Cheaters - A Review

Quite frankly, today I have to confess my wholehearted adoration for etv's Cheaters programme. I don't care that it shares a slot with a soccer highlights programme on SABC1, I'm a Buccaneer but uncle Irvin Khoza will have to forgive me because I reckon that Cheaters beats soccer hands down.

Before you think I'm some stuck-up middle-age dude who is better off comatose than virile wait. I actually have ten reasons why I think Joey Greco and the bunch are a worthy view. If I had to shoot, edit and broadcast my own ad for my soon-to-be-launched political party I would differ with the ANC and DA and demand that mine not be played during Muvhango, which incidentally is flighted at the same time on SABC2 but on Cheaters.

First; I love Cheaters because it teaches me how to know when the chick I call my own has been compromised. She starts working late and having cousins in some dodgy parts of town.

Second; Cheaters is well-shot and is reality television at its best. To me, its allure is like that of Big Brother before it became too overtly commercial.

Third; Like Judge Judy, Ricky Lake and Steve Wilkos, you know you are not going to see women with bikini wax or suntan but barrel chested dudes and flabby whore-looking women on heavy make-up like actresses of Nollywood B-grades

Fourth; I am very single and Cheaters helps me realise that I actually am not missing anything except lies and heartache

Fifth; Cheaters is the only television series not on HBO which gives director Quentin Tarantino a run for his money when it comes to swearwords, that's remedy for stress

Sixth; It teaches me to be very careful in the future in the event that I fail to die from being stabbed with a single spear and am tempted to seek another wound. I see men using the old strategy of pleading late work while that's a sell-off for adultery.

Seventh; Joey is a white guy who seems not to care about the race of his cheaters as he gives them a tongue lashing and uses his customary sarcastic grammar.

Eighth; One of my friends who swears that he doesn't watch it often asks me how long do the investigations on Cheaters take and I tell him at most nine days and he says 'not in South Afrika, here people are bonking. Same day they meet at a club they bonk the same day. Joey would be saving a lot of tape in South Africa because we fuck like rabbits'.

Ninth; It always has a happy ending, which is what I expect from every story I indulge in.

Tenth; The last reason is that I am a fucking voyeur. I'm the type of dude who would follow a man and a woman into a bodouir and still expect to see something different. I even enjoyed the episode where son-of-a-bitch Joey was knifed and nearly killed by a suspect.

I love watching things, can you blame me for curiousity? When I was young I used to read books/novels because I always wanted to know what happened next. So, make a date with Cheaters and join me!