear to you after Cain killed Abel you would have an AK47 influencing the content by claiming that Cain used a Kalashnikov to pop Abel and not a stone. Then they would buy the strip and sell the AK47.

Share your thoughts with me, choose a scripture in the Bible and tell me what ad do you think it would go with it. Go to Facebook and post me your thoughts, you might become a copywriter someday.

barbarians uprising

2009-10-06T12:18:00.003+02:00

it's the rise of the barbarians

it's the rise of the black afrikans

it's the rise...

the rise

the uprising...

they call me a barbarian/ a communist/ a killer terrorist/ not rastafarian/ i'm madiba' it's 1976/ locked on the island outside they killing my kids/ my own comrades eating my bitch/ amandla,they scream as they skit/ sweaty lips licking her tits/ but this is the work of apartheid, i know what it is/ they don't know what it means/ how it feels, being judged based on yo skin/ being separated from yo next of kin/ for a stupid job groveling in town/ far from home you travelling for brown/ bread and achaar, these people is clowns/ but nobody gives a fuck/ fuck, all they know is to fuck/ fuck, all they know is to klaap/ chisa mpana, chisa lebutsi la leburu/ chisa stlamatlama ke black mapuru/ i'ma shock everybody when i come out a guru/ an awesome god, ka go loya ke thuru/ that's the barbarian mind rising to the fore/ that's the henrietta marie anchoring on the shore/ welcome home as we sing the barbarian song/ come for a ride, let madiba feel the billa bong...

it's the rise of the barbarians

it's the rise of the black afrikans

it's the rise...

the rise

the uprising...

NOW WE IN THE ZONE/ I'M TELLING THEM LEAVE A NIGGA ALONE/ THEY GO FOR SEKHETI LE BRUKU/ VOROS LE KUKU/ BUT THEY WARNED YA, SHUT UP SPOKO/ SKATLO TSOSA DIMOKO TSA BO KOKO/ DIPOKO TSA MEKHUKHU/ DIPUKU, MAFOKO, DIGLOGO MADI MO SETUPUNG O SETOPO/ YOU FUCKING DIE/ LOL, NIGGA LMAO/ NIGGA LE WENA MMAGO/ I LOST AND FOUND THE PLOT/ SOON AS I DOWNED THE TOT/ GALLOP GALLOP, KA PHOLOSELA KA QUART/ YOU KNOW, WITH SMOKE EVERY CORNER NIGGAZ BLAZING THE POT/ IT'S FREEDOM GAINED AND LOST/ CHILDREN ON THE STREETS KHENKING THEY LEGS AIN'T CROSSED/ THEY FATHERS ON TOP/ THEY MOTHERS ARE FLOP/ SHE GAVE HIM A DROP/ NOW HE GAVE HER THE POP/ SHE'S LICKING FROM NINE TO FIVE, HOLDING DOWN A BLOW JOB/ COME TO POPPA HE KICKS HIS CLOTHES OFF/ TIME TO FUCK HIS OWN DAUGHTER/ IT'S DARK AND IT'S GETTING LOUDER/ DON'T WORRY THE MADAM AIN'T HOME BA OWNER/ MEET THOMAS, MAKGOLWA KA GO BONER...

it's the rise of the barbarians

it's the rise of the black afrikans

it's the rise...

the rise

the uprising...

this is the south african story, very real, very sad, but be glad, for you can still change it, and make it better. RIP to those that got killed in this song. Mr CEO, Mr In-Charge, you know who you are...

MegaMak, 2009

What Law?

2009-09-22T10:13:00.003+02:00

Today is my birthday: September 22. On this day God has just proven to me that I was born for a purpose. For years I knew that there was something that I could contribute to the lives of people that had never, or at least, been scarcely contributed. You may ask, what's new under the sun? Nothing really. Nevertheless, old things can be renewed until they look 100% new. Today I will share with you the next wave of esoteric revolution that the Lord has been keeping for times such as these.

At Divine Construction Ministries (DCM) we are aware that you have been looking for ways to connect yourself to the Law of Attraction. Well, you don't have to waste your time. Laws are meant to be broken and no one can follow the law to the letter, for “The letter kills but the Spirit gives life.” You do not need any rules to attraction. You need grace. Therefore, let us welcome you to the beginning of an explosive ministry: The Grace of Attraction.

In these series of teachings and reflections, you will learn how to do everything wrong in relation to the law of attraction and still get all the results you want. You see, Ronda came with the Law but Awesome God has come with the Grace. The Grace of Attraction will lead you into new paths of Balanced Thinking. It's really not just about positive or negative thinking. It's about which Company you are working for.

Fact: No matter what you can try to do, it is only natural to think negative thoughts. There is no one person who can think positive thoughts only. With all the negativety happening around the world, people killing, people raping, people stealing, people destroying, etc, how can you claim that you don't see what is going on? Is the law of attraction supposed to be denial? Just by merely noticing the blatant negativity in the world, we are admitting to thinking negatively. You can't see it and claim that you don't perceive it. You can't perceive it without using your mind's thought channel. Whether we would like to admit it or not, we are all negative thinkers, and also positive thinkers. The challenge is how do you balance it? Remember, even the Lord Jesus Christ himself more often thought negatively, attracting poverty, sickness and death on our behalf. Therefore, we don't have to pay transgressing the law of attraction any more. He did it all. That is the Grace of Attraction. All you have to do is believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Lord. Negative thinking is just like stinking breath, just like smelly armpits and a dirty body; it's all natural to the mortal man. Just like sin was. So, instead of fighting to think good thoughts, how about accept that he fought on your behalf? The bible teaches that “They that receive the abundance of grace, shall reign in life.” All you need is to receive grace and give thanks to the Lord that all good things in life are coming your way. When you do this, the Seven Waves of Prosperity will sweep through your life and you will be called the most blessed person on earth. This is real and very biblical. This is not just prophetic, it is apostolic. This is the beginning of the manifestation of the sons of God. We are moving from potential to substance. Aren't you just tired of being a Walkie Talkie Believer? You have been declaring and confessing for years but you are still attracting all the wrong things in life. Well, here is an opportunity to become a Talkie Walkie Believer – You Speak the Word and You Walk in Victory. Indeed, in him we move, in him we have our being.

2009-09-17T20:15:00.004+02:00

Heaven and Hell

Recently I posted it on my Facebook Wall, that if there was email beyond in the afterlife people will be surprised to find that their beloved friends and family members who they think are sitting on HIS right hand are actually burning in that other place churches want us to believe exists. For a fact; I don't believe in heaven and hell but only earth because it's here and I can touch it any minute I fell like lacing my shoes.

So, there could be a situation whereby if we lived in an Egalitarian Society we would all be hooked on the internet, either on cellphones or Apple Macs and browsing the net on leisure, not to have it as a domain of a few. In this ideal situation our email addresses would be our names and surnames followed by our email service provider; something like goodenough.mashego@earth.co.za or barack.obama@earth.com. Thus there wouldn't be all these stress of different service providers, we all would be logged on to earth.

Now, the point behind this post comes in the afterlife. Here is a brother you all loved who passes away and you decide that you are going to get that charismatic pastor to perform his last rites and tell all of you that he is sitting on the right hand of the Most High. He will yep stuff about; suppose he's a musician, his introduction to the orchestra beyond where he is performing with Bob Marley, Tupac Shakur, Notorious BIG, Marvin Gaye, Miriam Makeba, Jabu Khanyile and others. They call that troupe; The Orchestra Beyond. But then you know this chap was really bad, into groupies, too much alcohol, too much cocaine, too much lying, cheating, stealing and bad music.

So, in that event imagine getting mail in your email from tshepo@hell.org while you expected him to be in heaven since the charismatic pastor who gave him his send-off made all of you to feel that he was on his one-way ticket to paradise with a VISA signed by St Paul. You bloody expected him to mail you on tshepo@heaven.gov.

I reckon life would be interesting and we would have long answered questions like Tupac's I wonder if Heaven got a Ghetto and "is there a heaven for a g". All those fantasies of being in heaven that fuelled Tupac's muse would have been laid to rest. Obviously we would still receive spam mail from some of the naughty angels with aspirations of getting shareholding on this Matrix.

Remember Biggie, remember this Suicide Thoughts lyrics, "When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell/ Cause Im a piece of shit, it aint hard to fuckin tell/ It dont make sense, goin to heaven wit the goodie-goodies/ Dressed in white, I like black tims and black hoodies/ God will probably have me on some real strict shit/ No sleepin all day, no gettin my dick licked/ Hangin with the goodie-goodies loungin in paradise/ Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice/ All my life I been considered as the worst/ Lyin to my mother, even stealin out her purse/ Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion/ I know my mother wished she got a fuckin abortion/ She don't even love me like she did when I was younger/ Suckin on her chest just to stop my fuckin hunger/ I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes? Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies"

Biggie's heaven is different from the one you saw on Tupac's I wonder if Heaven Got a Ghetto and I Ain't Mad at Ya videos. Food for thought. And now you know!

The star throwing poor blacks under the bus

2009-09-17T16:18:00.003+02:00

Originally published at PoliTrick or TreaT

This is just a simple observation of how differently news can be reported depending to the class of the people at hand.

This morning iol.co.za ran a story about a guy named Respect Mkhwanazi, a 34 year old Sandton restaurant manager who's studying for a BComm degree. He has a wife and two kids, two

Photo credit: Chris Collingridge, the star

and twelve. Mr Mkhwanazi worked hard to be were he is, he started out as a cleaner 13 years ago at his restaurant and now he manages it. One evening while he was driving home, he was

Stopped by police officers, After 20 minutes, the cops signalled for him to proceed. He drove a few metres, stopped at a red light when the light turned green he accelerated, the cops thought he had stolen his BMW, shot at him and when he stopped, they took him out of his car, banged his head against the car, when they finally realized that the car isn't stolen, they apologized and let him go. [Full story here]

The second story appeared just two weeks ago on the same publication. This one goes like this: A gunmen fires shot at a BRT bus, two people get injured. The gunman flees to the near, Nancefield Hostel.

Photo credit: Jennifer Bruce, the Star

Hours later while Hostel dwellers are asleep, Police officers, Metro Cops, Security forces and soldiers raid the hostel, armed with heavy artillery. They kick in doors, wake people up while they're still half naked, Turn their rooms upside down, confiscate a few guns and make little to no arrest. [Full story here and accompanying image gallery here]

It should be noted that on both stories, our law enforcement used excessive force, on the first story they shot at an innocent man on the second story they raided people's homes carrying riffles, asked them to lie face down in their underwear and turned their rooms upside down but if you read both stories you notice that on the first one, they made it a point to mention the car the victim drove, his occupation, the fact that he's a family man who made a name for himself. The police officers were painted as the villains, who shot at an innocent man. While on the other story, law enforcers are painted in a positive light, they are just trying to catch criminals, leaving no stone unturned. Nothing is mentioned of the innocent men who got woken up early in the night by cops kicking down their doors. In fact, a female photographer took picture of these innocent men in their underwear. The pictures of the half naked men were posted on page two of a national paper with the implication that these men were criminals (How humiliating).

The moral of the story: If you're poor, you're not worth a shit!

2009-09-10T21:07:00.004+02:00

The Best Place to Hide Anything From a Black Person

Often when I’m having a chat with my intellectual artist friends we like to reflect on our earlier literary influences – which are as diverse as the universe. Recently we have been wondering why on City Press Pulse’s Back Page whenever our plastic celebrities (people who work for TV and radio) are asked what books are they reading they always say, Long Walk to Freedom, Re-discovering the Kingdom, Threshing Floor, Some of my Best Friends are White, Colour, Once in a Lifetime, Women Thou Art, I Write What I Like, Capitalist Nigger, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Scramble for Africa, Da Vinci Code, Anatomy of South Africa, Stupid White Men, Walter & Albertina Sisulu: In Our Lifetime, Staying in Touch With your Fertility, Run Your Own Business and Make Lots of Money, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Hardy Boys, Petals Of Blood, A Child Called It, Losing My Virginity and Bible.
The only people who confess to not reading are DJs like Clock and Tira and it’s fine, the probably listen to more overseas music to make sure that what they do is not plagiarism or vice versa.
We wondered because the way most of the so-called celebrities conduct their public lives and affairs defies the content of some of those books they claim to have read to the back cover. Imagine someone telling you that they read Capitalist Nigger but still believing in welfare and voting based on which political party can give them free stuff instead of which one will give them more opportunities to work the system.

Also imagine someone who claims to have read I Write What I like still treating his kind with disdain by exhibiting the material that s/he has to them and personalizing his German model’s numberplates to stand out like a horny penis. Where’s the consciousness?

So, this is just a precursor to most of our discussions. We end up agreeing that actually these folks don’t read any book but are afraid to just tell Pulse that they ain’t reading none because it will mean a manifestation of the claim that ‘the best place to hide anything from a black person is to write it in a book’. But I mean there’s nothing wrong with not reading a book, if you are not because we can’t all be reading books – we ain’t a homogenous species.

It’s like someone claiming that they are reading the Bible because they know you won’t ask them a question about a collection that is 66 books thick with two equally important Testaments. To me it’s like being asked who my favourite painter is and I just rush to say Vincent Van Gogh or Pablo Picasso without intimately knowing their pieces. Just knowing that Van Gogh cut off his ear and that Picasso sold only one painting before he died is not enough.
if you asked me what was the last film I watched I will be brutally honest and tell you that my viewing is not even captured on Box Office because I wait for the film to be released on DVD or be flighted on DsTV, I don’t watch them in the cinema. If that makes me less sophisticated, it’s fine but that’s the truth. There are no cinemas where I live, same way there are no libraries or bookstores where others live.

So, why am I telling you this? It’s because when me and my friends discuss our influences and which author did we lose our virginity to most are quick to tell me about Bessie Head, Doris Lessing, Tsitsi Dangarembga, Chinua Achebe etc. they look at me with disdain when I tell them I was seduced by James Hadley Chase (real name Rene Brabazon Raymond – b. 24 December 1906 d. 6 February 1985) after just being platonic with nameless Scottish novels dealing with horse-breeding – before George Orwell’s Animal Farm. I mean my first novel was given to me when I was around 12-years-old by my parent. When I grew up everybody was reading Chase novels which were circulating amongst us like a bulbous blunt at a street corner.

We were all a bunch of oppressed Bantu-educated darkie kids reading Chase novels. At least 70% of boys I grew up with were religiously reading those novels and aspiring to be thugs. We knew the storylines and characters by title, Safer Dead, Come Easy Go Easy, Just Another Sucker, Rollo, The Dead Stay Dumb, He Won’t Need it Now, Twelve Chinks and a Woman, The Doll’s Bad News, Lady, Here’s Your Wreath, Miss Callaghan Comes to Grief, Miss Shumway Waves A Wand, Just the Way it is, Eve, More Deadly Than the Male, I’ll Get you for This, Make the Corpse Walk, Blonde’s Requiem, No Business of Mine, The Flesh of the Orchid, Trusted Like the Fox, You Never Know with Women, You’re Lonely When you are Dead, The Paw in the Bottle, Lay Her Among the Lillies, Figure it Out for Yourself, The Marijuana Mob, Strictly for Cash, Why Pick on Me?, But A Short time to Live etc.

It’s only later that I started reading Afrikan literature and that from the Diaspora. I started reading Molefi Kete Asante, Alice Walker, Oonya Kempadoo, Maya Angelou, Terry McMillan etc.
Then I mixed with brilliant Caucasian authors of note like Sydney Sheldon, Robert Ludlum, John Le Carre, Jack Higgins etc. and when I came back home trying to find an author I can fiend I found that everybody was writing about politics from one side of the spectrum. Everybody was trying to sell to me the allegation that only one political party liberated this country while some of us only knew about it during the State of Emergency, together with five others.

I then read old classics by E'skia Mphahlele and Miriam Tlali. I tell my literati friends that I can confess that I have never read Long Walk to Freedom and any motivational book written by dodgy charismatic born-again fundamentalists.
I needed inspiration in 1989 when I was locked in a jail cell and those clergy were blessing Boer weapons before their township rendezvous, not in 2009 when the sheepskin has been removed. So, while today I am an adjudicator for the South Afrikan Literary Award (Literary Oscars) which means I read tens of books a year I still feel I need to read more – not for the culture of reading but because once you stop reading you stop learning. I need to be exposed to Chinese, Indian and South American literature.

Today’s voices are equally brilliant as long as they shy away from politicizing their literature. Writers like Kgebetli Moele, Niq Mhlongo, Zukiswa Wanner, Fred Khumalo, Kopano Matlwa, Siphiwo Mahala etc.

So, I want my Chase novels back. I have started with a collection and am paying good money for these classics. If you have a Chase (which I rather raise my daughter on than Long Walk to Freedom) contact me at goodynuff@hotmail.com

What would Biko do?

2009-09-08T14:46:00.001+02:00

I don't wanna lie, I was never really into Biko. I didn't know who he really was until I came to college and the people at campus who were into Biko were either: 1) Members of the SASCO SRC who acted like hooligans half the time. 2) Cheesy poets of the Yeoville variety turning Biko's into cliches (Raise your hands if you have rolled your eyes whenever someone says "Black man you're on your own" or my personal favourite "De-colonise your mind") 3) Those typecast Rastafaris who would be preaching black love and black unity while they spend most of their time trying to bang a white chick so I unfortunately had a misdirected aversion to Steve Biko, plus it didn't help that Denzel washinton hammered our accent on the movie based on Biko's life. It wasn't until half the people I know kept pestering me to read "I write what I like", I tried countless times to get it from the Campus library but somebody seemed to beat me to it. I finally got hold of the book about two weeks ago, being a natural hater and a cynic, I was ready to declare the book the most overrated in South Africa but I can't, "I write what I like" is as good as everyone says it is, everybody should read it.

But this post isn't about that though, it's about what I notice to be trend lately or maybe it's been like that ever since, I don't know what I do know is that it seems a lot of columnist are making their obligatory "what would Biko do" "how would Biko feel type post" type column. I remember some time ago, my current favourite columnist Andile Mngxitama, one of the editors of Biko Lives: Contesting the legacy of Steve Biko, wrote an article about how if Steve Biko would still be alive he wouldn't bother to vote and on June 16 this year he made a column on the Sowetan about how Biko wouldn't approve how the ANC Hijacked Youth day to make it seem like they were somehow involved in it when in reality they were in exile and so on and so forth. Right now I see that Onkgopotse JJ Tabane made a similar post on thought leader.

All this sorta reminds of Rapper Tupac Shakur, I apologize for mentioning Biko and Pac in the same post 'cause Tupac was probably the most overrated artist who was popular 'cause of all his Bullshit antics and Biko was a true visionary and a leader. But both of them died and certain people decided to 'speak on their dead bodies' behalf', in the case of Pac who never knew him like Eminem and 50 would make ridiculous claims in their songs like "if pac was here now, he would never ride with Ja" and in the case of Biko's case people who also didn't know him are making similar statements "If Biko was still alive, he would never do this or that. he would be saddened by this etc". It's amazing! Since we're talking about Rap and shit, I found it appropriate to quote Political activist/ Rapper Immortal Technique's lyrics on the issue:

......but you know what the **censored** I think is just pathetic and gay/
when niggaz speculate what the **censored** 'Pac would say/
you don't know shit, about a dead mans perspective.....

Really thought, If Biko were to be rise up, and read this post, would he be happy? sad? enraged? I guess you'd have to ask the above mentioned columnists about that.

2009-09-07T20:27:00.003+02:00

Why Mzwakhe Mbuli Sucks

This week I had the misfortune of listening, for the second time to Mr Mzwakhe Mbuli’s post-incarceration -liberation recorded rants. I remembered the Mzwakhe of the late 1980s whose recordings I could recite by heart. I even bought his poetry book.

Even though it (his poetry) was spruced with a lot of Aghostino Neto punchlines and other revolutionaries like Marcus Garvey and Patrice Lumumba it still made a lot of sense. It made sense because it was conceived and presented at an epoch that South Afrika was going through at the time, similar to what Angola, Jamaica and DR Congo went through.

Then The People’s Poet was thrown in jail for robbing a bank and being picked at an identity parade by a witness. I think his stay in jail really messed with his mind and his ability to litigate. Today he is known more for pioneering the battle against the technology that make people burn CDs, DVDs and other media and not spending money on actually buying the records. This is stealing from artists’ tables – it sucks as well.

His media-hyped crusades against Chinese and Indians hawkers reminds me of a guy who is said to have wondered why his business was stalling and when he was told that it was some people using cyberspace to do the same thing he was doing demanded that they be hired to work for him – when he was told that they make good money working cyberspace demanded that his CFO buy the whole fucking cyberspace in a hostile takeover.

What Mzwakhe fails to understand is that these days there are more file sharing sites than record bars. There are more DJs remixing and playing other people’s music than arenas to perform. I don’t need to leave my workstation to get a hot song for free. I can either go to a club to listen to some DJ playing Mzwakhe over a house beat.

Okay, the point behind this point is to critique why Mzwakhe is dangerously caught in a time warp. I picked this when I was listening to his empty rants against society. I still remember that his first recording after doing time in prison contained lines that demanded to know what was the bone of contention between Zuma and the Scorpions. That was shallow given that there are more newspapers in prison than in my whole neighbourhood but we knew what the two elephants were battling for.

Now his latest recording, with a religious twist, which is actually gospel - left me feeling bad for what prison does to people and their perception of society. Your clock stops when they lock those giant gates and only starts ticking again when they jerk them open after your parole hearing. And in your mind you are still at 10h30 when it’s already 23h46.

