"Ask not what Your Country can do for You, Ask What you can do for Your Country" - Count me In

It's election time and I have been toying around with the idea of restructuring our police force to be in sync with the changed dynamics of the South Afrikan life. We inherited an unfriendly police force from the Boers that finds it easy to sell dockets for R100 and to sit at taverns and drink Black Label with pistols still tucked on holsters. Now, I am aspiring to be the next police commissioner suppose Minister Nathi Mthethwa starts searching outside the party. And here is how I am going to pluck out suspected bad apples (read Jackie Selebi and Raymond Lala) and take the force back to the police.

We are going to have the following units and functions;
1. Farm and Rural Police (uniformed fully mechanised in 4x4 and a helicopter for rural and farm policing. They will investigate livestock theft, petty crimes and witchcraft cases which will be judged by the Chief or Induna in Special Courts.)
2. City Police (uniformed highly mechanised in fast cars plus helicopter working together with ADT Security and Metro Police to police cities, suburbs, bus/taxi stations and airports)
3. Township Police (uniformed in Condors, kombis and vans working closely with CPFs, Mapogo A Mathamaga and communities with whistles. Suspects who commit minor crimes are subjected to community courts and justice. No killing, cops pick them bleeding)
4. Organised Crime Unit (plain-clothed undercover police officers in fully equipped Vittos)
5. Vice Squad (plain-clothed undercover cops working on prostitution and drugs crimes. Equipped with listening devices and miniature cameras)
6. Anti-Corruption Unit (plain-clothed forensic investigators)
7. Early Detection Unit (crime intelligence, with only hired cars)
8. Vehicle Tracking and Recovery Unit (working together with Tracker and equipped with GPS)
9. Crowd Management Unit (the no-guns but teargas and baton boys)
10. Special Task Force (we can't mess with a winning formula now can we?)
11. Hit Squad (they wear black uniforms and balaclavas and their job is to kill those who kill police officers)
12. Child Protection Unit (exclusively for children - made up of clinical psychologists and police with nerves)
13. Murder, Rape and Violent Crime Unit (crime investigators)
14. Volunteer Unit (this is where all youth out of matric should go to prepare themselves for the world outside of the classroom. They work in police stations to photocopy, cerfity and fax for the public)
15 VIP Protection Unit (for Jacob Zuma)
16. Asset Forfeiture Unit (for Themba Lukhele)

All police units work together in an integrated manner. No police officer shall weight above 90 kilograms, unless he's an Afrikaner. All police units shall be able to swim, firefight and to conduct First Aid. Border duty will from now on be done by the Army and Immigration officials. All units (except Volunteer) shall have gun tracing expertise and access, both the lab and the database. All police units (except CPF, VU and CCU) shall have basic crime investigation expertise and tools. The 112 number shall be nationalised and run from one massive call centere where all dispatches will be done, using satellite maps and GPS. I plan to raise a police force of 470 000 officers at any given time, one for every 10 citizens.

Sure, make me Commissioner and let's see if crime won't decline. "These hands are clean, Glen Agliotti is my friend, finish and klaar!", he said. I said, "fuck you, who are you fooling?"