How To Make A Skin-Flick

Since Sondeza went pop, visits to www.fuck.com have increased tremendously. And my investigation picks the same IP addresses connecting to www.fuck.com as those which used to spend countless hours on Sondeza. So, Sondeza’s loss was www.fuck.com’s gain. But I have been wondering what’s the point of spending money watching celluloid sex when you can make your own. Here’s how to make your own home made skin flick. If you are brave you can double-date and involve your friend and his girlfriend as director and camera operator. Alternatively you can all swing.

MAKING THE MOVIE PART I

What you need;
1. A SONY HD digital camera (or if you are too broke use your cellphone)
2. Lights
3. Reflectors
4. Lots of glycerin
5. KY Gel and Spanish Fly
6. Lots of condoms (at least stick with Durex not Choice)
7. A queen size bed (forget Formula One’s cabin singles)
8. An edit suite installed in your computer
9. A tripod
10. 120 megabyte of memory in your SD card
11. Lots of soundtrack music CDs
12. A little alcohol or drugs.


THINGS TO DO

1. Understand that premature ejaculation might be your disease (or at least see Men’s Clinic International) but don’t stress, shoot the scene that ends too quick and archive it so that during editing you can put it at the end of the one that refuses to end – you know that round where you don’t come – you just take that first scene and paste it there and you are like boo-ya-ka.
2. If getting dry some few minutes into the session is your problem as a woman, use KY Gel or drink a tonic spiked with Spanish fly twenty minutes before filming.
3. If you are going to have your friend and partner handle the filming and creativity, avoid staring at the camera – it looks amateurish.
4. If you are doing a secret movie without voyeurs mount the camera on a tripod (or in the case of cellphone lodge it between two dictionaries) and use a television set as a monitor (only for those using cameras).
5. Rehearse- rehearse- rehearse, it’s like a stage play, you have only one take.
6. Change fuck positions when screwing for better angles and more entertainment.
7. Blowjobs are performed next to the lens. Use as much glycerin on the bodies to give them gloss.
8. Don’t allow shadows to crop in your visuals so reflectors will be used to divert light to shady areas of the body. Play music in the background as long as it’s your own or its creator has been dead for 100 years.

THINGS NOT TO DO: ACTORS
1. Don’t fake orgasms or bump her with gusto since this makes your flick look gonzo
2. Don’t analfuck the woman since the flick might fall into your childrens’ hands someday
3. Don’t be tempted not to use a condom even when heated.

FINALLY
Load it onto your computer and start editing using Adobe Pro Suite or the standard Movie Maker which comes with your computer software. Add music and titles, like ‘Adolf and Beatrice present – an A&B film – starring A, introducing B as Skank’. You can even use your pictures at the beginning, some long range shots of mansions in Sandton to create an impression that it’s where the bonk is taking place.

DONE
Edit it to be a minimum 45 minutes so that you don’t bore us with your limp Willy trying to act macho. Happy filmmaking