I can say with conviction and without any fear of contradiction that Mzwakhe sucks as a poet, not because of his own doing but the system that denied him the opportunity to move with the times. For a man who spoke for a lot of people and for rights his stand on gays and lesbians is hypocritical – Sodom and Gommorah? Please, I would understand if it came from Pope Benedict XVIII and not a man who lamented for freedom which comes with the right to be.

It is unlike Mzwakhe to moralise about crime and homosexuals when he was convicted of aggravated armed robbery. Will he feel comfortable if he was compared to the thugs who robbed the traveler who found solace in the house of the Samaritan in the New Testament? His rhetoric against abortion sounds as if it comes from the mouth of a person who was comfortable with our sisters dying in backstreet abortion labs since abortion was invented – not by us but those who were doing it in London during apartheid.

In his heyday (when he still sat on the UDF Cultural Desk) he never protested about the absence of proper medical facilities for termination of pregnancy for black sistas. What does he expect them to do when they miss their periods after a night of binging? Give birth and starve the kids or put them on welfare? Or do backstreet abortions and die like mongrels?

Finally, when I tried to fall in love with his sermons I ended up seriously offended. Mzwakhe tries to redeem himself through the use of punchlines as if he was some older version of ProKid, reminiscent of his protest poetry. But overall, the People’s Poet sucks as a poet. I would recommend that police commissioner Bheki Cele hook him up a badge and make him a sheriff in the new SAPS Cyber Unit.

2009-09-02T10:25:00.002+02:00

F*ck the Fascists - Let them go to Canada

Since yesterday I have been wondering about the furore surrounding the chap whose name I don’t bother to know who decided to apply for asylum in Canada and was granted on grounds that he has been attacked seven times by blacks and required protection from Affirmative Action. Why do we even have to worry about a racist that decided to find new people to oppress?
I understand the government’s argument that he is painting this country with a dirty brush by insinuating that this country’s crime situation is so out of control that the government can not protect him. Nice for Canada because it can. Nice for them as well because they don’t have AA, while the chap was comfortable in South Afrika when it used to have Job Reservation which excluded blacks from participating in the mainstream economy and employment opportunities. That is why we call him a racist; because he never opposed apartheid. And that is why we call Canada a racist regime; because I doubt if they can grant asylum to millions of Zimbabweans and Darfurians on wholesale because they have been attacked more than seven times by blacks.

I however think that we shouldn’t stress about this dude who decided to conjure up reasons to justify his asylum application which was going to be granted anyway. Obviously the dude always wanted Canadian domicile but couldn’t find a Canadian chick to impregnate. Indeed he might probably have been attacked seven times by ‘black’ South Afrikans and has Case numbers to prove it; he just can not prove that those darkies were South Afrikans as there are millions of blacks in South Afrika who are not South Afrikan. It’s like being attacked by a Hispanic in Los Angeles and you claim they are Americans while a large number are Mexicans with passports.

There are blacks from Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Malawi, Mozambique and Swaziland to mention just a few and to make my point clear. Can the dude put his dick on the line and tell me the difference between isiSwati (spoken in both Swaziland and Mpumalanga), isiZulu (spoken in both Kwazulu-Natal and Zimbabwe), isiXhosa, Sesotho (spoken in both Free State and Lesotho) and Setswana (spoken in both Botswana and North West)? If he can’t then how does he know that the person who attacked him was from South Afrika or neighbouring countries since all the above mentioned languages are spoken by blacks of different nationalities who are all resident in South Afrika?

My point here is that he is not running away from black South Afrikans and Affirmative Action but from Afrikans as a collective. He doesn’t want to live in Afrika with black people and that is why he is running, tail between his legs. And poor Canada thinks they can tame a jackal.

Unless Canada intends to be a haven for dirty scoundrels who are obsessed with racial purity they will in the long run find their society defiled by these groups of racists who take advantage of the country’s open door policy. If his issue is crime and he left South Afrika to escape from it what will he do when crime catches up with Canada? He obviously will run away to another country, apply for asylum and defame Canada’s crime situation to justify his application. I reckon he will probably say that he is running away from Canada because he has been attacked seven times by ‘Native Canadians’, since he can’t say whites given that he’s a dirty little white racist scoundrel.

It doesn’t make sense for him to complain about being attacked by ‘blacks’ in Afrika. Who does he expect to attack him, Chinese, Arabs? This here darkies are the majority and if you are going to be attacked by anyone 9 out of 10 they are going to be black. The Krugersdorp Samurai Sword killer is white and attacked whites; do I hear someone saying ‘isolated incident’? In the US the Virginia Tech massacre was carried out by a Korean-American on majority whites; did I hear someone saying ‘isolated incident’? The former Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin was killed by a Jewish assassin; did I hear someone saying ‘isolated incident’? JF Kennedy was killed by a white assassin; did I hear someone saying ‘isolated incident’? This goes to show that crime is discriminate and no racial justification should qualify anyone for asylum.

I personally have been robbed of my cellphone before and guess who the robbers were; blacks. If I was robbed by whites it would have made frontpage news in national newspapers. If I was I China I would obviously have been robbed by Chinese not Arabs or blacks. If I was in Saudi Arabia I probably would have been robbed by Arabs.

The dude decided that he doesn’t want to be part of any solution but always runs away when the heat catches up with him. I personally wish him well in chilly Canada and I wish Canada well in its accumulation of racists.

2009-08-31T20:56:00.004+02:00

Women of South Afrika, Listen to your Aunt Condi

By Derrick Z. Jackson, 11/20/2002

WASHINGTON- CONDOLEEZZA RICE was reminded of her decision to become a Republican after the 1984 Democratic National Convention. She said the Democratic Party's speeches to ''women, minorities, and the poor'' really meant ''helpless people and the poor.'' In a profile in The Washington Post, Rice said, ''I decided I'd rather be ignored than patronized.''
The national security adviser to President Bush was asked if she thinks the Democratic Party still patronizes ''women, minorities, and the poor.'' Laughing, she declined to answer the specific question last week before the Trotter Group, an organization of African-American columnists. But her answer was as riveting as if she had actually gone on to trash the Democrats.

''The fact of the matter is, race matters in America,'' Rice said. ''It has, it always has ... It is not that I mind being associated with the group. I am African-American and proud of it. I wouldn't have it any other way. And it has shaped who I am and it will continue to shape who I am.
''I do not believe it has limited who I am or what I can become. And that's because I had parents who, while telling me what it meant to be African-American and exposing me to that, also allowed me to develop as an individual to be who I wanted to be.''

Rice said the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham that killed four girls, including friend Denise McNair, shaped her views on the war on terrorism. ''If you've been through home-grown terrorism,'' Rice said, ''you recognize there isn't any cause that can be served by it ... Because what it's meant to do is end the conversation.''

In profiles, Rice talks about being hollered at as a child by a white store clerk for touching a hat. Rice's mother told the clerk ''Don't you talk to my daughter that way!'' Her mother then said, ''Now, Condoleezza, you go and touch every hat in this store.''
That reminded me of around 1965 when I was about 10. I bought comic books and ice cream in a drug store in DeKalb, Miss. Later, my grandfather informed me that was the ''white folks'' drug store. He could have berated me for breaking white folks' rules. Instead, he smiled and said, ''Good.''

For me, not accepting racial barriers would mean going on to little things like being on the first integrated child championship bowling team at a particular alley in Milwaukee, then bigger things like sportswriting when there were few African-Americans covering pro teams for major newspapers.

For Rice, it meant parents who ''didn't say to me, 'You know, it's really weird for a black girl from Birmingham, Ala., to want to be a Soviet specialist.''' Rice said that she liked Motown, the blues, and funk music like most of her friends, but her parents drove her to learn Brahms. Rice has often said bluntly that she had to master the white world better than a whole lot of white people to succeed.

''Sometimes when we say to our kids, 'You are a minority,' we don't say it in a way that says it is part of who you are, we say it as if it's an impediment that cannot be overcome by hard work and access to education and all of those things,'' Rice said. ''And I just think the messages are wrong when there is only focus on what group you happen to belong to, rather than the group is part of who you are, but also, who you are is who you are as an individual.
''We don't talk about it very much, but, yes ... it is a very good thing for the rest of the world that when Colin Powell and I walk in with the president of the United States, we are there as secretary of state and national security adviser, because I think it says to people that there aren't boundaries in which black Americans are not supposed to play ... I think it's an extremely important message to our kids. That's why I talk so much about the individual. It's not to deny the group, but I really think it's important that we appeal to each individual's worth and capability.''

Such reflections do not make Rice's political views and America's global arrogance any more appealing to me. But those who dismiss her as a hotheaded cold war queen miss a chance to dwell on her focus and drive. Unlike many black conservatives who shout louder than white ''color-blind'' conservatives that race no longer matters, Rice has no problem saying race matters, and since it is so, black folks had better work to get the most out of their individual talents.

In a Newsweek interview last year, Rice said, ''It wasn't as if someone said, 'You have to be twice as good' and 'isn't that a pity' or 'isn't that wrong.' It was just, 'You have to be twice as good.''' One does not have to like Rice's politics to appreciate how being twice as good has made her the most powerful woman in the world.

The evolution of JZ

2009-08-28T12:05:00.004+02:00

Originally published at PoliTrick or Treat

A few weeks ago the media was buzzing with a dumb American gimmick that is totally irrelevant to South Africa. I'm talking about that silly "100 days in office" PR stunt that was pulled. Predictably, everybody and their mamma had nothing but praise for our leader. Everybody was giving him cliche titles like "man of the people" "approchable" and so on and so forth. In the words of the great Andile Mngxitama, The same people, including the moral crusaders, who were telling up Zuma is not fit for the presidency were now dick-riding Zuma to the fullest. But has anybody asked themselves why? I mean, Zuma is still Zuma what exactly is it that he did that transformed him from Supervillain to hero? I'm gonna offer a reason for this:

The reason is simple. Unlike the likes of Malema et al, Zuma (or rather his PR team) is smart enough to practise an art I'd like to call "tip toeing around whitey", He knows well that media serves the interest of the minority because the minority have the money and money is power. The bottom line is money has to be made, one can do the honourable thing and speak the truth or they can tell everybody what they want to hear to get them to buy shit and advertise in their papers. So Zuma goes about telling people what they wanna hear and I'll point out two instances where he did this.

1. His stance on crime

Those of us who were fortunate enough to live in a society that wasn't cocooned from the real world know very well that the whole bullshit that the media is trying to sell that crime has grown out of control is....well, bullshit. The real story is that crime used to affect one section of the population, once it started affecting the other section, the wealthy and powerful section, We then got to hear about th ''crimminals that are taking over our country". What's the best way of winning over the wealthy section? Tell them that it is time to get tough on the crimminals. The asshats who lost at Polokwane used to boast by releasing crime stats, telling the country on how crime rate is declining then comes this guy who tells everybody what they wanna hear, "the crimminals have more rights than the victims, it's time we get tough on crime".

2. His stance on race issues

By now we all know the story, Julius being Julius says something sensational, Julius Malema raises the issue of minorities in the economic cluster, Defence and Military Veterans Minister Lindiwe Sisulu suggests that we need a dialogue on the race question and what did Zuma say? The smart thing: "The ANC is a non-racialist organization........Debating race is backwards" (I'm paraphrasing here). Some people where up in arms over that statement, I was disappointed as well but Zuma and his PR team are very smart people, they know very well that because of past injustices the majority were left penniless, the majority were left with the bulk of the wealth. Like I've said before, money is power. Who wants to guess which section of the population were left powerless? Anyhoo, Zuma has been a villain for almost five years he wants to feel appreciated for once, can we all give him a break. The worst thing he could do is threaten white hegemony. Let's get real we live in a country were the "minority" own almost all the wealth, some (if not most) want to keep it that way, a debate on race would include a debate on such things. Zuma has to appear as if he's the non-threatening black guy not willing to do anything worthwhile for the people who got fucked for four hundred years. If you've seen the type of comments at the times lately, you'd know that people would like to see the majority in the situation their in, they don't want change. They feel like change would mean upliftment of the previously oppressed at the expense of them by saying we shall have no debate on race Zuma is basically telling them "you can relax, things will stay exactly as they are". That's exactly what they wanna hear.

Let me leave it at that before I piss more people off. If you feel different then bad luck, we live in the age of Zuma, "there shall be no debate on such matters". Kidding, if you disagree with me. Speak on it!

2009-08-27T20:41:00.003+02:00

Forget Caster Semenya, let's audit Women in general - especially in this August

Regardless of what hundreds of women tried to do by explicitly backing athletics gold medallist Caster Semenya in her 'struggle' against being profiled, their recent behaviour leaves a lot to be desired. We release as scorecard that does not take into cognisance cheap political point scoring at the expense of the IAAF.

“Wa thinta abafazi wa thinta imbokoto”. These six words must have sparked serious fear into the hearts of the apartheid regime back in 1956. They should have; the regime was facing a pack of women whose bravery and resolve is still legendary 53 years on.

In 2009, with the mass media behind the manifestation of the mantra, it dismally fails to ignite. It has become an empty slogan akin to ‘we shall overcome’. Women have become such a less-intimidating species that there are already fears that efforts to affirm them on all fronts are likely to be an eternal national project. Nowhere are sisters seen fighting their own battles without searching for blame or demanding to be carried on the shoulders of men. Fifty years from now men will still be compelled to have women in their businesses to fulfill a gender equality mandate. Of course men will do it even if it’s mere window-dressing.

The sisterhood has not formed a solidarity front outside of the limiting confines of politics and business. South Africa has had women-inspired arts organizations like Feel-A-Sistah which never mentored any woman outside its narrow circle even though at their peak they hyped women emancipation as the departure point for empowerment. The situation has deteriorated to the point that women are not even together in sports and civil society. The sisterhood has been divided into a few affluent clusters that don’t accommodate simplicity.

Banyana-Banyana and the women Springboks have a serious difficulty attracting women fans whenever they play. The sisterhood is good at championing issues outside this country while the girl-child here is left to her own devices. Efforts like the Take A Girl-Child to Work campaign have become mere PR exercises than real empowerment of the girl-child (the future woman). There’s still no consensus on the prostitution debate while the trade mostly victimizes them.

The vibrant township netball teams of pre-’94 have been replaced by long queues of teenage girls collecting child support grants. Gender Links which is perpetuating a Eurocentric (feminist) solution to African problems and many other like-minded organizations claim to be advocating for women while their beneficiaries continue to be businesswomen looking for infrastructure contracts from government and not the village girl whose scholar transport has been hijacked by that other woman who won the contract without owning a bus?

Where is Gender Links as that Limpopo woman holds on to the contract to the detriment of schoolchildren, mostly girls? Where are the women-teachers in unions as male teachers continue to sleep with the girl-child under their watchful eye? Why is it hard for the South African Council of Educators (SACE) to gather evidence to discipline male teachers while unionized female teachers should be members of society first before pledging solidarity with pedophiles?

Where is the sisterhood as women becry harassment in the workplace and demand for sexual favours to gain employment, tenders, drivers licenses and many other such incidences?

The silence of influencial women like Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, Gracá Machel, Nosimo Balindlela, Lebogang Mashile, Bonang Matheba, Carol Manana, Ria Ledwaba etc is deafening. Where was the Commission on Gender Equality when Helen Zille, a woman was repeatedly referred to as a ‘girl’ and labeled promiscuous on the grounds of political differences? Why didn’t they speak out against such blatant patriarchy and a punch to the sisterhood?

The absence of the ANC Women’s League during the trial of Khwezi who accused Jacob Zuma of rape was very disturbing. Women in South Africa today place political party loyalty infront of gender redress. Why does Judge John Hlope have a fan club and not Judge Bess Nkabinde? Why haven’t women nominated a women for the position of Chief Justice but are out backing men candidates?

Where is the ANCWL as the Men’s Forum is taking ANC Youth League president Julius Malema to the Equality Court to demand that he apologise for defaming a women by insinuating that Khwezi enjoyed sex that is why she asked for taxi fare and left in the morning?
Today, women-owned SMMEs are forming a bulk of service providers providing catering services to government departments during functions. Immediately emphasis is put on capacitating them on that front accusations of pigeonholing fly that there is more to women than catering, hospitality and tourism.

Where is Nolitha Fakude, Monhla Hlahla, Uyanda Mbuli, Lebohang Pheko, Basetsana Khumalo, Sibongile Sambo, Lorraine Letswele to mentor these women before they are given big projects by virtue of being women?

“Wa thinta abafazi wa thinta imbokoto!”. They say 'the loudest one in the room is the weakest one'. And with the slogan sounding louder in August, it’s the more the weakness is highlighted. Malibongwe! What for?

It is a women’s month

2009-08-26T22:30:00.004+02:00

Before the women’s month can disappear into abyss until we resurrect it in the next year, I thought it will be unfair not to write something about this month we love and cherish so much. I mean we’ve got our African mothers and sisters that we can write books and articles about their heroines. I, for one suffered the trauma of confusion when it came to this women’s month, firstly I wanted to dedicate this month and tell you about my dearest, bravest late grandma (Leria Malele), but felt the cliché. I contemplated on taking on the angle of the value of a woman, with my God-rearing mom (Miggot Malele) and SA women in general in thought, but backed out of it. In a minute, I felt a bit like a writer; keyboard in my hands, a subject at heart but confused and frustrated. Then it came to me that I should dedicate an article to the hard working young women in the world with Beyonce Knowles and Lebo Mashile in thought. The former Destiny’s child member made an impact on me, she has evolved into an epitome of a women hustler; she turned herself into a diva, a 20th century phenomenon. As for Lebo, the woman tunes me on,(Wa ng'yenza) in a good way though, she envelopes the sincerity of an African woman, with sensuality, intelligence and raw beauty. Damn I wish I could say that twice.

But all plans fell lose when the Caster Semenya’s controversial IAAF world championship story came through the media. All politicians took words out of me when they got the chance to address the issue, for god’s sake it was women’s month in Mzansi, couldn’t the organization pick another time. I got desperate, because I wanted to put a pen on paper on this one, but, while I was obsessing about this like some of the politicians are about the Semenya issue, I sat and listen to my females colleagues (Africans to be specific) converse about their personal lifestyles. I listened at how frequently and bluntly they mention the pleasures of cheating, flirting, one night stands and jokingly slandering their husbands or fiancées. It haunted me that women of such class and intelligence can fail to epitomize the respect of women of 1956. I decided to address this issie but also failed, Maybe I’m reading too much into this but I’ve checked the statistics of failed young marriages and the numbers are staggering and if women talk about their partners in a disrespectful way, where is the marriage or the relationship? I’m not leaving men as saints here but like they say ‘wa thinta mfazi wa thinta e mbokodo’, we have to give it to our African females for the hardships they endure. Although its not all glitz and glamour like Selimanthuzi suggests, I pondered on the way we lead our lives as Channel O puts it young, gifted and black, I like it, cherish the moment but we are a society that degrade itself. Young women fail to respect and pray for their partners like our mothers use too, it’s a shame but big-up to all those chicks who put us on the map. This year, this month I thought about the women in my life, the women in Mzansi and the women of the world and I thought about Leria Malele.

Check the hardcore version of this article on www.theplatform2.blogspot.com

Lehlogonolo

2009-08-26T20:35:00.000+02:00

Who Said These Words and To Whom were they Said?

"In the African National Congress whenever a challenge arises we look back into history to see how a similar situation was solved at some stage of our rich past. We know, that the movement is still going strong today means that the solution befitted the situation when it arose. We have only one instance where the remedy failed and the centre could no longer hold and the Charterists had to find comfort in the departure of the Pan Africanists. With the benefit of hindsight it is a situation we could have handled better.

We learnt nothing from that as last year we were once again confronted with that and we again split. In the ANC we don't seek new remedies for old ailments but old remedies for new ailments, because nothing is new excerpt for the strand - there's nothing BORSTOL can't fix that cough related. However the challenge posed by former president Thabo Mbeki to the movement was unprecedented, that's why even the pill we applied to remedy it was too bitter for most of us. I hope we learned, and the situation never arises.

If it does I hope we shall know how to handle it wisely, plus that pill is still there, already prescribed."

2009-08-16T09:58:00.001+02:00

Aluta Continua! Aluta Continua! 'Til the Chicken Come Home to Roost

I recently heard a sad but funny story. It is sad because it’s based on poverty and funny by the way the narrator was telling it. It was the story of a family so poor that the mother works at a poultry farm. This is how it was told to me;

“The other day she quit working there because the other women who work as domestics also wanted to work at the poultry. And when we asked her why didn’t she want to work in the house given that it’s warm, cozy and the food is galore she said that she’s tired of competing for dead chicken with them. Apparently she loved working in the poultry farm because even though everyone earned R300 a month wherever they were working, at the farm she also had her way with dead chicken. On an average morning you would have eight dead chicken and sometimes thirteen and she took them all home and plucked them, then cooked them.

“So the other day we were surprised because even though that family is known for poverty we noticed that the children always chowed half-chicken each with their dinner. You would find a child struggling with half-chicken and I was like, ‘for the life of me at home we are not that poor but we eat chicken potions, not half chicken each. That’s when I realized that it is the dead chicken. There are four children and whenever the mother comes back from work she just plucks three birds, and serves each half chicken with pap”

That was sad, I thought and funny they way the two chaps went ahead and shared the story, “so we haven’t been eating chicken for some time because everytime I look at my chicken I’m thinking about the decomposing one I saw being relished”.

I shared their frustration. I remembered that I have been to a mortuary only once, and on that day that I walked in and out of that doomed house I had difficulty eating anything with gravy or flesh. And for me it was clear that no-one can serve anyone human flesh but it still gave me creeps. And for my two buddies I felt apathy, and for the family eating dead chicken I felt that those who have something little must share with those who have nothing. We need a caring society that makes sure that nobody endangers their lives (eating dead chicken) under our guard. Aluta Continua!

2009-08-02T16:53:00.005+02:00

Three Doses of Reality a Day for Nigga Barack Obama – from the Nigga Nas

When Nasir Jones (born September 14th, 1973) went into the studio to record his album last year he didn’t envisage it ending up being the bone of contention in America with lawyers seeing the Billboard crashing and politicians failing to stop the war in Afghanistan suddenly coming out to stop him. The slain Tupac Shakur rightfully said in How Do You Like It, "Delores Tucker you's a motherfucker/ instead of trying to help a nigga you destroy a brother/ ??? Bill Clinton Mr Bob Dole/ you too old to understand the way the game goes/ you lame so i got to hit you with the hot tracks".

Nas' case was disturbing more especially since America was supposed to be focused on the impending presidential elections instead of a side-show like the release of a much-anticipated hip-hop album. I mean for all you know many people including Young Jeezy released their albums last year and didn’t even cause a stir like they way Jones had Newsweek magazine noticing his and knitting a few words about it.

Untitled, the album that was supposed to be titeld Nigger is good, actually it’s brilliant, it gives us vintage Nas, the Nas we lost when he started doing jams with En Vogue, Mariah Carey and Genuwine. The Nas who tried to make Braveheart a conscious bunch but ended up with a mob of niggas whose only obsession was sex and the good life. Those were your Fifty-Deep crew whose hobby was dropping verses on mixtapes. What do you make of Horse interplorring Biggie, 'when it comes to sex I'm similar to the thriller in Manila' and then going on to tell us about how he thinks Kelly Price is the shit.

On Untitled, which Nas is quick to announce that he changed nothing with the name and that unlike Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel and others it’s his soul speaking, he sounds more raw, more in-your-face, more like Tupac at his prime and later on The Don Killuminati; Seven Day Theory. He’s actually a crossover between rugged Harlem assassin Immortal Technique and Black Pantherised Tupac.

Exploring his battles with the powers that be to be allowed to speak, he says in Hero, “But people remember this/ If Nas can't say it, think about these talented kids/ With new ideas being told what they can and can't spit/ I can't sit and watch it/ So, shit, I'ma drop it/ Like it or not/ You ain't gotta cop it” Earlier on he shares the story of the pressure put on Universal Records to dump the recording and render him a failed emcee. He's not soft on Rupert Murdock either, attacking everything from his Fox to MySpace assets.

We make the world go Round is a jam where he is featuring The Game (and not Lil Wayne, fresh air!!!) and Chris Brown (before he became an amateur boxer) and he fantasizes of booking the whole Trumps Hotel for his ghetto ‘hood. “get the whole Trump Tower top floor for the hood’ he raps before The Game takes over and tells us about how he went from robbing armoured cars to armoured stars , walking red carpets and throwing red dice at the Mirage.

The album contains tracks like Queens Get Their Money, Sly Fox, NIGGER, Louis Farrakhan, You Can’t stop us Now, Nigger Hatred, Be a Nigger too, Fried Chicken, Project Roach, Ya’ll my Niggas and We’re not Alone.

Whatever they call it I call it the Nigger album and it rocks. For a full version of this post go to www.kasiekulture.blogspot.com

2009-07-28T20:34:00.003+02:00

Don't F___ With Me

Just yesterday I was looking for a Garmin since I had to navigate some dodgy dorpie called Moletsi somewhere in _________ (ask Garmin). I went to Google Earth and all I could tell was that there is a dam approximately ten or fifteen kilometres from it. And I knew that there is a community radio station that I had to be at to meet some very important and influencial people.

However I ended up not going because like any other business when you engage with it you have to tell them upfront how much are they likely to make. But when someone wants me to fly to some dodgy town in these days of service delivery protests without telling me how much will my sojourn reward me they are committing business suicide. Imagine me in this dodgy town looking all suspicious and the dudes there thinking that I am a spook sent to detect a Third Force.

Bang-bang, I just died like that. For what? Greed? No ways, I'm fine. So I couldn't tell my good friends that I was not going to rent a Garmin and navigate the bundu but I just chose to; let the call pass by. Some things are better off left unattended to. I mean how can someone tell me that they want to engage me for four days without telling me how much is my worth. Also I have serious beef with this trickle down service provision.

I mean that if Pan South Africa Language Board wants the constitution translated to my Sepulana language don't just bid for the job, pay the bribe and then ask yourself after signing the appointment letter how are you going to execute it. Don't think that the fact that I'm on your dial means I will say yes. I might be broke but I'm not cheap. I will tell you where to get off until you are ready to give me all that they are paying you. Because simply; you chewed more than you can swallow, so deal with it.

So. my heart is sad that I am disappointing some potential clients for the second time in one year. The same fucking people who always think of me as a secondary service provider. Forget Garmin and Google Earth, I'm home chilling, busy with my 1000 piece picture puzzle and collecting wines.

2009-07-21T19:04:00.004+02:00

The cost of being Black - R12,00

How hypocritical was the activities of the last week for South Afrika. We have recently been grappling with issues of race with some saying racism will be dead when the Democratic Alliance finally condemns all whites who put dogs in front seats while the darkie farmworker catches flu in the base.
We can't assume that white means DA and darkie means ANC since I'm darkie but not ANC. Some saying racism will be gone once they have white aunties cleaning their floors. It’s interesting times for South Afrika because finally people are talking about these things that Nelson Mandela was comfortable with them being swept under the carpet.
The native son Thabo Mbeki sparked this discourse with his stories of two nations, one rich, one poor, one white and one black.
Okay, I didn’t intend to be political but to raise an issue that left me cold – literally. It was the appointment of Gill Marcus as the new Reserve Bank governor from November 9, 2009.
I was left wondering this weekend where were those equally competent darkies that Black Management Forum and the Three Musketeers (ANC, SACP, COSATU) always rhetorise about when a white person is appointed to a position of power in the private sector when President Jacob Zuma appointed a white woman to head the Reserve Bank?
Marcus is as white as they come and no cosmetic interpretation of race will change her. The ANC is not a laboratory that changes whites to darkies as people walk into the organization with their race and stay there with it. Do you mean to convince me that the self-confessed ANC Boer thief Carl Niehaus became a darkie the moment he joined End Conscription Campaign (ECC). Otherwise given that ANC membership costs R12, this should be the cheapest membership to any race in the world.

Outgoing governor Tito Mboweni had three darkie deputies who according to Zuma do not cut it as potential governors. I don’t want to say because they were appointed by Mbeki, no I might be wrong. However if it was Anglo-Gold or Alexander Forbes that made such a dodgy appointment you would have had the musketeers blowing hot and cold, threatening rolling mass action, but because it’s homegrown felony – it’s honour amongst thieves as always.

Hawkish Tito ruffled feathers when he allegedly said that it was not easy working with darkie executives because they have a tendency to job-hop in search of bigger pay and can’t be relied upon to build sustainable organizations. He said that they were all about more money (probably bigger cars and bellies) and not building careers and organizations.

Coming to Marcus, the truth is that a white person is a white person and her political affiliation does not change the fact that her appointment is the saddest day for Affirmative Action and transformation. We need independent voices in this country and dissenting ones for that matter. My argument is not that people should be appointed because they are darkies but that there needs to be consistence on the part of the ANC on what constitutes an executive appointment, which ones are reserved for darkie execs and which ones go to converted whites like Marcus.

PS. I’m stacking the Tito Mboweni banknotes to boycott the Gill Marcus ones for at least a year – hahaha, joking.

for an extended version of this post go to http://www.kasiekulture.blogspot.com/

2009-07-19T13:25:00.002+02:00

67-Minutes My Foot

The funniest questions I fielded today (Monday) have been about what did I do with my installment of 67-minutes on Saturday. I could easily have said I spent it working a prostitute which I later tipped with double what she charged me.

But I know ladies of the night wouldn’t have adored me working that thing for 67-full minutes since no matter how hard I plunged, I would still end up without giving her an orgasm.
However it did cross my mind to spend my 67-minutes giving a whore its first transactional orgasm.

Instead I spent Saturday working, covering stories of people who were spending their 67-minutes doing something. I spent it with politicians and their friends (not Priests though), a bad combination. Yeah indeed they were ploughing derelict fields, donating food, blankets and toiletries, deweeding arid vegetable gardens, cleaning hospices and doing all the other stuff that they should do without Nelson Mandela’s birthday being the point of departure.

I mean these folks who get elected into political office by the masses should make time to do this kind of thing without playing for the camera. I can say I spent my day with hypocrites.

I tell you it was like an E-entertainment reality show for them and you know how it goes, with reality shows everyone from Kim Kardashian, Snoop Dogg, Kimora Simmons, Khanyi Mbau and all others are fucking playing to their own script. When the camera is rolling don’t lie to me that you are not acting.

So, my humble 67-minutes were not that beneficial to humanity. Covering stories is what I do for a living, giving stuff bought with government money is working for politicians, ploughing is working for everyone in a communal setting and they were there where they came from before the Benzes and Beemers.

Me, I give 67-minutes at least thrice every week. And I don’t call the media to record me doing it and don’t need the old man to turn 91 to do it. So, I aspire to leave that mark not on people’s t-shirts but on their hearts. Which is why I’m sort of cynical about this 67-minutes gimmick because those hordes of people who were performing at New York would not make time for the child with a face deformation who resides across the streets.

For all I know even the SABC will not cover the story of a girl who fell into a manhole. So, who’s giving what to whom and why? Think about it before you ask me that question.

2009-07-16T21:30:00.004+02:00

You Can (un)Kiss The Bride

The other day, actually two days ago at the gym when almost everybody was nearing exhaustion one of my friends started a conversation about getting married. Now, you know you'll hear a bunch of shit if unmarried people try to interrogate an institution they only read about in O Magazine, hear about in the Thobela FM dramas and watch on Desperate Housewives.

Now this other dude said that if someone is brave enough to invite the whole community to his wedding he should be brave enough to invite them to the divorce and stage it the same way he did hid union. I protested that when getting married you invite people to come and share in your happiness and that melancholy is not something you want to share with others.

He said that the same way the pastor is invited to make a man and a woman whole he should be invited to declare them unwhole. So, you see the women at the gym bought into this conversation and asked how do you make things unwhole when making them whole was easy. 'Simply put how do you unscramble an omelette?'

The dude who pitched the proposal said the two should go back to church infront of the congregation and remove the rings from each other, put them back in the vase and hand them to the church to auction and raise some cash for renovations. Then they must stick their tongues int each other's mouth and the pastor say, 'you can unkiss the bride', at which they shall pull back and part ways. Sort of like turning back the hands of time (ala R.Kelly's song)

Now someone asked why should the engagement ring be given to the church as well given that engagements don't happen in church, to which some dude asked if darkies still did engagements.
'Yeah, they do, that's why you find three rings on the bride's fingers', responded a chick. To this some guy said, 'these days we don't put rings as a form of engagement, we impregnate you and you know you are taken. We engage you with a baby'. Hahahahaha! That was funny. It was funny then and yesterday at the gym the guys were still cracking jokes about it.

Haha!

2009-07-15T20:57:00.002+02:00

Happy Birthday Se Gat!

I haven't been funny in a long time due to reasons that those closest to me know. And I feel that I have been denying you, my loyal 'Mshini visitor some nice comical tidings. So, I'm going to start with two stories I heard recently which are not about Michael Jackson even though he's the biggest comedy that ever lived.

One of my buddies says his closest road-dog (the one you smoke with) was turning 27 (that age that some people choose to die at) and his girlfriend, who has lived in Zilleville (Cape Town) and got exposed to some metrosexual (sexually confused) bullsh*t decided to surprise him with a present. The dude was chilling with friends eSkhaleni blowing his Vuvuzela (drinking a 750 ml quad) when the poor woman came and said, 'hi baby', the guy, taken aback said, 'heita'. Then the GF said smiling, 'Happy Birthday Daddy', the dude acted his thoroughbred upbringing since his boys were watching, 'ah, I never thought about it'.
For sure the dude didn't remember his own birthday because he wasn't shit and didn't have a reason to live since he was born as collateral damage and not for a purpose, so for him forward and backward were the same.

The nice bald chick said, 'Happy Birthday anyway. I have a surprise for you'. Her hands have been hidden behind her back all this time. 'Surprise?, what is it?'.
"Make a wild guess", the dude was smiling now when the woman requested him to close his eyes.
When he opened them she was holding a bunch of flowers that cost her R45, the one they call a boquet and a R23 Happy Birthday card, the one with annoying melody.

The dude received the gifts and threw them to the ground, angry and shaking, "what do you think I am, a goat that eats flowers? You know I'm a drinker and you could have just bought me a half-jack or nip'. The chick was scared now, 'sorry!' while the card was playing 'Happy Birthday'
'You are stupid woman"

Moral of the story; Don't perceive that every guy who puts on a pink shirt, g-string and pierces his lip is metrosexual and start to treat them to sunflowers. Some of us think that metrosexual is a pit stop to homosexual (destination) from heterosexual (pole position) and any insinuation that I should be in touch with my feminine side is like saying I should bend infront of Somizi (hardy mf'wethu)

More crude jokes next time.

2009-07-12T21:13:00.001+02:00

Countdown to QUIT!

In recent days to say that I have been lazy is an understatement, actually since I made my decision to retire early I have been on a retirement mode and am already winding down. I am no longer really sending news stories like I used to do say, ten or eleven years ago. I am no longer seeing the need to go online in search of opportunities as I used to. Actually I have gone back to a simple life, the life before the hustle took control of me.

Recently I have been assuring my boys that all I need is R4 million and I would retire a happy man. I will cease all the paperchase and leave others to take it further. I would simply buy that crib by the hill, that ultra-safe car, that nice swimming pool and then invest R2 million. Then I will spend the rest of my life pursuing my true love - which is art. I will spend hours on end perfecting my drawings, poetry, guitar playing and becoming a hortoculturalist. I look at Khaphela in Generations and think, wow! sonofabitch is having a good time.

My plan is to retire early, when I hit forty I want to be out of here. I simply have no ambition to work beyond forty. And when I was enticed with an offer to go into business with some dude recently I felt I was being pulled back, I have been in that situation where the rand is my shephered and I managed to make quite a tidy income and good investments and am now on a countdown to quit.

One of my media buddies told me that he had a rumour that I wanted to start a newspaper and all I could tell him was that such a thought never crossed my mind. I harbour no such ambitions, I have no time to run a newsroom. I told him that I am contemplating retiring soon and not running empires. I have run my race and there's nothing new left for me in this race.

Moral of the post; work hard in your early years to retire early. I have a feeling I'm gonna be bored chilling all alone at Clifton sipping cappuccino. Hola if you feel me!

2009-07-06T20:22:00.003+02:00

Ten Things to do with The King's Brain

I have always suspected that it might be done but was keeping my suspisions on the downlow - that Michael Jackson, in the event of his death won't be allowed to go with his brain. I knew for some time that the curious scientists in America have always wanted to know what makes a darkie suffer such low self-esteem as to aspire to be white, and they wouldn't miss an opportunity to inspect Michael's brain.

Okay!, its official, Michael is going to be buried - minus his brain. The coroner's office in Los Angeles claims that it wants to conduct further tests to see if the King wasn't killed by an overdose of pills - stupid sonofabitch should read my posts and know what the Autopsy results are. And now as a ploy to keep the Gloved One's engine at UCLA they claim that they can only detect such evidence once the brain is dry. I wonder if the brain will rot or dry up.

My question is; if they need a brain to determine levels of toxicology why didn't they keep that of Elvis Presley? Why didn't they keep that of Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and all those 27ers who died believing they were going to play on the Orchestra Beyond? Why keep that of The King. Okay!, I am going to speculate why they would do that;

1. to figure out the accuracy of the Evolution of Man mythology

2. to see if he bleached it as well

3. to compare it to that of prisoners doing time at Rickers to see if isolation does ruin your brain

4. to grind it and mix with crack and cocaine to produce a narcotic so potent heroin will finally have its competition

5. to exhibit at the American Museum of Man and charge extra dollars to visit that cubicle

6. to spare the maggots from becoming musicians

7. to start a scam whereby as many loyal fans as possible will buy fake Michael Jackson brain while the 419 gang rakes in the moolah

8. to auction it as some stage to settle his debt, it's part of Asset Forfeiture

9. to show the world a part of the brain that gets raptured before someone is classified moron

10. to allege that Iran stole it so that they can start a war around next year

Well the options are limitless. Maybe you can tell me, apart from grinding it and smoking it, what would you do with a Michael Jackson brain?

2009-07-01T09:48:00.003+02:00

Peter Pan Killed A Journalist

When you see a bunch of journalists looking dejected don’t ever be stupid enough to think that maybe one of their own died – maybe a Rupert Murdock or Larry King. I doubt if they’ll ever cry if such happened. They never did when the Bang-Bang Club disintegrated. They don't give a shit about you.

Journalist only fear two things; a deadline and the death of their favourite story. a deadline is like the last train out of a park station – you miss it you are stuck. They can bear missing everything (including coming during coitus) but not a deadline.

So when a journalist has knitted an intriguing story about a ‘dodgy’ minister based on speculation and a shrewd editor rejects the draft and urges him to get bank records of the transaction plus check the Registrar of Member’s Interest and find that the muthafucka actually didn’t commit any crime it is an anti-climax and the story dies.

Apparently a journalists that the credit facility used by the minister in his ‘dodgy’ deal allows him to get a car worth R1.1 million but he went for a measly million. And yeah, it was taxpayer money, and yeah he went with his PA and a driver.

Now, why am I telling you all these? It’s because my friend saw a lot of hacks outside the Jackson family home, some sobbing and sitting their Versace bottoms on pavements and mistakened their fake crocodile tears for emotion and pain at the death of Michael Jackson, Peter Pan, The Gloved One, MoonWalker, Wacko Jacko, Lehlanya etc.

PS. I’m a journo and I can tell you we don’t cry over spilled sources and stories – actually we hardly cry.

TRIBUTE TO THE KING OF POP

2009-06-29T22:49:00.003+02:00

Well I thought it will be good to do a tribute to the Wacko one, after all he is the king of pop and all the pop puppets that followed were just trying to emulate the Wacko one. Like Neo, he is the one. Michael Jackson was sent to the world, the brother came to save the music and he did just that, well amongst other weird things. The man came through as a music genius, music god; he flipped the pop culture 180 degrees by dominating the genre that was known to be of white people and the pop music has never been the same. Ironically, the gloved one’s ambition was not only to penetrate the music through his moon walking moves only the nigga wanted to be white or so we think. As genius as he is, predominantly terrorizing the world music charts like Elvis in his prime, the nigga continued with his facial dis-arrangement from fixing the nose, the chin to doing the curly hair. We watched as we continued to love and support him, as he transformed himself from a handsome young man into living ghost. Michael soared as a musician, he was selling millions, packing stadiums with die hard fans world wide, he was a phenomenal, but his lifestyle lacked direction. I never judge people for doing things that seem to be ‘unnatural’ cuz we all have our reasons for doing what we do and Michael had his although it cost him his identity, handsome face and his dignity. In his prime, while everybody was crazy about him, iniquity enveloped him like the world did to his Thriller album to never to let go. Well, some said it was imminent, they say the evidence where there, like the theme park ‘nevaland’ which served as his house and his ‘love’ for children. Our icon turned into a pedophile. He was accused of child molestation not only once but twice and our Michael survived those Himalayas but we are still left with question marks ??????? A full grown man who likes to play with children? A black man, with a face like Casper the ghost? Marriage, that only lasted two weeks? Like I said, we do what we do because we have our reasons for doing them, and I don’t judge Michael, what I wanted was to write an unforgettable tribute to the icon one we loved to hate, we loved his music, his dance and his artistry but despised what he represented as a person. We can say what we want to, but the man I’m talking about made history like Christ did, like Elvis did, like Leonardo da Vinci did….may his soul rest in peace.

Lets take care of ourselves and each other
Lehlogonolo

2009-06-29T14:25:00.004+02:00

Peter Pan is Dead – All Hail the King!

I don’t want to pour cold water (given that it’s Winter and it’s cold already) over the recent euphoria surrounding the death of pop musician Michael Jackson by making jokes about the deceased. Yeah, for real, Michael is dead and his bigger-than-life gimmicks are gone with him. Never again shall he need to put on funny masks and hats at a time when Swine Flu is not yet an epidemic; never again shall he need to throw a peace sign everytime a camera clicks as if he was a Golani Bridage corporal as his tank passes a UN monitored check-point in Southern Lebanon.

Michael, it is understood that as a kid aspiring to be Peter Pan who never really went to school like all of us always thought genetics worked along his narrow interpretation of biotic understanding– as if suppose I marry the daughter of Larry King me and her stand a big chance of producing a hotshot media personality. Nobody told Michael that genes don’t function according to our whim – you have more odds stacked against you to inherit cancer and diabetes from your mother than her guitar playing skills.

And poor Michael went ahead and married Lisa-Marie Presley only to bore her with his untold bedroom antics; somebody please leak Michael’s Sex Tape to Vivid!

Sometimes I wonder where was Motown’s Barry Gordy through this entire morass? Okay, it’s Gordy we talking about who was there even when Marvin Gaye bled through his nostrils.

Yeah, the ‘King of Pop’ who aspired to dance on the moon since his Thriller days finally has an opportunity to be a King for real. Where he’s at there’s no work so his credentials alone guarantee that Michael finally became king, at death – on our side. Funny.

So, we’ll never know if Michael did it but since dead people can not sue or be sued we can start to speculate why he would always love walking around with burly Marine-type men holding umbrellas for him and sitting on wheelchairs? For the life of me I am scared of wheelchairs even when it means they are just the means to being admitted to hospital. Something says to me if I acquaint myself with the machine I might be inviting some handicap. I know this sound cheap but not cheaper than Michael’s gimmicks which are snapped for free.

Whatever emerges and what can be observed out of the life and times of Michael is that he was a very sad and broken man. He never really had friends apart from his legion of publicists, biographers, fans, Nelson Mandela, personal photographers, PAs, brothers, sisters, mother and father. He never trusted people enough to get close to them since he always thought they wanted something from him. He was never a 50-Deep type. Who the fuck did he think he was – some drug that everyone wanted to get high on?

There’s not much science involved in analysing heart attacks; if your heart is overloaded with all the carbon dioxide it beats very fast, which means more blood or rather oxygen released into the system, which means you sweat, which means you become dehydrated and the blood becomes thicker and has more difficulty traveling through your arteries, which means if at that time you are incapacitated by another drug your heart gets clogged and you suffer cardiac failure and die.

I saw people on television crying as if they have just lost their balls. They cried the same way when Jimi Hendrix died. I saw them crying when Janis Joplin passed on. I swear I heard them crying fifteen years ago when Kurt Cobain spilled his own brains.

I ask people who trusted Michael with all their heart to tell me, ‘if you could unscrew your dick and leave it with someone for five days while you went somewhere, would you trust yours in the hands of Michael, do you think your pussy or dick will still be in a state you left it in with Michael if you did so? The question is largely that do you think the dude could be trusted?

I don’t know. But truly on June 25 – indeed the music died.

for the full story go to http://www.kasiekulture.blogspot.com/

2009-06-22T21:40:00.003+02:00

To all the Drugs I Used Before

For the first time in so many years I listened to Thobela FM, the station that used to be called Radio Lebowa or Radio Bantu. Like always the topic under discussion was about nation building and moral regeneration. They were actually talking about drugs.

I felt so angelic that I have never really did the hardest of drugs in my short life. They helped me realise that what I called hard drugs was actually mere hallucinogens and depressants while what qualifies as serious narcotics are stimulants.

Incase you have been wondering this are three categories of the stuff. Alcohol is a depressant because it numbs you and slows your responses. That’s why I have always argued when some folks told me that they make better lovers when sloshed. I am often like ‘wait right there broer, for all I know you can’t even use a rubber when sloshed because your glans feels like hard rubber and you can’t fell the oomph’. But well some dudes swear by Charles Glass that they bonk better under the influence – good for them.

Now there are hallucinogens or drugs that give you pictures in your brain which might actually not be there. Those are drugs like benzine, glue, marijuana and nyaope (heroine mixed with dagga). These are classified hallucinogens since music feels better, sex feels better but the problem is that you don’t come because you often give up along the way to follow some thought about a bicycle cycling down Chapman’s Peak. And when you come back to mother earth the dick is limp.

And finally there are stimulants like cocaine, heroine, tick, ecstasy and friends. These narcotics make you feel hyper, you make better sex but it’s just that you sweat a lot as well and you need to keep on hydrating yourself to keep up with the momentum. For all I know you can have a punchy ménage trios when on cocaine and your concentration span is longer. What I don’t know is the side-effects of heavy bonking induced by drugs.

And I thought I have done the worst until I realised that I have been a saint. I deserve a better cocktail or rum weedsmoke and coke. Holler!

2009-06-16T19:21:00.003+02:00

What's In A Name?

You have your darkies who swear to god that even in a million years they don’t aspire to be white. Then you have your Michael Jackson type who from the moment they were born always wanted to be white. I have often asked what’s the point of darkies wanting to be whites but when it’s time to actually do it the first thing they want to change is the colour of their skin. It’s melanin at work people – stop it.

Now the next step in that ambition to be white came with some darkies adopting what they call white names. Okay they call them christen names. However recently when I did my research into white people’s names I discovered that 80% of what darkies call English names do not exist in the white birth register.

What I’m talking about here is names like Given, Gift, Beauty, Linkie, Cyanide, Sinias, Rockerfeller, Goodenough, Believe etc. what makes a parent decide to call their beautiful daughter Beauty still beats me, same with all the other names.

First of all Given means something else in English, Gift is a present, Cyanide is poison, Rockerfeller is a surname of the a wealthy American family – not a name. I don’t even want to go into Goodenough.

White people have names like Elvis, Brad, Calvin, Eric, Patrick, Hank, Brett, Roger which if you asked them what they mean they can tell you more even what language it was – Irish, Scottish, Welsh or English.

So, my daughter does not have an English name but a vernacular one that means something else. And none of my future kids will have names that don’t mean anything. That’s until we have white people with names like Sibusiso, Mzwandile, Lethabo, Thabang, Neo etc.

That’s my humble contribution to June 16. Let’s change the attitude comrades!

2009-06-09T21:00:00.001+02:00

Xenophobia

In this country we have short-cuts to everything, including the scapegoats we adopt when we can't navigate out of a sticky situation. Recently with Julius Malema making it a habit of pointing fingers at Helen Zille it has become fashionable again us to realise that there are darkies and larnies. So, this week I tried to look at how much prejudice do we cultivate in the name of political correctness. I would challenge many darkies who live in townships to protest when I call them bloody racist scoundrels who make the larnies their scapegoats.

A certain academic once observed that in 1994 when apartheid finally crumbled 'the settlers were forced out of the ossewa but the problem was that the wagon was never dismantled' instead the newly truimphant darkies marched into it and occupied the warm laureals left by the fleeing Boers. Suddenly you had darkies who were moving to the previously exclusively white suburbs, those who were taking their kids to previosly Model C schools, playing golf and taking up gym memberships they didn't intend to use. In other words they became the new ruling class with an elitist twist. It showed that they hated apartheid not because it was evil but because of the advantages that it was providing to white people. They hated the Boer because they envied everything about him. They wanted his schools, suburbs, cars and power.

And now the same darkies have got the audacity to stand ontop of highrise buildings and accuse whites of not understanding darkies because they (whites) have never been to darkie areas as if it's the rite of passage to be considered a South Afrikan. At the mere mention of a larney who has never walked my ghetto being less-patriotic I usually ask if we major conformity by visitation.

Then I adk the so-called hardcore ghetto dwellers to tell me how many of them have been to a Coloured suburb? How many of you darkies have ever been to Eldos, Phillipi, Westbury and even Valencia? Darkies talk all shit about how Coloureds are mentally unstable and how they'll never hesitate to strangle you with a guitar string or stab you after another session of tik. That's perception; based on lies and miseducation by apartheid authorities. The problem is that the only time television shows Coloureds is when the story is about drugs, gang violence, teenage pregnancy and spinning cars.

Thus the Coloured becomes a distorted race. A race associated with everything bad. A race which's suburbs darkies are scared to walk. But the same darkies accuse whites of the same crime. Hypocrite muthafuckas! That's xenophobia and it should stop.

2009-05-31T18:34:00.003+02:00

Where's the Funny?

A lot of funny stuff emerged during a conversation with some of my best buddies recently. And some of it is really comedy that would not make it to the Real Heavyweight Comedy show which has become a Monte Casino feature.

A friend told me that one of the funniest jokes he can tell is that there has been a reduction of suicide bombings in Baghdad. One should remember that there was once a time that the family of a suicide bomber was rewarded with mint dollars.

So my friend said that the reduction in suicide bombings are a result of the global economic crunch. “I’m telling you my friend the Sheiks who have been bankrolling the bombings, then rolling out moolah to the families of the martyrs are feeling the pinch and have started economizing. I should confess I didn’t find it funny though.

Here’s another one which was supposed to be funny about JZ’s socialista daughter Dudu. My friend put his balls on the guillotine that if the first daughter does not grace one of the following magazine titles, DRUM, MOVE, BONA and some other softer and darker version of FEMINA he will not resist castration. Well, this is not funny but true.

Then another friend told me that given that Akon has been given the license to sing the theme song to our very own FIFA 2010 World Cup, he has heard that some less-fortunate local musos have been complaining that he is a foreigner and they should have been contacted.

That had us thinking; what is the most famous sports song do you know? Mine is the UEFA ‘These are the Champions’ which was played to the bone on Wednesday during the Italian Massacre.
Then the next one has got to be ‘Chariot of Fire’ which gets played everytime at the pinnacle of an athletic event. They are timeless.

Now remember the last time Bafana-Bafana had a song to cheer them on? That very forgetful ‘Bafana-Bafana siya-wena (pronounced venah – as in win). Now can you trust such unskilled bunch of gospel and kwaito musicians to compose something of classical proportions to rival the UEFA and athletics theme songs? No ways.

On a final note can someone please tell me what is the justification of having Khanyi Mbau in any newspaper? I mean for the life of me her only claim to fame is having enticed Mandla to marry her, be stupid enough to have a baby by her, buy her a Lamboghini, rent out a penthouse at Michaelangelo and exhaust his budget.

Why anyone would put her on their ‘to do’ list beats me. Okay, add to that the fact that she’s not the most beautiful thing on Prada.

Okay, that wasn’t funny. It was never meant to be.

2009-05-19T21:12:00.002+02:00

Is A Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

I like to think of myself as an optimist, or rather what they call an eternal optimist. I believe that light comes after darkness, that rain brings sunshine, that pain gives birth to joy and that everything happens for a 'good' reason. I am a man who believes that if you can't find love, love will find you.

So, when I was asked if I'm optimistic about South Afrika I did not have to scratch my head but to simply say 'YES and NO'. This was a day after it was reported that Transport Minister Sbu Mndebele has been given a R1 million plus Mercedes Benz S500, two cows, crockery and cutlery and other freebies as a thank you by businesspeople who have benefitted from a grand government road construction and maintenance scheme meant to benefit black contractors.

This robbed me of my optimism because I asked myself if the honourable minister really had to wait for the DA to tell him that such a gift is wrong and can not be accepted. I asked myself if the minister, in his wisdom didn't see that he can not accept such a gift. I mean the whole exercise has got corruption and conflict of interest written all over it. Then his party went silent and suddenly such was not corruption but what Gwede Mantashe called 'facilitating'. So, I discussed it with one of my friends and I swore to him that 'corruption' will have to be redefined to suit the situation.

But to him I really raised an issue suddenly the whole thing might be sweeped under the carpet because the whistleblower is the DA and you might have people shouting 'Zille must leave Sbu alone and focus on disabling his cabinet'. However the gentleman he is Sbu called a press conference and announced that he was handing back the car.

I felt pessimistic when it was revealed that the Presidency (of JZ) adviced him to keep the car if he wanted it since there was nothing wrong with the gift. I mean from 16000 kilometres away my brother could see something wrong but the Presidency which is occupied by a man who is fresh from a botched corruption case says, 'ride on brother'. It worries me.

Then as if to add insult to injury Sbu goes on to announce that he might buy a car of the same make from the vehicle finance scheme available to him and other government executives. Now talk about bad timing; what will stop the same bunch of businesspeople from converting the car to cash and depositing it into his account? Also, why didn't Sbu just take the car, hand it over to an orphanage to sell and use the money since the businesspeople obviously didn't have anything to do with the gifts? Makes me think. I'm optimistic that JZ and his people in the Presidency will learn the real definition of corruption and fraud.

Makes me see the glass as being half empty and not full.

2009-05-17T21:48:00.002+02:00

The South Afrika I want

This is the main road into my township after a contractor ran away with the money which he shared with local politicians.

I know good white people. I know bad white people. I know good black people. I know bad black people. I know good Coloured people. I know bad Coloured people. I know good Indian people. I know bad Indian people.

However I shall not be caught dead accusing Democratic Alliance leader Helen Zille of being a bad white person. If anything I would classify her as a white person who is so concerned about the ‘wrong’ direction this country is taking which is borne exclusively out of dead policies like the cadre deployment programme.

I look at our country’s new cabinet searching for inspiration but I don’t find none as I see the usual suspects who have failed in portfolios somewhere else. Edna Molewa, Paul Mashatile, Maite Nkoana-Mashabane, Dina Pule, Thabang Makwetla, Lulama Xingwana, Angie Motshega, Phillip Gondongwana etc. All I see are chess pieces moved to strategic points so that they can strike the queen without any hindrance. I see a minister of justice who is put there to appoint a crony Judicial Services Commission that will squash charges against a suspended suspect judge. A minister deployed to constitute the Human Rights Commission with cronies. I see a Minister of Defence appointed to empower so-called war-veterans who are becoming younger every month. I see a minister appointed to deal with women, children and disabled affairs who is put there to appease disabled people at the expense of the taxpayer.

I try to find inspiration somewhere else and I do so in the Western Cape. There I see a cabinet that is not constituted for cosmetic purposes, not to portray a perfect picture. I see a predominantly white/all make cabinet that is not obsessed with political correctness but service delivery.

What South Afrika do I want? A South Afrika whereby people are not judged by the colour of their skin but the content of their character. A South Afrika that values talent to party loyalty. A South Afrika whereby 10.6 million people who voted for the ANC but are not members are not denied opportunities for the mere fact that they are one of the approximately 400 000 or so card-carrying ANC members. An equal opportunity South Afrika. Am I asking too much? Maybe. But I’m an idealist and I often speak my mind. This is food for though – eat it and allow me to do the dishes.

for an extended version of this article go to www.kasiekulture.blogspot.com

2009-05-11T20:23:00.001+02:00

The Best of Both Worlds

Since Umsholozi got his machine gun back on Saturday I have been thinking a lot about the power of exaggeration. No, it was not something borne out of Libyan leader Muammar Gadaffi’s excessive indulgence or Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe’s old Mercedes Benz. It was something sourced from bad use of language. I ended up coming up with phrases like the ones below and trying to understand what they actually mean.

1. “It doesn’t get any better than this” – It means what has just happened is a barometer and that the person who uses this phrase knows it all. First time cannabis smokers experience a high that any other puffing will never fade. So, the first time you puff, remember that it don’t get no better than that.
2. “They don’t make them like they used to” – that’s braggadocio and a veiled threat. You have heard people reading bad press and commenting that they don’t make journalists like they used to, same with soccer players. We say they don’t make soccer players like they used to when they were making Pele, Maradona and Jomo Sono.
3. “World class” – what does it mean? It means a Mercedes Benz, a Gulfstream jet. Simply it means that whatever is on offer is of a class that it’s got no competition or class of its own in the world.
4. “State of the arts” – in ghetto lingo they call it ‘last number’. It’s the latest gadget out there in the markets and there’s nothing after it – more like the interactive flat screen 200 centimeter high definition wireless television.
5. “Third generation” – this is what is not yet on the mass market. Like that Pentium 12 which is used in some military institutions. It’s said to be third generation because it’s ahead of its time.
6. “Internationally acclaimed” – it means having received international recognition and maybe won one or two international awards since awards are the only way to measure reception of anything in the world.
7. “Ontop of the world” – this one comes from the people who have made it a career to climb mountains and plant their country’s flags. They say ‘I’m ontop of the world’ based on beliefs that some peaks are higher than others and some are yardsticks of how high one can fly without wings.
8. “best of both worlds” – this is braggadocio as well since there’s one world and to allege that something is the best of both worlds is actually to say that it appeals both here and in the after-life.
9. ‘greatest of all times” – that is until now. Ray Charles can be the greatest of all time but a time will come when he will be upstaged. Tupac Shakur is still undisputed but one day someone will come and topple him from that high hip hop office.

And you were wondering where I got them? Just listen to any first time rap album and you are likely to get more braggadocios lines in one album than you’ve heard in your whole lifetime.

2009-05-07T21:49:00.001+02:00

Somehow

I have just cast my ballot this cold morrow.
Mbombela civic centre having hosted me.
Civility glued to the civic centre’s personnel.
The queue snaked itself long & winding like the
Domba maidens’ dancers’ unison jigs & turns.

Voters’ intentions very, very naked to the course
Like the domba maidens erect unsullied boobs.
Somehow, the land is not in solitary confinement,
But in solitary oneness with its butterfly coloured fellows.
Felon no more, fetes the advent of democracy.

Somehow, the affirmed Moseses of Freedom or Death,
Victory is Certain – Can not cast their ballots for
Bullets overtook them in casting its vile intentions.
Your illogical & selfish excuses to register not & unable your
Honourable self to vote not, is treason against the democracy imbued flag.

Somehow, be high on life for the blinkers of hatred are easily
Laminated against virtue whilst self satisfaction is open ended.
Somehow, some things occur that are a tad tricky to explain.
Somehow, half baked truths influence one to half baked conclusions.
Somehow, allow yourself to be influenced for tomorrow’s sake: Vote!
Poet: Sello Kekana

2009-05-04T20:52:00.002+02:00

Wow!
If youcan spot this car please email this blog and claim your prize - the same VW with your name on the number plate. Serious!

2009-05-03T21:07:00.004+02:00

The Birth of a Beef

It is going to be the kwaito industry beef of all times and fortunately for the South Afrikan music lover they were there when it was first cooked. In 1996, during some glam awards (MTV or Grammy) in the United States then rap mogul Marion 'Sugar Bear' Knight used his few minutes on stage to urge ‘all rappers who want to make money and to have glitz videos and to not have the CEO dancing on their videos to come and join Death Row Records’. It was a spite on Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs’ Bad Boy Records who was sitting somewhere with his posse. That was the beginning of what came to be known as the East-West Coast beef. Many deaths later Death Row went under and only two men prevailed – Andre Young aka Dr Dre (who left to form Aftermath) and Combs.

And watching the SAMA ceremony on Saturday brought that bitter nostalgia to the fore. First it was cocaine-addicted and convicted kwaito act Briggz who when it was time to receive his award decided to use the opportunity to gloat at his former producer DJ Cleo. “Thanks Bra TK (TK Nciza) for removing me from a bad situation (Cleo or coke?). To Cleo, once again you lose. No bad blood, but I love you dog (Judas and Brutus acts)”.

Literally that’s what he said. I saw Sbu Leope (aka DJ Sbu aka Mzekezeke), who wears sunglasses even at night smiling naughtily. Now fast forward to five minutes later and Cleo (who’s also wearing glasses) mounts the same stage and you could cut the tension with a blunt knife from the moment he took off from his seat. ‘Ubani o-losile?’, first words out of the mouth of a hitmaker scorned. Then he goes on to gloat about having won two awards and soon making a decision stage an after-party in Springs. Actually what he was saying was that Briggz has to wait for someone to decide on his after-party but he (Cleo) can do so at the blink of an eye. Remember what The Game said, ‘I’m Game, CEO of my own shit/ no more this G-Unit bullshit’. Yeah, Cleo does not need to thank anyone because he’s sucking nobody’s dick or taking anybody’s up his ass while skinny Briggz needs to send a shout-out.

I reckon given the number of Jacob Zuma praise albums which were recorded since last December there should have been JZ Praise Song Category on the SAMAs, which would have gone either way given that there were self-confessed ANC people in the audience in the persons of Bonang, Andile, Sbu, Khanyi Mbau and many dodgy characters who jumped into the bandwagon when the chips were already up for UKhongolose.

And finally, Sbu, as DJ Sbu lost badly. His protégé’s didn’t shine except MaBrigado. His alter-ego didn’t shine. He couldn’t host the after-parties he’s known for given that MTN doesn’t give Vodacom sponsored acts the opportunity to paint Sun City navy blue when Yello is the in-thing. The only thing remaining with him, which is what we’ll remember him for is being Jacob Zuma’s sidekick at the Siyangcoba Rally, wanting to be JZ and dating Terry Pheto.

Mobb Deep asked, "Beef/ what/ i overcooked that dish". Let's hope Wheel-of-Steel has got a sizeable pot.

2009-04-28T20:37:00.003+02:00

Don’t Need No Water Let the Muthaf*cka Burn

Recently there’s been quite a big number of young men losing their balls in my neighbourhood that it has become quite a task to update the Lost Balls register which I have been managing since 2000. They are now getting loony by the minute. It has become like a mortuary in Baghdad, they no longer count the heads but the bodies – bloated and limbs missing.

The point behind this post is the number of boys going loony and later messing society up because they get wild and horny. First we thought it was due to illicit drugs – well we thought so even though we have used drugs ourselves and we are still sane enough to spot a mad man from a psychiatrist. So, finally after exhausting marijuana, valium, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, alcohol, mushrooms, mandrax, smack and friends we decided to put the blame on witches. Yeah, the ones celebrated on Harry Porter.

Since we ceased vigilante activity our neighbourhood has become quite a hive of witchcraft activity. There are more witches per square kilometre than shebeens. People at Zone One have gone loony, same as Zone Two and MaGraskop. We are not even going to mention Bafaladi, Dichochwaneng, GaBhani, Thabakgolo, Colombia, Kingston, Madjembeni, Mathule, Mandela Village, RDP, Violetbank, GaRelane, GaBereta, Mphenyatsatsi and Masakeng.

The blame finally falls on the plethora of witches who are roaming our streets and skies at night without any anti-witchcraft spaceship gun attempting to bring them down. They have upgraded from using loaves of bread, which makes it tricky these days since Albany sells them sliced and have resorted to broom sticks, cellphones and pot lids.

Now we were having a chat and some guy said we need to initiate an impromptu witch-hunt at least four times a year. All of us go to Mbuzini in many buses to a mngoma (witchdoctor) who will pick the witches amongst us and we expel them from our environs and incinerate their covens. Some guy said we will not succeed in a court of law because witch-hunting is a crime.

I reasoned that we will argue that the aim of the witch-hunting is not to assassinate people’s characters but what we will be doing is basically – in computer language a virus scan. We are only running the scan to target Drive C (community) and scan for viruses (witches), Trojans (tokoloshes), worms (evil spirits) and other bugs (covens).

After our Mbuzini virus scan the mngoma will ask us what to do with the people who have been identified as lethal to society. The mngoma will give us options – DELETE (REMOVE AND INCINERATE A COVEN), QUARANTINE (CHASE FROM THE VILLAGE) and IGNORE (ACT LIKE THE POPE).

In our case we shall choose DELETE, and chase the motherf*ckers out of our hood. And we might burn the house and yell in the tradition of American protest “don’t want no water let the muthafucka burn”

2009-04-24T20:32:00.006+02:00

All Hail The King

As you can see on our poll on the side bar most visitors of this blog have prophecied that the Afrikan National Congress will emerge as the winner in last week's elections. It was foregone the minute food parcels, old age pension and social grants entered the fray as electioneering fodder.

Quite frankly that was bad politicking. I obvioulsy wouldn't have loved it if some cocky campaigner came to my hypertensioned granny and told her that she would lose her pension if she didn't vote ANC because my granny has been getting pension even when the Boers were the bosses. So, before they were kicked out of power they came to my granny and told her that if she doesn't keep them in power they will take away the pension. 15-years later she's still here and they are in Orania. So, these stupid sods who intimidate our grannies with threats of lost pensions must think twice - someday my granny will still be here and they will be dead.

Okay, the reason behind this post is to congratulate Uncle Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma as he prepares to ascend the hottest seat in South Afrikan politiks. It will be a seat hotter than Deborah Patta's one on 3rd Degree because he's going in almost alone. Some of those usual suspects who have every intention of uprooting the double header are remaining outside - you can count them, Tokyo Sexwale and Matthews Phosa. Come to think of Tokyo (the capital of Japan), who for a reason known to him and Mugabe does not want to use his other angelic name of Gabriel; he ran for president of the ANC against Thabo Mbeki and JZ and he now wants all of us to be convinced that he does not harbour presidential ambitions? Nigga please!

However from May 9th Uncle JZ will be the man in the West Wing, which made me feel pity for Uncle Kgalema when he was voting because not only was he voting the Double Head into office he was also voting himself out. And now the Nkandla Mafia (borrowed from Mail&Guardian) is coming. The machine gun is now fully in JZ's hands. And Aunt Helen (Zille) has retreated to her small Volkstaat called Wes Kaap where she will comfortably pee outside (oops, she's a woman she can't pee outside like some of us with Willies). Sorry Aunt.

May 9, is the day to diarise as all the supporters, including the Sopranos, Msholozi's own Biker Boys will be ushering him into Die Unie Gebou. And who said dreams can't come true? All Hail the King from Enkandla! Halala Msholozi Halala! Now let's deliver services and cut the bullshit.

2009-04-20T21:14:00.004+02:00

National Scar Day? You must be Kidding

Some people just don't know how to f*ck and shut the f*ck up. They will be howling about it for the next six months, especially if the guy they screwed happens to appear frequently on television or in the newspapers. I will qualify my use of such crude language by telling you a very short interesting story (not a f*cking story).

Once upon a time in Mpumalanga was a girl that I liked. She was petite with that innocense that is dangerous when you are dealing with politicians. I use politicians because if someone can seduce 100 000 people, who the fuck do you think you are when left one-on-one with him in a room. He'll strip the kanga off your curvesous butt in a second and later plead culture.

So this girl that I liked happened to land a cushy job with a mayor - for real. She became his PA, which in some circles is defined as a sperm dish. So, if the mayor was going to China or Tibet she would be the chick arranging his meetings and stressing him and the driver of the cavalcade to rush to the next meeting. The thing about this girl was that she was not really as smart as some of the PAs I know. She was the type that would be charmed by a Butt Simpson tie on a Jeep shirt.

To cut a long story short - suspisions that the mayor was screwing started making rounds. You know when ghetto people want charges to stick on you they'll even use superglue on Teflon. So, this girl never really got to face a Truth Commission but she sold off the story in a conversation we had the other day. We were watching television in the corridor of some glitzy hotel waiting to be allocated our rooms. The show was from Reality TV and about scars. There was this sod who had scars all over he should have been nicknamed Scarbody, since calling him Scarface would have meant demeaning his trophies.

Then the PA chick just goes, 'you know, my boss also has so many scars on his lower back and belly which he says were inflicted when some assassins attempted to kill him five years ago. They are bloody scary'. You should have seen us suspisious beings exchanging glances and asking her what the occassion was? 'Uh-uh'. So we tried to help her out, 'Was it on National Scar Day whereby everybody shows somebody their scars?'. She looked at us with gross stupidity written all over her face.

It could have beena scoop for Riot Hlatswayo and Daily Sun but for us - well, we always knew the guy spend his cold nights stuck between those thighs, we just didn't know his body was an artwork - hahahaha.

2009-04-15T20:50:00.001+02:00

Fare Thee Well, ex-Comrade Bob

One of the people I love to hate is Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe. I hate him because his stubbornness has displaced millions of people. When a bird builds a nest it does so with the purpose of living in it, raising its offspring and one day dismantling it as it exodes for greener pastures. No bird ever builds a nest with the belief that some bigger bird will come and mess it up, let alone a human being coming to cut down the tree at which the nest is situated.

So, the reason why I dislike ex-Comrade Bob is that he caused the meltdown that has engulfed Zim for the past fourteen years. He has done so because he is power hungry. He needs all the power he can master to shrug off an investigation into the Gukurahundzvi of the 1980s whereby tens of thousands of isiNdebele speaking Zimbabweans were massacared for political expediency. Of course beloved Britain went on to confer a doctorate on Bob after that, showing that they don't give two farts about the lives of darkies.

But then I have also been wondering that; without the massacres that took place would the situation have been different? Like, would Mugabe have found it easy to hand over the reigns of power to someone more pragmatic? I hear from my intelligence sources that there's a dossier thicker than the one the NPA had on Jacob Zuma profiling the atrocities of the Mugabe regime and pinpointing the perpetrators in the Zim Central Intelligence Organisation, Zim Army, Police, Paramilitary and other security apparatus.

They say it's somewhere in Harare, waiting for the day the Mugabe jet flies out of Zim and never to return and then mass arrests will start. Of course the army generals will threaten a coup forgetting that it's the corporals who have to fight. The corporals, according to information I have, have lost appetite for violence. So, if Charles Taylor was never handed over to the ICJ by Nigeria two years ago, Uncle Bob would have retreated to Morningside (Sandton) and found asylum in the comfort of other dictators hiding in this leafy part of town.

Thus, before I tell you more politics than cornflakes here's a funny thought I had as I put on extra jerseys to combat the cold. What would happen if seasons were as stubborn as Mugabe? If when it's time for Summer to come Spring just decides to hang on a little bit longer and the rains pour down throught out the festive season? Wouldn't we complain? I guess we will. So, for my beloved-hated Uncle Robert, why can't he just act like Winter when Spring comes; just fade and allow others to show they can do better - maybe the same goes for the ANC - maybe not, hahaha!

PANDEMONIUM

2009-04-12T18:02:00.007+02:00

Lora Croft and Xena

The truth is we are in the most interesting state of politics ever. 1994 election, history was made and no South African can forget that but this, this is the climax of politics. It depend how you take it, it’s either you laugh out loud or become sad about the state of our politics. For example, we’ve got a presidential candidate who trots under heavy cloud of corruption allegation, befriending convicted fraudsters, parties that have just been formed out of anger rather than principles, no less than six months claiming not only to win the election but to run the country successfully, with no reputation, history or strong leadership. Very comical, I mean, Christian parties claiming to run a country of so much cultural diversity and strong tradition in the name of Jesus; with minority white parties who reek of racism and failed dismally from the past election since 1994 but still think they can acquire some parliament seats, God forbid. We’ve got bishops running campaigns, political leaders seeking attention or spiritual intervention from churches; parties that lost their mission, vision and mandates but they still want to hold on in the name of struggle and history, how pathetic.

On that note I want to take off my hat for the ladies of politics on the fore front, Patricia De Lille of Independent Democrats and Helen Zille of Democratic Alliance. After I saw their fury on the nullification of Mr. Zuma’s charges and Mr. Shaik’s parole, I respected their involvement respectively. In an orgasmic confusion of political stature we are in these ladies in particular are up there stirring up the cauldron. They come like women super heroes, Lara Croft and Xena, in a male dominated industry, turning heads with their sense of style and fashion; making headlines by swimming with the sharks in terms of exposing and facing corruption leaders. Whether they are right or wrong it matters not the fact is, these ladies are braver than most of their male counterparts. I caught a glimpse of the two ladies on SABC prime time news, one in a blue classy made suit and the other in red, ganging up against the decision was made by the NPA. I smiled in solo when I watched them, thinking, it’s a pity they’ve got different political policies and views they can make a great team. How many of us remember that Mrs. Zille as an apartheid activist working for the Rand Daily Mail, she exposed the truth behind the death of Steve Biko and as for Patricia she was and still is in the investigation of the controversial arms deal that saw Mr. Yengeni charged and convicted. Don’t you just love it that inside this pandemonium of, Julius Malema, Zwezima Vavi, Leonard McCarthy, Bulelani Ngcuka, Jackie Selebi, Jecob Zuma, Bantu Holomisa, Shilowa and Lekota we have these two lovely, although controversial, ladies that brace politics with grace, dignity and confidence. We need more like them in Mzansi.

Lehlogonolo

The Man of The Easter Moment

2009-04-09T11:35:00.002+02:00

What does Jesus, Tupac and Emenem have in common?

They have all said the word BITCH. Yes, even Christ himself said it. One day a woman, in the book of Matthew 15:26 (American Standard Version), went to him, asking for him to heal her daughter.

21 And Jesus went out thence, and withdrew into the parts of Tyre and Sidon.

22 And behold, a Canaanitish woman came out from those borders, and cried, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a demon.

23 But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.

24 But he answered and said, I was not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

25 But she came and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.

26 And he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs.

27 But she said, Yea, Lord: for even the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.

28 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it done unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was healed from that hour.

Yeah, folk, Jesus was referring to the woman and her sick daughter as dogs. Now, if I should qualify my English A symbol, I remember being taught in primary that a female dog is actually called a bitch. So, in proper English, Jesus was saying “It is not meet to take the children's bread and cast it to the bitches. But she said, Yea, Lord: for even the bitches eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.”

So, yeah, that's your lesson for this Easter, or am I wrong teacher?

2009-04-07T21:53:00.004+02:00

Check Mate - JZ vs Mbeki - Round One

Everybody has been on JZ’s case since he caught his but I think I should actually come to the defence of uGedleyihlekisa’s demeanor. See, I met Umsholozi once and his nemesis Thabo Mbeki twice.

The first time I met Mbeki was in 1999 and he was in a good mood until some people booed then Limpopo premier Ngoako Ramatlhodi and agitated Mbeki. He drifted from protocol, grabbed the mike from Collins Chabane and went on to address us in isiXhosa -exclusively. He was very angry and shaken (not stirred) and not yet a president but deputizing Nelson Mandela. JZ was still in KZN borrowing money from Shabir Shaik.

Then I met JZ in 2006 prior to Polokwane when he was no longer president of the country but a Trojan Horse of the ANC. He exuded warmth even though he never afforded us an interview, just like his nemesis. He came with a huge entourage of bodyguards and yes-men. He however sang his customary song which this blog is named after.

Then I met Mbeki again two years ago before Polokwane. It was two months before the policy conference and he was stressed, even looking older than 62. He exuded warmth but also didn’t want to speak to the media.

These were two men who played their cards close to their chests since they knew what is it they were going to be asked. The stakes were high. These were two men fighting a war through phone tapping and sending skanks to drop it (kanga) like it’s hot and later assassinate each’s characters. These were two men answering to no one but their own dark demons, one allegedly using the NPA to fight his proxy war while the other used the NIA. These were two men playing a mental chess game that only them understood, a game that ended with a check-mate on April 6.

However the Msholozi who spoke to journalists at a Durban hotel after the charges were finally withdrawn was different from the charismatic Msholozi I met three years ago at the same venue that I met Mbeki. It was a rather relaxed, however cocky JZ. He had this don’t-give-a-damn attitude about him. He was no longer the ‘truly’ smiling warm Zuma who can charm an HIV positive woman out of a kanga. It saw a JZ driven by covert revenge and all-out retribution, a JZ who was playing his cards very close to his chest.

Zulu king Shaka adviced his amabutho ‘never to leave an enemy behind’ and ‘the child of a snake is a snake’. I doubt if JZ was sincere or just selling us a dummy – which we didn’t buy.

Say What........

2009-04-07T12:31:00.002+02:00

Kanti vele this your boi JZ is getting away with it huh??

The DA leader was spitting fire this morning on Morning Live.......

Democrats Emeritus

2009-04-07T09:56:00.003+02:00

Guys I've done did it. Yesterday I wrote a 2500-word short story about the events surrounding African National Congress (ANC) president Jacob Zuma since 2002. It's a crazy short story about a place called Rainbow Republic. There's a character named Constitution, who serves as a supporting actor in the belly of revolution. It's about two democrats, comrade bred by the same revolution – a revolution to stay on board of the speeding gravy train.

The story came as an idea I thought should be sold to one of the starving novelists in our country, but something struck me. I don't have to wait for nobody. I had to write it on a 2 and a half hour trip home. By the time I got home, there was the story.

I have deliberately left out many descriptive details for the sake of failing avoiding having to live up to the Jeffery Archer stature in fictitious literature. However, believe you me the storyline will blow your mind.

Democrats Emeritus

(In the belly of revolution, a short story by Tshwarelo eseng Mogakane)

Soon to hit your blog!

2009-04-07T09:13:00.004+02:00

Are you Hustling or Unemployed?

Recently I have observed a very worrying trend amongst Black youth. They go to school, drop out or pass, come back and register a Close Corporation, fill supplier database forms and then buy newspapers everyday searching for small-time jobs that they can do for government departments. Then a year goes by and they ain’t getting no jobs. The following year it’s the same routine. When SARS sends them Tax Return forms they just cancel and send back because they are not making money. They always complain about corruption in the issuing of tenders as if incase they were in the shoes of those Supply Chain bureaucrats they would be giving tenders for free.

Tupac Shakur once asked, ‘what’s the sense of working hard if I ain’t never getting paid/ i'm hustling?’ There was a time that this line used to speak to me in a personal sense and I felt Tupac was playing the man and not the ball.

Then the youth under review when asked what are they busy with always respond, ‘I’m a hustler’ or better to use a verb, ‘I’m hustling’. They then reckon you won’t ask questions further because it’s sometimes embarrassing to probe the size of another man’s penis, especially when it’s too minute. I have decided that from now on I’m going to ask, ‘what is the nature of your hustle? How long have you been hustling?’

This is because many young people lie to themselves and their parents that they are hustling while they are not doing shit but wake up in the morning and behave busy when they are busy waiting for a repeat of Generations and Isidingo on SABC1 and for mommy dearest to go to work so they can sneak in their high school girlfriend for a quick bonk during the break. Occasionally they put their CK1s in a brown envelope, extort taxi fare from their moms and go to town to hang and come back later to justify why they should be given dinner.

Young people need to ask themselves if their situation dictates that they are unemployed or hustling because as everybody knows unemployment is a big factor today if one is unemployed they should stand up and be counted. They need to help government when it audits unemployed youth. The figure of unemployed youth currently stands at 73% but everyday I see unemployed youth masquerading behind hustling while they spend hours gulping the poison at 606 Tavern and Valencia Pub.

Hustling actually means your hustle has a name and it has a potential to make you. I have seen young men with demo tapes and books full of lyrics running the streets under the pretence of pushing the hustle. For the life of me I’m tempted to say, ‘get a JOB mchana and stop effing around’. That smile that you bring to your Mama’s face at hearing you swear at the world will disappear once you turn 30 and start betting horses. She tolerates your Lotto betting tendencies because she thinks it’s a game.

I think it’s crucial that youth should understand that not all of them will be gifted with the hustler spirit, which is like a demon (idlozi), either you have it or you don’t and you won’t get it because you want it. Either you are a hustler or you are not - period.

Before you start accusing me of behaving like some authority, which I am ask yourself these questions;
1. Are you over 25 while you have never held a paycheque in my hands?
2. Do you actually have a businessplan with the financials done on Excel?
3. What would you do if someone gave you a million today?
4. At what age do you plan to retire?
5. Do you have skills and References? Are you employable? If you wanted to work for someone now would they take you like a bullet?

If your answer to question one was YES, please go and train to be a security guard.
If your answer to question two was NO, then join the ANC and get a municipal job.
If your response has got something to do with buying a German sedan do yourself a favour and play the Lotto religiously.
If your answer was somewhere under 40 then you are on the right track – hustle on.
If you answer is dodgy, then get a check the Classifieds.

I know people will shout that soprano Sibongile Khumalo started singing seriously when she was 32, but remember she was working all along. Some will say the Manhattans cracked it when they were already aging. True, they were holding down JOBS between rehearsals. The Dogg Pound’s Dat Nigga Daz once rapped, ‘I’m trying to get PAID and get a JOB/ mom wants a nigga out the house/ and I ain’t getting no younger/ I’m only getting older/ I’m only thinking about what my mother told me/ now I’m a Dogg Pound gangsta for life/ matter of fact is I can get paid twice/ down the strip I pull a heist/ jack, i'm robbing muthafuckas that's real”

So, young man ask yourself this question and be frank with yourself because it’s only with yourself that you need to be frank, are you unemployed or hustling? Otherwise go out and work, since you’ll be thirty with your CC still as broke as your black ass.

A reply from Chris Brown

2009-04-06T08:20:00.002+02:00

Thanx 4 being my b-i-tch

Thanx 4 being my b-i-tch
Self-marked with vows of unconditional allegiance
From our meeting 2 tha mortal parting
As our love at 1st sight suddenly dissolves into your last breath
Your weak heart screaming in holy silence
You, my one and only punching bag
Thanx a million fists

Thanx 4 being my b-i-tch
Without you my snake-leather shoe would only have air 2 kick
My foul mouth would have no face to spit at
Plastering your bio-oil moisturised skin with h-i-v + saliva
Redecorating your features with carefully/carelessly-laced bruises
My one and only punching bag
Thanx a million fists

Thanx 4 being my punked-up sacrificial b-i-tch
4 letting me break your firm limbs from your exquisite body
Welcoming my unjustified insults in your gracious ears
Contorting your spirit into a frog’s
Smudging the walls of respect with your blood
My one and only punching bag
Thanx a million fists

Thanx 4 being my self-less b-i-tch
4 tha late night kisses and make-up felatio
Without your considerate care my tantrums would go wasted
My manhood disqualified
And my daily apologies unaccepted
Dankie 4 your neck
Had I strangled another I’d be up 4 attempted murder
Facing fifteen 4 rape
Dankie 4 letting me waste your time with false promises
You are stuck with me, 4 if you go; bathobatlareng?
You, my one and only sexy opponent
Dankie 4 tha million faked orgasms

Dankie, 4 being my b-i-tch, etcetera, etcetera
4 I shall be your guide dog until you find your grave
-4kof Satan

The Chris Brown Fight club (Domestic Violence)

2009-04-06T00:16:00.005+02:00

There was time were every teenage girl wanted to be in Rihanna’s shoes; young, talented, beautiful, wealthy, a killer anorexic body and R&B Chris for a boyfriend, who wont be envious. The buttons were pushed and every thing took a wrong turn, I wonder if she stills every girl’s dream. Well, like they say, ‘there’s a devil in every one of us’ I guess it was about time the devil manifested in the innocent singing sensational Chris’s behavior. He literally did what Mike did to Robin Givens, what my uncle did to my aunt, what my brother-in-law did to my sister but for him the world had to speak. Violence is disgusting, but against women its triple disgusting, its devilish, immoral, absurd, senseless to put bluntly its fucked up, bullshit. I’m on the verge of crying here, my aunt spent three months in hospital with a broken rib because my stupid uncle decided to defuse his testosterone steam on her. The dude married her for Christ’ sake, he confessed in front of hundreds, in front of God that he will love and protect her. How did we come here, why did we start the fight club…should we open more wrestling federation competition for men like Chris, my uncle and your next door neighbor?

According to POWA (people opposing woman abuse), between 19.6% and 28. 4% of women in Mzansi get physically abused by their spouse’s everyday. That’s ridiculous. Because of these, the government has implemented a program called 16 days of activism campaign against women abuse, for dicks like us to keep it in our conscious. Do we really need special campaigns to remind us that women are beautiful and special? Yes, just like us there are not perfect, no one is but whose decision is it to perfect the imperfect? I get pissed every time I hear stories such as Chris and Rihanna’s but when it happens close to home, its a shit different story. Men beats women, we see them everyday, we hear such stories and as individuals ‘ons doen niks’ about them, just like Pac said about Aids ‘we ignorant to it, until it happens to you’. Do we have to wait until that happens, until my aunt, my sister, your cousin, your teacher is buried? Just like hundreds of women out there my sister forgave her husband, Rihanna forgave Chris I guess we can justify violence. I mean forgiveness is biblical, religious… I’d love to see the day Iraq would forgive the Bushes.

I wrote this piece with anger and anguish, after I had an interesting discussion with my intelligent younger brother prior to our aunt being hospitalized, he said in his word “maybe it is in every man’s ability to come to a point where you want to strike or punch your partner” I didn’t understand what he said and I still don’t, and I now doubt his intelligence but if that time comes cant you go outside smoke a blunt, run a kilometer, find a punching bag, write a rhyme or scream to the atmosphere, go bungee jumping, fly a kite do something… I’m angry at myself.

Lehlogonolo

2009-04-05T17:13:00.002+02:00

Blue Blood in my Veins

There are things that crack me up because they are funny. There are those that jest me simply because they are rendered by clue-less folks. This weekend City Press Pulse indulged my funny side. The kinky photogenic one with David Genaro (Jamie Bartlett) and his two naked mistresses Lucilla (KB Motsilanyane) and Diphuka (Tshepi Mashego) on the cover.

Tshepi gives us a little background, ‘I come from a very small conservative family and I’m the black sheep in the family because I decided to go perform on stage…’, let’s pause right there. I empathise with her because really the Mashego folks don’t understand that there’s life outside of working for the public service as clerks, teachers and nurses.

But then journalist Thato Mokhou, either by default or sub-editing omissions whereby close quotes go missing writes ‘SHE BELONGS TO A ROYAL FAMILY IN MPUMALANGA’. Oh Senhor Mokhou pause right there, we need to do research before we qualify some royal claims.

Collectively we Mapulana top echelon are called Bana Ba Tau Sehlano (Five Children of the Lion). It’s Mashego, Malele, Chilwane, Mogane and Mashile. So for anyone to claim that Tshepi is of royal blood is to insinuate that she’s either a niece my nephew or cousin, a claim that must be verified through DNA testing given that all Mashego’s inherit kingdoms when the head of the clan dies. And which I doubt the results will come back positive for someone born in Pitoli.

Otherwise it will insinuate that all the Mashegos you know, in entertainment (Peter Mashigo), politics, media (Mojalefa Mashego) sports (Katlego Mashego), civil society, and the public service are all royalty. Hahahaha, I ain’t never seen blue blood in my veins – and I’m the barometre.

2009-04-02T20:32:00.004+02:00

Y Magazine Is Dead - The Death Certificate

PS*

I have received inspiring feedback on this piece from Kojo Baffoe (now editor of Blaque magazine) and Anonymous which helped me shape it (the original Y Mag is Dead - An Eulogy and Obituary feature) further. It's always welcome when as writers and commentators we see the need to feed off each other and highlight some discrepancies with any picture that might be projected to the public. I once again should emphasize that this is not an attack on any person but a tongue in cheek eulogy of YMag. I'm indeed saddened by its impending demise and before anyone accuses me of aspiring to open my own mag, please a blog is doing it for now because it never gets stuck on the shelves. Like Anonymous said, I would have loved to have a mag but I don't have the resources to do it, that's why I'm publishing 'a free blog' because blogs are free everywhere. However I used to have a website that I was paying for, which I abandoned due to lack of immediacy and my IT disabilities (I can't programme). And it's not about lack of money but information, since we don't have to bring into a review issues of money. There's an organisation called MDDA (Media Development and Diversity Agency), which does not fund creation of blogs but mags. I do empathise with the reasons communicated to me for the demise of such a beautiful brand.
And to Bra Kojo, thanks for the feedback. Let's remember that the first thing Paul Wolfowitz did when he got to the World Bank was to transfer his girlfriend to the State Department, to put to rest any suspisions of nepotism in the future. Maybe our editor friends should do the same to protect the reputations of his writer friends. I love Kojo's writings and this is not meant as an attack on his personality. The same way I love Napo's acting and writing.
One luv comrades. Let's grow together.

This is an except taken from a post I wrote a few years ago which ruffled too many feathers. Go read for yourself on Kasiekulture and read the actual obituary on the same Kasiekulture blog.

2009-04-02T00:21:00.005+02:00

The Secret Msholozi Tapes

I don't know if I'm the only one who actually thinks that African National Congress President Jacob Zuma is calling a bluff when he claims to have tapes that implicate former Directorate of Special Operations (Scorpions) boss Leonard McCarthy and former president Thabo Mbeki in a political conspiracy to put him in prison and throw away the key.

Worse still, that he has evidence that suggests that even Mbeki took a huge bite on the Arms Deal procurement kickbacks. I happen to think that Umsholozi, our beloved president-in-waiting wants the National Prosecutions Authority to say, "wait a minute, we can't prosecute Mbeki and end up exposing our country's security arrangement to the outside world. We can't risk having sensitive information making its way into court and being on the public domain, so let's let Msholozi go".

Now you see, Zuma is actually calling a bluff. He doesn't have a fucking tape. Even if he has one or two the people on them are voice artists who are pretending to be Mbeki and McCarthy and not the real characters. That's why he introduced them as part of his presentations and not evidence which would be subject to testing by experts. Maybe I'm the one who's bluffing, but

I've been friends of the intelligence community long enough to know that the best Zuma could do is to contest the charges put infront of him, instead o trying to blackmail prosecutors with non-existent evidence of collussion since everybody who has read Andrew Fenstein's book After the Party will tell you that the ANC's 1999 election campaigns were bankrolled on arms deal dosh. Which says the whole ANC, including the folks who left to form COPE are all tainted by that blood money

FOR THE FULL STORY AND ANALYSIS GO TO http://www.kasiekulture.blogspot.com/

2009-03-30T21:59:00.002+02:00

‘Free Tibet’ – Dalai Lama Remix

They say we are the only people in the world who compose and sing songs when we are angry. For God’s sake we cry in music. We don’t do one liners like the Americans but real songs with harmonious verses and chorus.

We are the only dudes who compose the whole album of protest songs and sing them over braai or when we are sloshed. No wonder the South African Music Awards adjudication committee is contemplating introducing a Best Zuma Praise Song category this year.

It got me wondering; imagine if Mahatma Ghandi also composed and sang protest songs during his torturous dry fasting. Today there’ll be a whole catalogue of Bollywood musicals scored by him and Anant Singh would be stressing us about all copyright issues as if it was granted such should be held by an Indian.

But my thoughts are actually on the Dalai Lama, that peaceful old man who’s always bending backward to accommodate China’s aggression. I reckon given the hype around him remixes of his protest songs would be on many current house albums.

There would be a Dalai Lama Remix on the SAMAs as well with DJ Sbu having done a ‘Remember when it Rains’ thing on it. For all I know if the old man had released an album every year like many kwaito stars he should be on his 50th album by now titled Half-A-Century. Wycleff Jean would have sampled the first single ‘Tibet Tibet, how I miss the Himalayas’. Just imagine that, it will be very banned in China.

2009-03-28T20:32:00.003+02:00

Eighteen Questions

Why is a silent fart more smelly than a loud one?
Why do rich people find drugs very alluring?
Why do poor people prioritise a bonk?
Why did South Afrika deny the Dalai Lama a visa?
Why don’t gold diggers ever invest their spoils?
Why did Mike Stofile return to SARFU after saying ‘there’s no place for blacks’ there?
Why does Thabo Mbeki always respond through a spokesperson?
Why do kwaito musicians mostly die of AIDS?
Why are Coloureds most prone to violence?
Why are more housebreakings committed in Spring and Summer than Winter?
Why are gay men more extroverted and exhibitionist?
Why are Somali pirates more effective than eight military navies?
Why is Nelson Mandela still able to read without ‘glasses?
Why is there a Democratic Alliance when it’s actually only one party?
Why is BEE structured like a pyramid scheme?
Why is Jacob Zuma so confident for someone with a flawed profile?
Why do Lesotho and Swaziland spend money on armies when they are surrounded by a giant?
Why did the US refuse to sign the Landmines Non-Proliferation Treaty?

2009-03-25T23:42:00.005+02:00

If you live in Glass Houses…

Yesterday I had the (mis) fortune of meeting, after many months since he left me standing at an impoptru press conference immediately after his release, convicted lion-feeder Mark Scott-Crossley. I must admit this time he was less-stressed and looked well-groomed in his shirt and denim shorts, we sat in the base of a Correctional Services bakkies and actually chatted like old buddies. I told him he looked good and he thanked me from the bottom of his (white???) heart.

I started believing Dr Chris Barnad had been reincarnated for this one transplant since it didn’t feel like the heart that threw a man into a lion’s enclosure or the one I met fresh out of jail at the correctional facility. He was… (go read Kasiekulture)

Apparently Mark was in Bushbuckridge to do his community service by taking part in the cleaning of a primary school together with tens of other former inmates. The kids at the school loved his presence. The man’s self esteem is surprising, when other parolees had difficulty expressing themselves during the induction and vote of thanks he volunteered to speak on their behalf. I won’t tell you what he said here because I still have to write it for a newspaper but he was pretty humble. (oops, go check what he said on Kasiekulture)

I spent a good four hours with him, chatted, interviewed, took his pictures and even brokered a truce between him and Sowetan’s controversial writer Riot Hlatswayo. You see when you are a journalist who has made a habit of lying you end up running away from your sources as Riot was doing on the day until Mark spotted him and offered him a truce in exchange for two litres of coke since it was bloody hot.

Hours later they were shaking hands and me, you know, I was there to capture the biggest sell-out moment of the 21st century. However Riot should stop thumbsucking since he was making life akward for the lion feeding son-of-a-bitch. But take it from me, the man is reformed.

More on Mark Scott Crossley on Kasiekulture.

A POEM FROM THE NUT

2009-03-25T13:05:00.001+02:00

If sperms could talk

(A poem for the mortal in you)

If sperms could talk,

I would be the first to say,

Don't bring me into the world if you plan to rape me

If sperms could talk,

I would be the first to say,

Don't fertilise that egg if you plan to starve or abort me

If sperms could talk,

I would be the first to request,

You use a condom than brith me with HIV infect me

If sperms could talk,

I would be the first to request,

You masturbate than in a shitty anus ejaculate me

Sperms do talk,

So let me be their living microphone,

Spark the truth home before I return in fleshy bone

Sperms do talk,

So let my existence be the sound speakers blasting,

Wake the whole neighbourhood in the middle of a fasting

For sperms don't talk

No wonder they are killed before their expiry date

And told no sinful sperm shall enter the pearly gate

For sperms don't talk,

Let the blood of Christ give them mouth or Word

“For as some of your poets have said, We are the sperm of God”

2009-03-22T20:13:00.003+02:00

Elections 2009, and the Winner is…

I gather information from my well-placed sources at the Enkandla homestead (home of president-in-waiting Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma) in Kwazulu-Natal that a low-key local election has already taken place in the Zuma household. While the nation is busy preparing to cast their vote on April 22 the Zuma family had to elect who was going to be the country’s First Lady after the elections. All five wives were given an equal opportunity.

My sources disclose to me that there was rigorous campaigning (obviously unfunded) by all the five wives of Umsholozi who wanted the benefits of living in Mahlambandlovu (Presidential palace) and free flights in Ingwazi (presidential jet). Well, I am not in the know-how as to how campaigning was carried out (house to house or buying of votes with free uphuthu – sour milk and porridge) but I understand that each wife had to put a case to Msholozi’s 20 something children on why she had to stand beside their father when he takes the vow of office on May 9 at Die Unie Gebou.

Well, while I’m privy to who was voted to become our first lady I will leave such information to the powers that be at Enkandla or Luthuli House to announce who it shall be since quite frankly, South Afrikans are justified to want their First Lady. As communicated earlier such elections have already taken place under the watchful eye of election consultants Shaik & Shaik Electoral Consultants and the results have been audited by independent auditors, Shaik & Shaik Inc who understand numbers better than all of us.

POLITRIX, CHURCH CANT FIX!

2009-03-22T20:09:00.000+02:00

Politics r a joke. Church is a joke. Notice the similarity? De has been a sudden uproar of complaints in the previous week bout JZ (msholozi) visiting the Rhema church. I go to church nobody complains, (I’m dragged 2 church by my Mom) so I wud not mind da complaints. That wud force my Mom 2 leave me @ home. An uproar, I mean it was in da papers, TV, radio, my 11yr old nephew probably heard bout it – part of his growth I guess. Zuma’s image has been tarnished by his shenanigans; I don’t know wat or wat not he did. All I know is dat part of da masses don’t like da Nigga.
He decides to go to Rhema; n part of the congregation decides to leave. These people hav got a degree of dislike 4 Zuma, despite their statements of sayin dat they wud have done the same had it been another politician. Who blames them, our society has taught us to easily judge, accuse, dislike people who do not carry the same ethos as u. These guys r a bunch of hypocrite, like the politicians r hypocrite, like ur pastor is a hypocrite, like I am a hypocrite. We all needs to check ourselves.
Zuma’s visit is money motivated; McCauley’s acceptance is money motivated. Beg to differ.
Take David Kuresh for instance, he was a preacher turned sect owner, turned murderer. David neva did it 4 the money, but the power he had over a few individuals must hav been too good to the let go. He inculcated his thoughts into his followers, to the point where they where at his service. He was a sick man. Zuma has worshipers, they might even kill 4 him if need b. Kuresh’s people killed 4 him. Ray McCauley also has followers, they overlook certain parts of the Bible to hav him take their money. The bible states that we should not work on the Sabbath,(Christians hav made Sunday their Sabbath) tell me dat when 1 preaches on a Sunday n dat preaching is his means of income we shud not call it work. The difference is dat it is half a day. He’s workin ain’t he? He prepares the sermon, elders hav their chores of the day before the Minister stands on the pulpit n Hustles (check the definition of Hustle in the dictionary). Adolf Hitler was said to be a Christian, in Nazi Germany the population where behind Hitler. I reckon there was a church he wud attend every Sunday.
Hitler - Christian, Politician, Murderer who was loved by his people. McCauley – Minister, Church Mogul, Hustler whom people luv. Zuma – Politician, Leader, Gay basher n his ppl luv him.
Am I seeing this things or this things r seeing me.
What was dat which Zuma said bout gay ppl in Kwazulu Natal, a few months back, lest we forget?
McCauley’s church is a black church with a white pastor. It wud b fair to say some of his members r pro ANC, wat better way to keep ppl smiling but by stickin with their political party. Now image the amount of ppl thinking Ray McCauley is the Shit, The Man, a man who stands next to Zuma. More cash flows into the church. Black ppl hav a tendency of givin their money 2 white ppl, but now its not just any white person, a respected Preacher. A man of God. Shit man! The same ppl who enslaved us r the same ppl who brought us the God forbidden Bible to sympathize on. Pastors in other churches hav seen this Power dat the Bible carries, n they use it in our communities. How many churches do u know which has poor ppl n a rich pastor. The siphon our hard earned money from us. I do pay for things dat I need, but I cannot pay someone to tell me dat its okay to b poor cause they inherit the Kingdom of God while he is getting stankin rich. Wait a minute! He does not want 2 inherit the Kingdom of heaven?

Zuma has realized dat some middle class black ppl hav left the ANC n ppl tend to classify Rhema wit class, if he could get some of them to just c him at Rhema it wud b good for his campaign. They probably knew dat some individuals might leave the church, but unlike the good shepherd, wat is one lamb, compared to the 99. Zuma will b president probably, he won’t fuck up da country. But he will have the power. Let’s give him the power as we shall, learn from him n make it right if he makes wrong.
Perhaps im crazy, perhaps im a lunatic, perhaps Zuma went 2 church to get some prayer as they say dat is what he went 4. Perhaps McCauley is acting Christ like by allowin him into the church 4 the salvation of the country. Tym will tell let us live this Hell.

Khutso

2009-03-20T21:00:00.002+02:00

22 Questions; Have You Ever Wondered?

Fresh out of weekend I have some few revelations for all ye ya. I have often wondered why some people really stress about letting go of anything, love, material and obsession for The Cosby Show, so today I am posing questions and sharing with you my wisdom on timeframes;

1. How long should it take you to sleep with a new partner? Two dates
2. How many times should you call before you see the dim light? Five times and six SMSs
3. How many terms will the ANC be given to rule this country? Four
4. How many times should you try your internet connection before you call technical support? Six times
5. How many sex rounds should a healthy man be able to pull without effort? Five
6. How long should one round last? Between four and forty-four minutes
7. How many sleeping pills qualify for an overdose? Eleven
8. How many 340ml beer pints should an average person drink before they become tipsy? Four
9. How many wives does Jacob Zuma need? One
10. How long should it take you to let go of a cheating partner? Immediately
11. How long should it take you to get over them? The longer it takes you to find a new partner
12. How many joints of good weed make you bleed through the nose? Eight
13. How many former partners should an average 25-year old person have? 32
14. How big should your entourage be to be classified 'rolling 50 deep'? Same number as your provinces or states (US = 50 states, SA = 9 provinces)
15. How long is the longest foreplay? Fifty-two minutes
16. How long is an average penis? 17 centimetres
17. How long is an average bonk in a porn movie? Seven minutes
18. How many litres of an HIV+ person's saliva should you gulp to be infected? Five litres
19. How many sexual partners should an average person have in one lifetime? 200
20. How long is the longest marriage? Lifetime
21. How many children does Pope Benedict XVIII have if he really doesn't believe in condoms? Hypocrite
22. How long is the quickest quickie? 11 seconds

2009-03-19T20:59:00.005+02:00

The Art of Lying

Two days ago I watched with shame a muthafucka trying hard to lie his way out of a corner on an SABC2 consumer programme hosted by Dosto Noge. The son-of-a-bitch was such a lousy liar that I pitied him – painfully. This prompted me to pen a piece advising me on how to be an effective liar. Hope you double-dealing folks learn and apply this;

1. when telling a lie, you should keep a straight face – there’s no obvious giveaway than a frown or blinking your eyes repeatedly when you are lying
2. don’t scratch your head – back in school when somebody didn’t know the answer all they had to do to indicate their failure was to scratch their head, so don’t do it
3. your lie must be nearer to the truth – if you want to lie to your partner about having spent time at the post office where there was long queue, start there, buy Lotto tickets and actually fill them in then go jolling, you’ll have evidence to produce when your partner doubts you
4. Don’t tell obvious lies – telling your partner that you are working late is actually saying you are bonking someone else. Also like saying 'come on, we are just friends'. Working late is the oldest trick, it’s the same as claiming you were at the gym when everybody knows more people fall in love at the gym than in church
5. Memorise your lie – the trick here is to believe your own lie. There’s a difference between Kingsway and Beyers Naude, or Cresta and Melville, so if you were at Melville remember that even six months later, anyway why would you want to remember a Cresta that nearly put you in shit
6. Don’t plead alcohol abuse for your memory lapses – saying ‘I can’t remember I was drunk’ is as bad as saying ‘I whacked you because I was drunk’. The issue here will be ‘so should I ready myself for this bullshit everytime you go clubbing?
7. Never change the original lie – no matter how many holes are punctured in it never say, ‘Agghh I was lying, let me tell you the truth’. Rather plead stupidity and say ‘well, I can’t help it that you don’t believe me but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it’. People tend to believe people who believe in themselves.
8. When someone picks a saucy SMS in your cellphone and asks you about never claim it was sent to your cousin or colleague on your cellphone but rather argue that ‘it was sent, I didn’t send it, I can’t help it that some people have a crush on me and hallucinate about it’. This is as long as it’s not about yesterday in the bathroom while everybody had already left or what you did last Summer
9. Practice lying by lying to your own mother - She’s the person who knew you from the time you used to protest having stolen a spoonful of sugar even when it was all over your lips. Lyingtologists (people like me) allege that if you can’t lie to your mother forget about lying to your partner. To your mother, lie, lie and lie until you get it right
10. Never start your lie with a repetition of the question your were asked, like ‘where were you last night?’
‘Last night? Me?’ just shoot from the hip and have a ready lie everytime you have screwed up.

Finally remember that a lie is not an original sin, it’s a bodyguard for the truth. Sometimes the truth is so valuable it has to be protected by a bodyguard of lies, just to spare the next person from the impact of truth. Many relationships which would have survived have dissolved because someone dared tell the truth – when the lie was a tongue-tip away.

2009-03-18T20:30:00.004+02:00

Today I Woke Up

Yesterday I woke up to the news of the mayor of my small poor municipality Milton Jan Moreme going to court to face charges of murder. Yesterday I woke up to hundreds of his Afrikan National Congress fans in t-shirts bearing the face of party president Jacob Zuma waiting for buses to go and support him on his woes. Yesterday I woke up to news that he was going to trial in Nelspruit but has already booked a venue for his victory party on Friday. Yesterday I woke up to ANC cadres complaining that they are being used as cannon fodder in one man's battle against the elements. Yesterday, I woke up to a South Afrika I would love to live in where suspects face the full might of the law and answer for their accusers.

Yesterday I also woke up to the news that ANC president Jacob Zuma's sixteen charges might be dropped by the National Prosecuting Authority. Yesterday I woke up to Mo Shaik, the brother of convicted and recently released on a dodgy medical parole Shabir Shaik telling students in Pretoria that the NPA will drop charges. Yesterday I woke up to a South Afrika suddenly becoming what I didn't want to experience. Yesterday I remembered what Humanity said last week that what's the point of voting believing that your vote will give you a voice when your voice is muted as long as no one is listening.

Today I woke up to a quiet tranquil South Afrika which survived the events of yesterday. Today I woke up to a South Afrika where I can tend for my garden and water my flowers and laws and listen to the birds singing. Today I woke up to a different South Afrika, which is different from yours because overnight I just divorced myself from your reality and am now living in my skull. Today, South Afrika as it exists for you doesn't exist for me - because today I liberated myself and screamed 'fuck politics!'

PS; Saturday, my fresh-out-of-jail mayor is slaughtering four beasts to celebrate while two familes commemorate the deaths of their sons.

On April 22 Jacob Zuma becomes the President of South Afrika. Funny huh!

2009-03-17T20:23:00.003+02:00

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass - Generations Revisited

I’m going to touch on that old tired story about Generations and the reason why it sucks. One of my friends used to be its scriptwriter and thus I am going to be a little nice lest I chop the episode which she co-wrote.

But I mean in the real world the Mashaba family set-up leaves a lot to be desired. Actually the whole cast is funny. Here’s my innocent analysis;
That Khaphela has no girlfriend is funny since all humans are sexual beings. And for a widower who once dated Cleo (remember the reformed whore?) it is quite intriguing.

That the Mashaba household is made up of Kenneth (who speaks Sepedi) and Paul (who is Zulu) and a coloured girl who can’t speak neither is itself a joke. Then the two Mashaba children speak Sepedi while their stepmother is Tswana. Wow!

Can somebody please tell me when will Karabo ever get married and live happily ever after. I mean she has dated almost every single stud who came to the scene. And the story about her and her undating sister-in-law Queen sharing a roof is too good to be true.

There are millions of other things which are just not right and which come across as having been scripted into the soap for political correctness’ sake.

Ajax (Xhosa), Sharon (Tswana), Samuel (Zulu), Dlhomo (Zulu), Ntombi (Zulu), Dumisane (Xhosa), the doctor (Shangaan), Khethiwe (Zulu), Jabulani (Zulu from Limpopo). Okay, let me pause here before I’m accused of being a playerhater.

Next; the new ANC television advertisement. Watch this space!

2009-03-16T13:42:00.002+02:00

How It’s Going Down

I don’t take kindly to politicians trying to be smart because I know there is no person with the ability to camouflage real feelings and intentions than a politician.

However I must confess my adoration for COPE’s controversial Youth Movement convener Anele Mda. See, I meet Anele rather late in the afternoon after she has spitted her venom at a meeting and she’s relaxing in a car eating KFC. So I chat her like a potential boyfriend. She’s nice even before she knows what is it I want from her. Anele is well-rounded so I might be looking for action than rhetoric.

We start chatting and those who know me can tell you I can be real nice, especially when you are a powerful black woman you bring out the fiend in me. Something in the back of my mind tells me she’s sensing animal aura. She’s sitting down and devouring her KFC while I’m posing questions to her and making her smile because I can crack a smile if I want to and make you smile ten times better.

At some stage I request her to take to her feet and pose for me – click-click-click! Yeah, she’s fine, I hold myself back from telling her that earlier on I took her picture while she was looking the other way round – for other reasons which I’m not going to divulge to her now – until she’s high in political office and I can holler ‘what’s up Mami/ remember me from MP/ the PiMp province where my fantasy was to hit that’. Ha-ha!

Thought of the day

2009-03-16T08:17:00.001+02:00

Together we can do more CRIME

Viva! A better life for all CRIMINALS

2009-03-13T14:01:00.003+02:00

Friends With Benefits

A concept that should be tired by now but which I have a feeling the scriptwriters of etv’s prime time soapy Scandal have just picked is the one about Friends With Benefits or FWB in short. I might think it’s tired because I’ve had a one for almost ten years but this is another relationship terrain that few sexperts want to explore.

Simply put, a FWB is a friend with which you give each other sexual favours when the time and the mood is right. The FWB can be married, in a relationship like so many people love to brag on Facebook or just someone who is not even in a relationship. The bottom line is the bonking and the absence of remorse or guilt after that.

Sounds simple; of course it should be, until one of you starts loving the feeling and wants to copyright it to themselves. Those are the minefields; from the onset it is purely a wham-bang-thank-you-mate affair until the other mate wants the fantasy to develop into a reality. Fuck it, they don’t call it fantasy for nothing.

My well-informed dictionary defines fantasy as ‘Something many people believe that is false’. It’s true, because FWB relationships are actually based on false pretense. At any given time one feels that they want it to become something else but the thought that this person could guzzle your jizzle while they had a partner makes you cringe at the prospect of them becoming an FW-bizzle with some nizzle in the hizzle while you'll be snoozing trying to figure out if life is a puzzle.

And that the FWB is actually good between the sheets makes you want to keep it illicit; isn’t something stolen more kosher than a four course?

So, as the Scandal scriptwriters go on a new definition of the concept, I will be watching with interest since that is my territory. One of my FWBs once told her friend when she was crying because her FWB wasn’t answering her calls that ‘you must be loving this son-of-a-bitch my friend, if he can make you cry’.

That was a caution; ‘never let your FWB make you cry because once that happens you have already crossed the line and should withdraw immediately’. One of my friends, who is as informed as my dictionary once told me, ‘never love anything to the point that you can not stand back and watch it die’. So be it with FWBs.

WOMEN GO UP BY 27,2%

2009-03-13T08:06:00.004+02:00

MPUMALANGA'S FINEST

Finance minister Trevor Manuel has announced a shocking 27,2% increase on women, excluding VAT.

However, as Manuel is the longest serving finance minister in the world, he found ways of hiding the increase between the lines. It was only Tshwarelo eseng Mogakane's sharp eye that noticed the chich hike.
When Manuel said alcohol would go up this year, he did not mention who would be buying women their six pack Saritas and 12 Savanna and six pack Espirit. It is you.
He said petrol would also go slightly higher during the cause of the financial year due to the global economic crunch. However, he deliberately forgot to mention that you will have to pop out extra when taking your girl to the mall or just paying her a visit.
Did I mention that he also announced that food prices will go up, forcing you to pay almost double at those restuarants you take your women to.
There's no way to avoid the global financial crunch. It affects everyone, including relationships.
Prices for hair and nails as salon owners begin to pay more for their materials.
Condoms will also be going up, including u auntie wa go cleena the sheets after you finish dirtying them up with your woman.
We need to form a Women First Union, because if we don't boycott this price hikes, re sa tlo jola bomang? Women will kill us for ignoring them. It won't be our falt, they are just too expensive.
I have to go, my woman just sent me a please call. Is MTN increases its rates as well?

PS: This is a generalisation, not all women want to be treated like queens - some know it costs and arm's deal and a leg.

the irony of the machine guns

2009-03-12T21:41:00.007+02:00

We have seen too much of civil wars and enough gangstar movies to be aware of machine guns, I’m talking R4s, AK-47, 9mm and so on, and here we have uMsholozi lamenting daily to whoever, to bring his machinegun, for what exactly I don’t know. As a traditional Zulu man, is he not supposes to beseech for a shield n spear or knobkerrie? Well, Chika Onyeani confirmed it, we (Africans) are comfortable spending fortune enhancing our military services with innovated machines guns, and no wonder JZ is demanding his. It’s acceptable to have a protected land or household but guns issues in general are very controversial and for a presidential candidate singing about them is more than controversial, it’s scary. I take JZ’s hit as a metaphor, like Nasir Jones, what Jacob Zuma really wants is one MIC, he cannot really mention it in simpler language because we understand violence; his associates told me he listens to Nas. All Jacob wants its one MIC to spread his message, to administer his possible country. Unfortunately his sidekick Julius Malema and many like him took the message very literal, they wanted to take up arms and emulate DRC, well I guess, Msholozi was right we do understand the language of violence better.

Those who grew up in township like me will know that girls used to be sexually violated because according to us their ‘Nooos’ is their ‘Yesses’…. how dare do we presume that? but yes we assumed they understood aggression, and we still do. WHAT A SHAME, many of us did so thinking selfishly about our ‘machines’, we raged against ourselves because we couldn’t keep ‘emishini yethu’ locked behind the zip. We should have been the ones singing the song because we behaved like a bunch of comrades on steroids looking for oppression to conflict. I mean, there was time when we chanted the songs, relevantly, and the white man was scared, and now we can sing along with JZ, with twisted thoughts and women would love it. Women love a man with anything big and strong, especially big machines, like a Ferrari, enormous gadgets; plasma, HTC and of course machine guns; literally or figuratively, they give a sense of security. Pamela Anderson once said “whoever said size doesn’t matter, must have been a man”. Now who can blame all those women who chanted along with uMsholozi during his scandalous trial time? Like me, they understood the metaphor behind ‘mshini wam’. But violation of human rights is so not so African, the African value; Ubuntu is enslaved if we act like we did fifteen years ago. So, once again let’s not be cynical and give the nigga his MIC so he can say what’s on his mind, and those who want to produce and use their ‘machines’ they can hit the local clinic and grab some condoms.

2009-03-12T20:54:00.005+02:00

While You Were Sleeping

One of my few friends who are actually smart without having spent many hours absorbing academic indoctrination once warned me against sleeping, to the point that you gape and fail to comprehend what happened. I remembered him last night when while I was busy on my Facebook profile the template went - zig-zag-zog-zug- and I was suddenly working on something new. Not really knew because I have been reading about it for some time in newspapers but thinking, well, who cares.

So, with things passing people while they were sleeping I ended up having to think long and hard about what are the stories that come to my mind of people who have been deprived of benefits - tickets out of mishap by virtue of loving good old sleep. I can think of a few friends who today were supposed to be working a Global Forests or the mines if they didn't miss the 04h00 bus. The one that is the opposite of hell in Winter.

I know of how some people missed blessings because when the Lord told them to close their eyes for a prayer they fell asleep and had to be awakened three times. I know of a thief who broke into a department store to steal but ended up filling his little tummy with food and beverages that the first time he opened his eyes was when the Constable was fixing the handcuffs into his wrists.

I know of a person whose partner was ruffled up (in bed) while the sod was dreaming. So, next time you watch Generations and Karabo stresses about Paul typing through the night when he should be doing the job and Queen defending him that probably that's when his creative juices flow well in the wee hours of the morning, take a cue, while everybody was dreaming and bonking, it's easier for you to think rationally because all the important thoughts are flowing just waiting for a hungry brain to tap on them.

Somebody made R400 by donating 4millilitres of sperm at the Sperm Bank - while you were sleeping. He made R400 and today he might date you or even buy you beer!

2009-03-12T10:24:00.003+02:00

I woke up this morning bitter at the manner in which things around the area i know dwell in have become.It is disgusting how its normal to dawn to the reek of death and the statements of headings the news and papers report. It got I deeply frustrated, one can only understand it only if they too suffer from a Query syndrome that is coupled with what others refer to as a conscious mind and heart. Can a wrong statement or deed be justified by the masses since it has been made common? a gentlemen who cared not to have his name again mentioned once warned me to learn to just accept that things are in the manner that they are meant to be in, when in actual fact it is humans hand that is responsible.

I honestly never thought that aging older meant that one has to learn to link to the worlds fixations and learn exactly what it is to adjust, it seems that all of us in one manner or another have learned the ways of society's grades and just follow suite for there is no other given option. it is just the ways forming our daily, harmful and sad situation. Conformity of a certain sort and kind is inevitable to us all? It never to I truly occurred that the world outside the games at young age i played would mean for today's children shooting each other to death. i must then learn to grow with the flow? Queries syndrome has me suffering, do we all need to truly go behind lined customs for we seemingly don't vision it an different?

I dont understand surely how our society adopts the standards set up for us to live under. It must have everything to do with civilisation and these are just the times and one must learn to evolve and then adapt. To it all?

2009-03-11T20:32:00.001+02:00

How To Make A Skin-Flick

Since Sondeza went pop, visits to www.fuck.com have increased tremendously. And my investigation picks the same IP addresses connecting to www.fuck.com as those which used to spend countless hours on Sondeza. So, Sondeza’s loss was www.fuck.com’s gain. But I have been wondering what’s the point of spending money watching celluloid sex when you can make your own. Here’s how to make your own home made skin flick. If you are brave you can double-date and involve your friend and his girlfriend as director and camera operator. Alternatively you can all swing.

MAKING THE MOVIE PART I

What you need;
1. A SONY HD digital camera (or if you are too broke use your cellphone)
2. Lights
3. Reflectors
4. Lots of glycerin
5. KY Gel and Spanish Fly
6. Lots of condoms (at least stick with Durex not Choice)
7. A queen size bed (forget Formula One’s cabin singles)
8. An edit suite installed in your computer
9. A tripod
10. 120 megabyte of memory in your SD card
11. Lots of soundtrack music CDs
12. A little alcohol or drugs.

THINGS TO DO

1. Understand that premature ejaculation might be your disease (or at least see Men’s Clinic International) but don’t stress, shoot the scene that ends too quick and archive it so that during editing you can put it at the end of the one that refuses to end – you know that round where you don’t come – you just take that first scene and paste it there and you are like boo-ya-ka.
2. If getting dry some few minutes into the session is your problem as a woman, use KY Gel or drink a tonic spiked with Spanish fly twenty minutes before filming.
3. If you are going to have your friend and partner handle the filming and creativity, avoid staring at the camera – it looks amateurish.
4. If you are doing a secret movie without voyeurs mount the camera on a tripod (or in the case of cellphone lodge it between two dictionaries) and use a television set as a monitor (only for those using cameras).
5. Rehearse- rehearse- rehearse, it’s like a stage play, you have only one take.
6. Change fuck positions when screwing for better angles and more entertainment.
7. Blowjobs are performed next to the lens. Use as much glycerin on the bodies to give them gloss.
8. Don’t allow shadows to crop in your visuals so reflectors will be used to divert light to shady areas of the body. Play music in the background as long as it’s your own or its creator has been dead for 100 years.

THINGS NOT TO DO: ACTORS
1. Don’t fake orgasms or bump her with gusto since this makes your flick look gonzo
2. Don’t analfuck the woman since the flick might fall into your childrens’ hands someday
3. Don’t be tempted not to use a condom even when heated.

FINALLY
Load it onto your computer and start editing using Adobe Pro Suite or the standard Movie Maker which comes with your computer software. Add music and titles, like ‘Adolf and Beatrice present – an A&B film – starring A, introducing B as Skank’. You can even use your pictures at the beginning, some long range shots of mansions in Sandton to create an impression that it’s where the bonk is taking place.

DONE
Edit it to be a minimum 45 minutes so that you don’t bore us with your limp Willy trying to act macho. Happy filmmaking

A job overseas

2009-03-11T08:07:00.000+02:00

MPUMALANGA'S FINEST

Here is a job opportunity for our brother and sisters who want to make a difference in their lives and those of others.

Just visit mboshongo.com and see for yourself. Tell your friends that they can get a job on mboshongo.com, it's so real.

Enjoy

2009-03-10T11:28:00.006+02:00

In The Public Interest:
Investigate your sources of (mis)information – it’s a matter of principle

By Sizwe Sama Yende

I have seen many a journalist left with an egg on the face after being hit by a boomerang. A missile they had directed at us – government – ricocheting to hit back at them.

Those are opportunities for us to gloat, but since we neither have the channel nor the heart to retaliate we let what would make headline news, on the flip side, go unnoticed.

My point is - things backfire for journalists when they make no effort to investigate their sources.

The simple questions a principled journalist needs to ask about a source dangling juicy information before his curious eyes are:

What is the motive for this person to leak or divulge details about a public institution or an individual?
Why is my source so intent to hang the institution’s or individual’s dirty linen on the public arena?

Believe me, journalists invariably prefer to omit or ignore this important principle. “But why?” I always ask myself each day I pick up a national or a local newspaper to read or listen to news in the electronic media.

“Perhaps they are in a hurry to meet a deadline,” I try to answer myself. But this should not be an excuse. Most stories are published prematurely while they could be delayed until information is doubled-checked if not triple-checked.

The one-sided details are, in most cases, so attractive and mouth-watering to a journalist that waiting a minute longer to do proper work would jeopardise a good story.

I need not harp on about how lies about the private life of President Kgalema Motlanthe were splashed in the media. This is one perfect example of a boomerang that has hit our newsmen and newswomen.

No effort was made to investigate the source. It is still difficult for me to understand why I am writing on this topic, because it is a standard procedure in journalism to investigate the source.

Once you are sure who your source is, what is he or she about, then you can carry on with your juicy story.

In most cases sources are disgruntled individuals with skeletons in their own cupboards. What they are looking for is a quick-fix to their predicaments, and the best route to go about it is by pillorying or lampooning others through mass media.

If they do it for the good of the public, not to save their skins then it is justified and – perfect. I know there are those individuals out there who are sincere and committed to see the right things happening, and they throw stones knowing fully well that they do not live in glass houses.

Whatever the case may be, journalists must do their job by getting answers to the questions asked above.

It seems to me some journalists have become the easiest people to hoodwink as they cannot differentiate a fib from fact.

I have experienced a situation where a political organisation raised an issue about my institution - through the media.

When I asked for proof of what was being stated as facts, it was like throwing a duck into the river hoping it is going to drown.

To my dismay, the so-called facts were run in both print and electronic media! No thought was ever given to the fact that the nascent political organisation was trying to gain recognition and the best way to ensconce itself in people’s minds is through mass media.

Journalists across the spectrum failed to investigate the motives of the source whether unwittingly or due to lack of skill. Instead, their judgement of fairness got clouded by the excitement of having a scoop about a district municipality.

My comment that aimed at rubbishing cheap point-scoring tactics was edited out of my response. My institution’s name was embroiled in a smoke of sheer conjecture.

In the few media institutions in which I have worked as a journalist, a story of this nature would not see the light of the day. I would not dare give it to my editor. Never!

I am no longer in the game of journalism, but my unsolicited advice to my former colleagues is: Investigate your sources, and never get into the trap of trying to nail us on hypothetical information.

You will not be doing us a favour but yourselves. The public is increasingly becoming sensitive and aware of the newsgathering process and they know when no justice has been done.

In most cases, the best story to tell is about the person supplying information – the source. I bet you on this one.

Sizwe sama Yende is Senior Communication Officer (Media Liaison) for Greater Sekhukhune District Municipality. He writes in his personal capacity.

lies

2009-03-10T10:35:00.003+02:00

Let all the lies told to us by those political leaders be brought to days light, so that the people who cast votes may be able to receive justice from the end of the picture and political party.

It does not to many younger folks, and people of other age groups makes a formal sense how the political structure is build nor the manner in which it operates for they have not witnessed a single better change just more grief. Many do not find a single reason to cast a vote whilst others consider it as just plain ignorance to be a citizen of a country and not vote; yet for some its just the most gravest deed they can involve self in. What truly is the use to place one's trust in a human being who proves self and others in millions that concern only comes during the duration of asking to be elected. Short months later the voted officials are corrupt. Just as it harms the parent when the child they for many years cradled grows to be a criminal. It deeply hurts, worse when that person is a greedy grown up man or woman who is suppose to lead generations. I cannot cast a stone towards those not yet in power and the promises they make, and yes, every nation needs good Governance, not tribal form but intelligent leadership which shall maintain and grow a nation not own agendas and pockets.

I want worthy leadership, not dictators who have too many burdens they will be failed before they even start and that requires not a scientist to figure. Give me and those in agreement a worthy candidate, dates wont need extension for registering or convincing campaigns just plain truth and taken action can guarantee any citizen's vote. Frankly, I am weary of going along with garbage.

Voting is said to give one a solid voice, but what happens when it falls on deaf ears?

2009-03-09T20:21:00.002+02:00

"Ask not what Your Country can do for You, Ask What you can do for Your Country" - Count me In

It's election time and I have been toying around with the idea of restructuring our police force to be in sync with the changed dynamics of the South Afrikan life. We inherited an unfriendly police force from the Boers that finds it easy to sell dockets for R100 and to sit at taverns and drink Black Label with pistols still tucked on holsters. Now, I am aspiring to be the next police commissioner suppose Minister Nathi Mthethwa starts searching outside the party. And here is how I am going to pluck out suspected bad apples (read Jackie Selebi and Raymond Lala) and take the force back to the police.

We are going to have the following units and functions;
1. Farm and Rural Police (uniformed fully mechanised in 4x4 and a helicopter for rural and farm policing. They will investigate livestock theft, petty crimes and witchcraft cases which will be judged by the Chief or Induna in Special Courts.)
2. City Police (uniformed highly mechanised in fast cars plus helicopter working together with ADT Security and Metro Police to police cities, suburbs, bus/taxi stations and airports)
3. Township Police (uniformed in Condors, kombis and vans working closely with CPFs, Mapogo A Mathamaga and communities with whistles. Suspects who commit minor crimes are subjected to community courts and justice. No killing, cops pick them bleeding)
4. Organised Crime Unit (plain-clothed undercover police officers in fully equipped Vittos)
5. Vice Squad (plain-clothed undercover cops working on prostitution and drugs crimes. Equipped with listening devices and miniature cameras)
6. Anti-Corruption Unit (plain-clothed forensic investigators)
7. Early Detection Unit (crime intelligence, with only hired cars)
8. Vehicle Tracking and Recovery Unit (working together with Tracker and equipped with GPS)
9. Crowd Management Unit (the no-guns but teargas and baton boys)
10. Special Task Force (we can't mess with a winning formula now can we?)
11. Hit Squad (they wear black uniforms and balaclavas and their job is to kill those who kill police officers)
12. Child Protection Unit (exclusively for children - made up of clinical psychologists and police with nerves)
13. Murder, Rape and Violent Crime Unit (crime investigators)
14. Volunteer Unit (this is where all youth out of matric should go to prepare themselves for the world outside of the classroom. They work in police stations to photocopy, cerfity and fax for the public)
15 VIP Protection Unit (for Jacob Zuma)
16. Asset Forfeiture Unit (for Themba Lukhele)

All police units work together in an integrated manner. No police officer shall weight above 90 kilograms, unless he's an Afrikaner. All police units shall be able to swim, firefight and to conduct First Aid. Border duty will from now on be done by the Army and Immigration officials. All units (except Volunteer) shall have gun tracing expertise and access, both the lab and the database. All police units (except CPF, VU and CCU) shall have basic crime investigation expertise and tools. The 112 number shall be nationalised and run from one massive call centere where all dispatches will be done, using satellite maps and GPS. I plan to raise a police force of 470 000 officers at any given time, one for every 10 citizens.

Sure, make me Commissioner and let's see if crime won't decline. "These hands are clean, Glen Agliotti is my friend, finish and klaar!", he said. I said, "fuck you, who are you fooling?"

The Machine Gun is back!!!!!!

2009-03-09T12:57:00.001+02:00

Jacob I have loved - Ngimthandile Umsholozi

Awesome God has done it. I have dared record the Zuma DVD. In this message I challenge the Congress of the People to explain the difference between Lekota/Mbeki and Cain and also try seperate Zuma and Abel.

The controversial DVD comes in the form of a TV (MegaMak TV) interview, where Modise takes me to task on the political front. I unleash a teaser on the many types of people to avoid if you don't want to be charged with rape, corruption and others, just like Msholozi.

I want to make it clear that this is not a marketing thing, I would have loved for you to watch the DVD even if it wasn't mine. No wonder it sells for an affordable R40. That's just four quarts of beer. You can sacrifice.

Holla at NtateJModise on 073-078-2319 and grab a copy now.

2009-03-08T13:21:00.002+02:00

Rolling 50-deep, why?

Award-winning author of Thabo Mbeki and the Battle for the Soul of the ANC, William Gumede is poignantly asked a tricky question in the latest issue of Mail & Guardian. "what are the pointers of a flawed leader?". I got the impression that he didn't even need to ponder but shoots from his hip, "you can measure the potential for failure by the number of bodyguards a politician has. The bigger the convoy, the more likely he is to fail, to be a dictator".

Well, I reckon Bra Bill is not referring to anyone we know right now but he's just giving pointers, which should absolve him of any blame but those who might interpret his response to refer to, say Robert Mugabe or Jacob Zuma. Yeah, Zuma has the largest Security Detail of all politicians in South Afrika while Mugabe's cavalcade is rumoured to number 30 cars. Not even his Prime Minister is afforded such luxury as when he finally escaped an assassination attempt on Friday night which killed his wife, Morgan Tsvangirai was in a three car convoy.

But what Bra Bill said had me thinking about other areas, outside of politics (not even Idi Amin or Mobutu Sese Seko) but the music industry, especially the rap industry in the US. A rapper's shadiness (also called street cred) is judged based on how deep he is when rolling. The bigger your entourage the more respect you get in the 'hood. The most common depth is 50, which Terror Squad founder Joseph 'Fat Joe' Cartagena, after he was featured by Ja-Rule in New York-New York (Lean Back) and he spitted lines like "even Roy Jones was forced to lean back" he says the heavyweight boxer cornered him in a club in New York and asked him in no uncertain terms 'what the fuck he meant by that line?'. Fat Joe says he could see the rage in Jone's eyes and he told him to his face to try punching him. To paraphrase him he said, "I said 'okay, you the boxer, I don't doubt that you can land a punch on my face but I got like hundred niggas in this club and there's no way you are going to walk out of here alive. I'm 50 deep nigga'"

Yeah, Tupac was always 50-deep, Snoop is always 50-deep, so is 50 Cent, Ice Cube and most of the rappers with dodgy street creds. Does this mean that if Zuma was a rapper in the states people like Zwelinzima Vavi, Zizi Kodwa, Julius Malema, Blade Nzimande, Ranjeni Mununsamy and the bodyguards would have been what The Outlawz were to Tupac and Juniour to Notorious BIG. What happened to the most 50-deepest niggas in the industry? Idi Amin - dead, Tupac - dead, BIG - dead, and the crews prevailed.

Is there any lesson for Zuma here? Let's hope not, Bra Bill wasn't talking about him but promoting his second book, The Democracy Gap - Africa's Wasted Years.

2009-03-05T20:32:00.003+02:00

Of Men and Women

I just had to let ya'll know about this 42-year old man in a crisis. I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis but ya. This is a man with the typically ideal life; in theory that is two kids - a boy and girl who are doing quite well at school, into sports and have good morals. A wife, a beautiful wife, with a slim figure, always dressed to the nines, a job at the governmentt complex (legislature), a smart home at a secure residential complex and two luxury cars.

I mean, if you are like me and you are looking at that picture from far, you'd think 'wow! that is a nice family'. Well problem is, the man is confused to the last bit, he has had sex with a prostitute, with a tertiary kid, with a woman older than him and to a mo'f*cken fag. (Do not ask me how I know this, I am the gossip-princess of Nelspruit, news just come to me. I just make sure how true they are.)

Ok, basically what I see here is a man who has it all but still feels incomplete or maybe there are more things to experience in life. I haven't figured out that one yet. Now I bumped into this man when I was doing my groceries and I just stood there staring at him as he went on about his business, he was actin' too fag, more feminine than me (well, almost every one else is), but that was just too gross. What was even worse was that he was wearing white linen pants with a white man-thong that showed when he bent down to take a chocolate by the pay-point.

Urgh, I deliberately stood behind him in the hope that he would say something in a manner that would confirm my suspicions about him being gay!!!!! "F*ck me, ...... slowly", was what came out of my mouth - in a low, whispery tone, the man turned around and said: "Ooh, darling I prefer it being given to me". For a second I thought I have heard wrong and given the fact that my mind is in slow-mode after 16h30, it only registered while driving back to my place.

Now men, tell me; how the hell do you go from being a normal man with all of that to being a person that lives two lives. One = straight loving husband and father and the other = a gay man. I know it is becoming normal these day but I still cannot get that in my mind. Someone make me understand, I know I have dated a man who told me 7 months down the line that he was shagging men (reason why he never brought the sex issue during our "relationship") and that he wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon as he was getting a lot of benefits in the process.

Right, I was young then and had no thoughts of settling down and having kids and a proper home. Now I am wondering if one will ever find a normal man when so many of them are choosing to get into same-sex relationships. There was a time I dated a woman for a whole year and even with that I still knew that it is something I definitely wouldn't want to do for the rest of my life. It doesn't make sense!

Madoda nashiya ubudoda benu nje, kwenzenjani?

2009-03-05T13:58:00.003+02:00

Birth Control 101

A post on Afro’s blog got me thinking about birth control. In my thinking I have been wondering what exactly do we mean by this concept.

Are we talking about blocking the ability to give birth for some time until it’s relevant; like my friend who says he won’t drop a seed until he’s got a million in his bank account? It makes sense when he says he has no intention of bringing a child in this world who will not be the son/daughter of a millionaire.

Or do we talk about something more scientific like the Chinese version of birth control. I hear it from reliable Politburo sources that in Red China the authorities know everything about a woman. They say that in those sweat shops were all the Nikes and Adidas and everything trendy that we like are produced the women there work everyday except on the days when they are having their periods.

And when are those days; I mean given that the cycle can be interrupted by many things? Forget it, the sweat shop captain will allocate day-offs based on ovulation and she will even give the woman a pack of sanitary towels. How did they know? The same way they’ll know when you have decided to have more than one child as per legislation.

You’ll gain wait, won’t you? You’ll gain some complexion and have sensitive tits won’t you? You’ll be nauseous and have morning sickness. And the neighbours who are part of a spying network will tell the block committee chairperson about it who’ll call police to come confiscate your dustbin for a lab review. Then they’ll find that pregnancy kit and the green stripe. Viola! You are forced to do an abortion and your fallopian tubes are blocked because you can’t control your own birth.

Birth control; Afro wrote about pills and other things and gays. My well-informed dictionary, which art at my computer defines birth control as; “Limiting the number of children born” while my Yiddish dictionary says, “restriction of conception by any of several methods”.

Now I reckon that my friend Holy Nigga would put coitus interuptus (“A method of birth control in which coitus is initiated but the penis is deliberately withdrawn before ejaculation”) as one of those to be adopted to control birth.

My older brother used to say they coitus interuptus is for those who have mastered the art of ejaculation; who know ‘on your marks – get set – ready – go and when the athlete is about to cross the rubicon. It’s split second birth control – birth control for experts. Does it work? Yeah, I have been using it for four years and am still to cross the rubicon.

Birth control. Yeah, sounds very unsexy. Condom sounds whorish (Formula One-ish, bonkish, Link-ish, Clicks-ish, one night standish) Contraceptive sounds… well kosher. Prophylactic, yeah, sophisticated. But at the end the aim is the same; to kill our seeds before they germinate. And we claim we are doing it for the unfortunate boys and girls who perish suffocated by latex rubber, or poisoned with pills and depo provera and injection or chocked with diaphragms and contraceptive loops.

2009-03-04T20:23:00.004+02:00

Sabela uyabizwa Msholozi!

Today I’m taking this time to review something that was impossible to review many years ago because it was unavailable here – in South Afrika, because we are backward.

I am reviewing the African National Congress television advertisement. I’m still trying to figure out how much are they spending taking Ikhongolose to the people but I reckon it’s a lot of money – hopefully not from Oilgate or Arms Deal.

First; the ad is cinematographically very appealing and was well-edited with the consumer in mind. The consumer is the unconverted voter still not knowing if COPE is a fluke or the real thing.

In the ad the ANC takes credit for all the successes of the last fifteen years, building of houses, clinics, bridges, roads, municipal infrastructure and makes a point of highlighting that it all started with the Nelson Mandela’s freedom. Absent from the ad’s archived visuals is disgraced former party chief and president Thabo Mbeki.

You get to see a ‘poor’ family standing infront of their new house. You don’t get to see that it’s actually a four-roomed a la National Party matchbox structure, just that the Nats built stronger houses.

Then the killer for me is the old man who is relating all these achievements form the comfort of his bench. He speaks isiXhosa, probably to acknowledge the humble roots of the ANC and to defer the Zulu leader of the party as just a head of a collective while the party still belongs to everybody, including isiXhosa speakers.

Then when the old man takes to his feet it becomes the sell-off moment. And then the brand ambassador, Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma appears and urges the electorate to give them another mandate. Wow! Another five years?

From a marketing point I fail to comprehend why I saw it twice during e-international news, since I sort of figured that people who make time to watch the 13h00 news are already converted, they already know who they are going to vote for and might not switch loyalties based on what the ANC claims to have achieved. It’s like people who watch Top Billing, Generations, Muvhango, Bold and The Beautiful and many other clearly LSMd shows.

It’s a nice ad with a thought-provoking hackneyed message. One of my visitors to this blog figured it should be screened during 3rd Degree as well. I reckon it will depend on what the topic is, not when it’s the issue of suspended two Land Affairs Chief Directors for maladministration of funds – who happen to be ANC deployed supposed to be ‘disciplined cadres’ who stole poor people’s money.

Eish..........

2009-03-04T13:08:00.003+02:00

Slight Humour never hurts anyone, does it?????

Don't mess with a crazy chick mfana!

2009-03-04T12:49:00.004+02:00

'In Narcs We Trust' – What’s the Obsession with Delusions of Grandeur?

Recently I’ve been wondering what is the biggest threat to poor communities these days? I remembered that in the 1990s it used to be guns, during the Nelson Mandela Gun Proliferation Era.

I then discovered, quite by accident that communities’ biggest threat these days is actually drugs. Everybody I know is on drugs to the point that these past two weeks when I watched television; first etv on Friday and they screened DMX starring Never Die Alone and the theme was about drugs and their allure and the barons who make a living out of people’s addictions I was not numbed.

I remembered the first time I saw somebody overdosing on drugs in a film I went out and puked. But not today. Then as if that was not enough, or as if this was Narcotics Year etv’s Scandal is currently on a druggy theme. Mangi, Daniel Nyathi (Sello Maake ka-Ncube)’s son ‘has taken hook, line and sinker’ (in the words of Abigail) to the habit.

Then last night I watched Special Assignment and the issue was the devastation being unleashed by Tik on the Coloured communities of the Cape Flats. Whole communities are being wiped from the face of the earth with a single syringe up a vein.

Conscious rapper Nasir Jones once rapped that ‘we used to fear arms but now the weapons are chemical’. Those who couldn’t defeat poor communities through firearms just introduced crack, cocaine, heroine, alcohol, weed, mandrax, tik, ecstasy, mushrooms, valium and others in our communities to slowly erode our humanity.

They say that once in your system tik relaxes you, then you move to a state of euphoria, then psychosis, then violence since your brain mutates to that of an ape – or violent closest relative. It also gives you uncontrolled libido which then means that you fuck without condoms and spread AIDS.

You steal things to sell and at the end you have empty houses, hungry children and an AIDS epidemic that is out of control. In an episode of The Sopranos Tony asked his father Junior what to do with his beloved nephew after he started using and the old man said, ‘it’s like when your dog has rabies, no matter how you love it you have no option but to put it down’. Tony couldn’t, and that was his undoing.

During Special Assignment a Cape Flats mother was given three years suspended sentence by a court after she put down her rabies infected dog – she strangled her own son after he became uncontrollable violent.

But then looking at the erosion of the coloured community in Special Assignment got me wondering if some races are more susceptible to drugs than others? I mean when the CIA wanted to break the Black Panther resistance they flooded the ‘active’ neighborhoods with crack and got even disciplined activists like Afeni Shakur hooked. That’s when niggers started gangbanging.

It’s rather worrying me you know, because while coloureds are on some tik, our sisters are on mandrax and ecstasy, our brothers and fathers on alcohol and weed, our middle-class uncles and aunts (together with our cousins and nephews) on cocaine. Is this the future of poor communities in this globe? Are we so done shooting each other that we now committing suicide? I’m still trying to figure.

2009-03-03T14:21:00.003+02:00

Statistics Don’t Lie – But They Lie Through Statistics

Have you ever wondered why there are so many poor people in South Afrika today? Latest statistics (Labour Force Survey Fourth Quarter 2008/’09) indicate that there are 14 million employed people in this country and that during the last quarter alone employment went up by 1.4% while unemployment decreased by 26%. When one asks deep-probing questions we get told that Statistics South Africa have changed the definition of ‘employment’ while they seem not to have changed the definition of ‘unemployment’.

Sounds technical? Wait for this. When the South Afrikan Revenue Service projects its annual bounty it does not use the 14 million individual taxpayers as a benchmark plus a few thousand companies that employ them. This is because most of these folks are actually employed by government in different capacities and while the entry level for most government jobs is R52000, 00 per annum, anyone earning less than that qualifies for tax amnesty.

Okay, what about the company tax? Government as an employer (company) can not pay tax to itself, so the employees and the employer don’t pay tax. South Afrikan Broadcasting Corporation and South African Airways (which are two other government departments) usually posts losses and don’t have to foot their tax bill because they didn’t make income. As a result we have a fledging ‘middle class’ whose existence does not impact on economic growth since economic growth is measured in Gross Domestic Product and the size of the Goolam’s booty.

But truly most people are poor because most of those purported to be existing jobs are actually temps at the construction of stadia, Gautrain (Mashatile Express), Extended Public Works Programme (EPWP), Siyatentela, Asibuyeleni Emasimini and many of the government programmes which are set up before every elections and are launched by MECs and Mayors with wide smiles as if people only eat before elections.

Finally, people are poor because the level of government that is tasked with implementation; local government is so infested with cronyism that it is impossible for skilled people to find jobs there but disciplined cadres of the movement – same thing with why the Sector Education and Training Authorities, Youth Commission, Umsobomvu and many state agencies don’t work.

They should employ us and see poverty alleviated without food parcels and free houses, but quality jobs and enough money for people to build their own houses. Agghh, I’m just grumbling I guess, but it is the same situation that makes people opt to cope with the situation when they should be comfortable in their own laurels.

Wanna know why MP Government Officials never get invited to nice functions???

2009-03-03T09:05:00.004+02:00

I'll tell you why..... coz they can't stop actin like country asses!

Now I know I've always been one bitch about this but really it has to come to an end soon and my talkin to some of them is not working and for that reason I will try figure out ways pf getting this bullsh*t to stop.

Have you ever been to say an awards gala dinner for one of the gvt departments and (by default) some government employees will attend the function. Maybe they might have expected 500 guests and only 300 show up. Those people will make sure that the food gets finished even if it means going to get a lunchbox (or plastic bag) from their cars just to pack in the food, take more than 3 corporate gifts per person, some even take the centre pieces and flower arrangements. Me thinks that they would even leave with the cutlery, table cloths, sound system and audio visuals given the chance.

Either way it very embarrassing for the person coordinating the event coz they are responsible for everything that happens. now go tell those people not to leave with the booze and so and they will lash out at you saying that "they" referring to themselves of coz, have paid for it and therefore will take what ever they want.

Now who wants to invite people who behave like that to an event.

I was shocked once when a certain MEC and a few HOD's did the same. OMG...........

And for the longest time ever I thought it was only black people who did that 'till I saw a few whities do it as well.

Haai no!

2009-03-02T21:07:00.004+02:00

Cheaters - A Review

Quite frankly, today I have to confess my wholehearted adoration for etv's Cheaters programme. I don't care that it shares a slot with a soccer highlights programme on SABC1, I'm a Buccaneer but uncle Irvin Khoza will have to forgive me because I reckon that Cheaters beats soccer hands down.

Before you think I'm some stuck-up middle-age dude who is better off comatose than virile wait. I actually have ten reasons why I think Joey Greco and the bunch are a worthy view. If I had to shoot, edit and broadcast my own ad for my soon-to-be-launched political party I would differ with the ANC and DA and demand that mine not be played during Muvhango, which incidentally is flighted at the same time on SABC2 but on Cheaters.

First; I love Cheaters because it teaches me how to know when the chick I call my own has been compromised. She starts working late and having cousins in some dodgy parts of town.

Second; Cheaters is well-shot and is reality television at its best. To me, its allure is like that of Big Brother before it became too overtly commercial.

Third; Like Judge Judy, Ricky Lake and Steve Wilkos, you know you are not going to see women with bikini wax or suntan but barrel chested dudes and flabby whore-looking women on heavy make-up like actresses of Nollywood B-grades

Fourth; I am very single and Cheaters helps me realise that I actually am not missing anything except lies and heartache

Fifth; Cheaters is the only television series not on HBO which gives director Quentin Tarantino a run for his money when it comes to swearwords, that's remedy for stress

Sixth; It teaches me to be very careful in the future in the event that I fail to die from being stabbed with a single spear and am tempted to seek another wound. I see men using the old strategy of pleading late work while that's a sell-off for adultery.

Seventh; Joey is a white guy who seems not to care about the race of his cheaters as he gives them a tongue lashing and uses his customary sarcastic grammar.

Eighth; One of my friends who swears that he doesn't watch it often asks me how long do the investigations on Cheaters take and I tell him at most nine days and he says 'not in South Afrika, here people are bonking. Same day they meet at a club they bonk the same day. Joey would be saving a lot of tape in South Africa because we fuck like rabbits'.

Ninth; It always has a happy ending, which is what I expect from every story I indulge in.

Tenth; The last reason is that I am a fucking voyeur. I'm the type of dude who would follow a man and a woman into a bodouir and still expect to see something different. I even enjoyed the episode where son-of-a-bitch Joey was knifed and nearly killed by a suspect.

I love watching things, can you blame me for curiousity? When I was young I used to read books/novels because I always wanted to know what happened next. So, make a date with Cheaters and join me!

2009-03-02T20:35:00.003+02:00

The Objective - Introducing The Platform2

The objective! The objective! What objective? I’ve listened to this here [hip-hop] since kickin' my way out my mama’s womb. N thanx to havin' listened to a number of different MCs; I have lost myself in hip-hop to the point of havin lost the objective. I hope to neva have to face the dilemma of writin' an objective.

In school we were neva taught to have an objective. Objective these balls! But since we’ve embarked on a journey that’s hazardous, dangerous and exciting we thought it proper to write an objective. Anyway everybody has got one and perhaps they look at the objective before handing out them awards.

The Platform 2 ain't nuthin' but homage to Hip-Hop. Homage to all the MCs who had nuthin' but a mind and an inbred will to survive. Young Black men must have just been smokin' a blunt n talking to beats in their hearts and that excelled into rap. Street kids must have been frustrated by their situation and started taggin' stuff all around. The DJ must made them all chill n savor the moment.

The b – boy had to flex his skills for all to be entertained. Like a whip from a paint brush a culture was created. A street culture was created. With so many streets on this earth this culture found it easy to travel from here to there. And it hit our shores – the heavens know when – to be embraced by a limited number of free thinking youth n the flame refused to burn out. Despite a lot of pressure from the people in power, freedom of speech continued to be expressed through rap music.

Rap music has transcended through all cultures, solely because through demise of cultures new cultures arise. The industrial age was an era in which cultures became extinct n people where required to adapt to a form a civilized culture. Hip-Hop was formed in these times, a culture that touches all colours and creeds. Lest we forget that this is an ever changing world – niggas can’t be listening to no Beethoven and Mozart forever.

Hip-Hop in Mzansi has been steadily growing since the times of Prophets of the City. New MC’s are cumin' through, painting the world in their eyes through the mics. We surely can’t catch up with the American MCs but who said we have to catch up. A lot of the stuff that comes out from our MCs has good quality rap content to it. We is lovin the music, thus the blogsite. So to all you aspiring MCs on the street coners, computer labs, work, internet shops; if ur shit is good we is willin' to listen.

The Platform 2 is but a platform. A podium on which all can rap the Afrikaans track about De la Ray, as long as it’s in rap format we will listen. A platform on which u can voice out ur hate to the BEE’d up niggas, if it’s in rap format we will listen. A stage to put the middle finger up towards the past or future, rap format – we listen. If u wana kill urself through rap format, we listen.

We intend on reviewing any rap album from South Africa that we can get our hands on. We want to display the different fashions that r emerging in this ever changing Hip-Hop. Need I say we need to see a rise in the forbidden arts of graffiti. Talk Hip-Hop we will talk on the platform.

Sadly Hip-Hop has been cited to be the work of the devil. It has been said to promote violence. It is also said everybody is entitled to their opinions, but the problem with opinions is that like assholes everybody’s got one. (there are also too many opinions in this world than pimples on an adolescent's face - Ed)

True dat, we lost a number of young people as an indirect or direct effect of our culture. 'Let he who has no sin cast the first stone'. This is for the informed street culture lovin' young people, who have smelled the evil scents of the past and have glimpsed the gloomy future. From the words of a wise man “to all my niggas on the darkest corner, roll a perfect blunt n let me spark it for ya.” All we is doing is maintaining the spark, we don’t want it burn out – who wants to go the 70’s to start the spark all ova again. Just think about it.